In the A Model for Marriage: Covenant, Grace, Empowerment and Intimancy, the authors discussed about the existence of ‘seasons of marriage’ and the stressors associated with these seasons. They pointed out how marital balance is crucial in order to resolve the conflicts that can possibly arise throughout the marriage. This paper aims to discuss about the seasons of marriage, the stressors and the developmental tasks to alleviate these stressors, as well as how other authors relate to this topic.
During the ‘honeymoon marriage’, the couple will get to know more about each other. And while they start their life being so engrossed with their love for each other, most are not fully prepared about what married life requires from them (Balswick & Balswick, 138). The stressors that comes with this season of marriage is that the couple may find a lot about their differences, and this can have a detrimental effect on their relationship. Accordingly, the developmental task to resolve this issue comes from the need for the couple to accept their differences. This is in line with what Coontz talked about in her video where she expressed that: “The strongest emotions are not necessarily the ones that sustain the most satisfying relationship” (Coontz). Respecting each others difference in marriage boil down to what Clouter described as “forgiveness and reconciliation” (Clouter, 265).
The ‘young children’ is a season of marriage that will test the couple’s commitment to each other. This season is characterized by the lack of time to bond with each other, being the greatest stressor. It is common for husband and wife spend considerable time and effort raising small children, to the detriment of their marital relationship (Balswick & Balswick, 140). The proposed developmental task for this is for the couple to set and develop their priorities, such as setting aside time for each other as much as possible. In Coontz’ video, she talked about how she incorporates her husband’s ideas in her work, despite initial thoughts that they are trivial.
Another season of marriage, are the instances of ‘divorce and remarriage’. The stressor associated with this season is that feeling of loss and the need for both individuals to adjust to their new situation. The process of putting an end to a marriage painful, and the most that the former couple can do is to work towards reconstructing their lives. Divorce is now a common practice among couples in the United States who fall out of love with each other, as Coontz discussed, marriage has now become a less stable institution. The best thing that the divorce couple can do to be able to move on with their separate lives is to follow Clouter’s suggestion about reconciliation, in order to “receive the grace of forgiveness” (Clouter, 274).
A season of marriage where the couple may need each other is the ‘sunset years’. While this season sets out the stage where the couple can sit back and reminisce their journey together, there is also the stressor that comes with it such as the feeling of insecurity and illness. The couple’s health has declined at this time, and the developmental tasks to deal with the stressor is for both to learn to age well. An interesting fact about couples’ who reach this stage is that they have a marital history of devotion, acceptance and forgiveness. This can be associated with what Clouter wrote about “forgiveness without paying a cost” (Clouter, 274). Couple’s who have learned the art of forgiveness tend to see the blessings and amazing grace that comes with it.
Works Cited
Balswick, Jack, and Judith Balswick. A Model for Marriage: Covenant, Grace, Empowerment and Intimacy. Intervarsity Press, 2006. Print.
Clouter, David. Love, Reason, and God's Story: An Introduction to Catholic Sexual Ethics. Saint Mary's Press, 2008. Print.
Coontz, Stephanie. "Stephanie Coontz: On Marriage." You Tube. N.p., 2011. Web. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwtb7jz8G4k>.
