Abstract
When a person you know and are fond off kicks the bucket, the experience can turn your entire life upside down. The way people react to the situations is different. The response depends on the upbringing, age, relationship, nature of the occurrence, beliefs, mental and physical health, etc. The incidences are characterized by emotional and mental crises that can ultimately change the course of life for the person who experiences loss. Through a detailed evaluation of various theories concerning grief and their application to a personal experience, it is possible to understand the common reactions towards loss. The knowledge can assist people who also encounter such events since it is a normal section of our lives. It can also help psychologists to identify severe repercussions of the loss of a loved one amongst patients. Through this, the scholars can formulate the appropriate interventions to ensure that the individuals recover the grief.
Introduction
Grieving is a procedure that we must encounter at some level in our lives. The term entails the response people exhibit due to a loss. Grief impacts the spirit, emotions, mind, and body. It emanates from a loss experience that could either be from the death of a person, pet, loss of a job, loss of property, amongst others. Bereavement, on the other hand, is often used interchangeably with grief, but it refers to the state of the individual during the loss. Loss can either be abstract or physical whereby the physical aspect means losing something that one can measure or touch while abstract loss relates to components of social interactions (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
The fundamental theme in the literature regarding bereavement is that every loss experience is unique and depends on different variables. The circumstances that surround the death are the primary determinants of the grieving process. For example, perceptions towards the prevention of the loss, young age, a violent, traumatic or sudden death can result in diagnoses such as complicated grief, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and Major Depressive Disorder. Other factors that arise from violent and sudden loss include deficits in memory, improper decision making, prescriptions for anti-depressants, and poor productivity (Van der Kolk & McFarlane, 2012).
The effects of traumatic grief persist for longer periods as compared to those of normative grief (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006). Empirical evidence and theoretical arguments attempt to understand the phenomenon of loss, the reactions, and responses. A paradoxical notion of bereavement characterizes the incidents as a persistent idea that short-term responses and processes of working through the matter can culminate a detachment from the loved one who is deceased. However, theoretical arguments indicate a limited utility of capturing the critical elements of grief that can enable the individual to recover. This essay entails a personal experience of loss and the description of a recovery journey
Personal Experience
I will provide a scenario that occurred at the end of my first semester in college. I received a call before my final exams that the vehicle of my uncle had been found next to a river near their home. My parents advise me to continue sitting for my exams until the retrieval of my uncle’s body was complete. As I struggled to concentrate on my exams, the local police dredge the water from the river to recover the body of my uncle. I turned to my lecturers to obtain any information concerning the ongoing process and to attempt to get closure for the tragic and sudden death.
My uncle was like a second father to me. He used to make occasional trips to check on my progress in school and ensure that I received adequate financial aid throughout my education. I could not comprehend what would make someone end the life of such as good man. I had always looked up to him and could not imagine a life without him around in the future. It was tough for me to concentrate on the examinations because I felt like I had to be home to be with my uncle’s family as they went through the traumatic loss. I also felt like being is school would limit my chances of obtaining information regarding the death.
The incident represents the countless ways that loss can enter and impact the lives of students. Death has adverse consequences of how people engage in developmental, social, and academic activities. For instance, the way I found it difficult to concentrate on my studies. I also felt the need to be alone and bury myself in the sadness. When coping with loss, it is considered normal to feel intense and overwhelming emotions as well as different physical and behavioral reactions. The common changes in a grief experience that can be seen in the situation above include numbness, shock, depression, anxiety, isolation, anger, self-reproach, longing, fear, etc. There was also a yearning to acquire justice for the killing of my uncle (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
The experience was devastating. On receiving the information, at first, it was hard during the first days to associate with others. I kept to myself and lost interest for the normal routines I used to carry out such as playing tennis or even eating. The school recommended that I should see the guidance and counselor in the institution. The professional told me that I needed to be patient and give myself some room to heal. It was also important to maintain the main factors of daily living by not missing meals, getting rest, and finding the courage to finish my exams. The guidance and counselor talked to the dean to lighten my workload so that I would find it easier to complete the examination.
The guidance and counselor told me to accept the support that came from my friends and classmates particularly those who were willing to listen and not give a solution to the matter. I also had to avoid making major decisions during the grieving period since they would be affected by the state of my emotions. The professional advised me to stay away from drugs and alcohol because they would make coping harder and result in the worsening of the situation. Over time, the intensity of the loss would reduce allowing me to integrate the grief and adjust to the changed circumstance of the loss. The instructor suggested that I should take part in rituals, either solely or with others, such as spiritual activities, art, and writing that would serve as a reminder of the importance of the loved one (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006). Since I am a good artist, I spent some time recapturing the special moments I had with my uncle in drawings. I also shared the major events with the counselor.
The experience changed my outlook on life. I learned to appreciate the tender moments I have with my family and friends because at some point we would be separated by death. My bonds with them became more concrete after that loss experience. I also had to remain strong and avoid engaging in frivolous activities to make most of life. I occasionally reminisce the moments I had with my uncle and the wise words he gave me to forge ahead with my education and become as successful as he was. The special moments keep me going in life in a bid to make him happy that I finally made it. The loss experience turned out to have its lessons and benefits though I still miss my uncle.
Academic Content and Understanding
The field of bereavement and grief has undergone various transformational changes regarding the way human aspects of loss are viewed and how the outcomes and goals of grief management can be realized. The long-held perceptions of the loss experiences have been discarded, and ideas have shifted from the traditional interventions of assisting the bereaved to let go. Today, the focus is directed towards holding on the continued bonds with the dead person. According to Worden, the grieving process can be used as a measure to build resilience and derive lessons from the loss (Van der Kolk & McFarlane, 2012).
The way individuals adapt to the deprivations shapes the people that they become. The manner through which my uncle’s family and I responded to the death of my uncle would have determined our future. For instance, I felt that the grief was too much and indulged in substance abuse, my life would have been ruined. While recognizing that bereavement responses are universal, they are influenced by the reciprocal effect of the loss on the households, cultural groups, and organizations (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
Freud gave the first fundamental contribution in the field of grief in his article titled Mourning and melancholia. The paper shaped professional interventions for almost half a century. According to Freud, grief involved the procedure of breaking ties between the deceased and the survivor. The psychic arrangement had three elements: formulating new relationships, readjustment to new circumstances in life without the loved one, and freeing oneself from the deceased’s bondage. Based on the theory, I was required to let go of the bond I had with my uncle by pursuing new activities and relationships (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
Freud believed that the segregation required the individual to express and acknowledge painful feelings such as anger and guilt. The notion was that if the bereaved did not separate himself or herself from the loss, then the grieving process would become more problematic (Van der Kolk & McFarlane, 2012). The grief work theory emphasized on moving on as the key strategy for attaining normal functioning. Years later, theorists such as Bowlby, Weiss & Parkes, and Kubler-Ross articulated the stages involved in a loss experience. The most popular model was the one given by Kubler-Ross in “On Death and Dying.”
Kubler-Ross formulated the loss model based on clinical works, terminal diagnosis, and anticipatory grief. The structure had five stages: denial and shock, guilt and resentment, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Throughout the loss experience, I underwent all the steps, and this can be seen from the shock of receiving the news, resentment towards whoever killed my uncle, bargaining how my life would change due to the loss, depression, and acceptance. She said that failure to undergo the five phases would lead to complications; an aspect that has been proven wrong by different psychologists. The stages created a conceptual order on how to cope with grief, but they failed to assess the multiplicity of spiritual, social, psychological, and physical needs of the survivors. The birth of the models led to the understanding of loss under professional and cultural basis (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
Reflective Discussion
The early theories have become unpopular due to their rigidity. There are new foundations that succeed in highlighting the definite relations and patterns in idiosyncratic and complex grieving situations. Phasal articulations have been enormously useful. For instance, the Task-based Model and Dual-Process Models have assisted clients and counselors by offering valid frameworks that guide treatments and improve the survivors’ self-efficacy and self-awareness. The Dual Process notion establishes a cognitive stress view that understands loss as an oscillation procedure of two contrasting functioning modes (Van der Kolk & McFarlane, 2012).
According to (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006), the two fundamental orientations in the Dual Model involve loss and restoration. In the loss ideology based on the personal experience, I would engage in an emotionally-focused intervention that expresses and explores the feelings generated by the bereavement. In the restoration orientation, I would have to undergo a problem-focused analogy that looks at the distinct external adjustments of the loss such as the ongoing life demands and diversion mechanisms. The models suggest that the coping measures can differ based on the moments, cultural groups, and individuals.
Worden also identifies that an active grieving process should have four engagement tasks: accepting the reality, the attachment nature, adjustments, and enduring connection. He further adds that the client’s experiences are determined by the person who passed, how it happened, personality variables, concurrent stressors, the attachment nature, social mediators, and historical antecedents. The stigmatizing death such as the one provided by this article can disenfranchise the bereaved (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
The bereavement was further worsened by the close connection I had with my uncle and attachments we had. Fortunately, with the help of a strong support network, I learned to accept the event. Grief movements have acknowledged that people should move away from the ideology of letting go and adopt continuing bonds. Nickman, Silverman, and Klass offer an alternative perspective that the attachment to the dead does not have to be severed. They say that it can play a healthy role that assists the griever to continue viewing the deceased as a role model (Van der Kolk & McFarlane, 2012).
Technical Detail
The grief theories provided by Nickman, Silverman, and Klass suggest that people should evaluate the conditions of loss to formulate useful interventions. There is also an emphasis against the positivists and early modernists’ views of breaking the ties and the global stages and symptoms of bereavement. The social constructivists of the postmodern era have created the approach of continuing bonds as a mechanism that enriches oscillation and functioning between engaging and avoiding grief. The later models can enable counselors and psychologists to instruct the patients in reconstructing their world once it is affected by the loss (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
A bereaved person does not have the cognitive constructions to develop a meaning-making procedure that incorporates the grief into a new world; hence, it is not possible to forget the loss experiences. People often cannot make sense of grief because it appears random, unjust, or unfair. It is vital for them to understand the loss to avoid further complication in the bereavement process. It is also essential to have a secular or spiritual meaning of the loss accounts to prevent incidents such as homicides and suicides as opposed to natural deaths. Worden provides that benefit-making and deriving senses from the grief are two primary factors that result in distinguishable psychological signs amongst the survivors (Van der Kolk & McFarlane, 2012).
Freud’s evaluations have been proven right that 10 to 15 percent of those who are bereaved encounter chronic or intense grief. The conditions are the main focus of most psychological and psychiatric literature. Most people can get over loss regaining their psychological and cognitive equilibrium within days, weeks, and months of mourning. In my situation, I integrated the grief within months. After that, I had to proceed with my life. However, people frequently miss the deceased and cannot let go of the memories over a large span of time. The phenomenon indicates that grief has not been forgotten rather it is integrated and can no longer interfere with the ongoing life (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
Summary and Conclusion
Schut and Scroebe say that interventions immediately after the loss are not appropriate. The individual should be accorded time to carry out natural grieving. In this case, the guidance and counselor advised me to take some time alone and be patient. However, for the complicated situations such as the loss of a spouse, child, or parent it is advisable to enforce some form of clinical interventions or routine checkups so that the bereaved cannot harm themselves or others. The study has provided that no one particular grief model can be utilized to summarize the loss phases and symptoms since each case presents its own uniqueness (Van der Kolk & McFarlane, 2012).
Therapy should be tailored depending on the person, circumstances, and relationship at the point when the bereavement occurs. Paradoxically, the loss can have its benefits and it is crucial for practitioners to identify the best angle to relay a continued bond with the deceased. The connection does not mean that the individual should leave in past. The bonds need to be legitimized to allow people to talk about the deceased, understand that the mourning should evolve, and take part in memorial rituals. The client has an important responsibility to execute in his or her recovery process to build the inner representations of a reconstructed life (Charles, Clyde & Donna, 2006).
The need for meaning-making will also enhance the outcomes of grief incidences and sustain relationships with other people after the loss. More research is necessary to distinguish variables in a loss experiences regarding gender, age, personality, or cultural background. Through this, the psychologists can identify those who are more vulnerable to chronic grief after a loss and formulate specialized interventions. Timely and genuine mechanisms are required to monitor the improvements and health status of people in the society who may be undergoing losses. Also, the survivors should learn to focus on the aspects and activities that can facilitate easier recovery such as rituals and leisure facilities (Van der Kolk & McFarlane, 2012).
Bereavement is a stressful life encounter that can affect the development of a person if the appropriate measures are not taken. Nevertheless, when integration occurs, the loss can foster the individual’s personal growth. A strong supportive network is also influential to enable the person to recover from the grief slowly while still maintaining the memories of the deceased. Those who isolate themselves are more likely to suffer from depression or suicidal thoughts. The bereaved in the complicated cases should accept help so that they can experience an intimate and humbling encounter that will be heartwarming, spiritual, and rewarding.
References
Charles. C., Clyde N. & Donna C. (2006) Death and dying life and living. Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth.
Van der Kolk, B. A., & McFarlane, A. C. (Eds.). (2012). Traumatic stress: The effects of overwhelming experience on mind, body, and society. New York: Guilford Press.
