Actions Speak Louder Than Words; or Do They?
Usually people first hear that actions speak louder than words very early, from parents or close relatives. I think that it is a very positive fact, as it allows them to understand the basic moral and communication principles and make them a basis for their character formation. If these principles are really taken as a basis of morality, it is a perfect situation and a background for becoming a good person. But in order to understand whether it is really so, it is necessary to analyze this idiom in detail and draw appropriate conclusions. Besides, it is useful to see, in what circumstances the situation is the opposite and words are even more important than actions.
So, this idiom has a long history of existence. Its first traces can be seen even in the ancient Greece, but in the form that is today widely known it appeared in the book “Will and Doom”, written by Gersham Bulkeley in 1692. In this work the author speaks of actions as more significant than words. I believe that although since that time a lot has changed, this principle is still topical. Below I will explain my view as to why it is so.
This proverb deals with several aspects of communication. The first and the most important ones is keeping promises. If a person likes to make promises, but often fails to translate them into reality, it is impossible for him/her to earn people’s trust and become successful in life. Moreover, it is a major obstacle on the way to achieving personal goals, as if a person cannot keep promises given to other people, he/she will not be able to keep the promises given to him-/herself. It will become a significant problem on the way of establishing proper communication with other people. It is the main reason why it is important to learn how to keep promises.
Establishing relationships based on trust, both professional and personal, is really important for everyone. If you can do it, it will help you both in the professional and personal fields of life, but if you cannot, it will inevitably spoil your communication. So, how is it possible to learn how to keep promises?
1. Admit your mistakes in this sphere.
Contrary to our intuition, most people tend not to keep promises, as they are sure that indeed they are very good at doing it. Such inaccurate estimation is blinding people and doesn’t allow for seeing clearly the situations where they do not fulfill their promises. It is the reason why they cannot really fulfill them.
That's why a perfect start for learning how to keep promises is the recognition that people tend to break their promises, and you are not an exception. It is necessary to begin to consciously pay attention to the way you treat people in relation to this subject to see if a similar phenomenon occurs. When you begin to look for faults, you will start seeing them (Tanner et al., 2010). Being aware of the situations when they occur and to whom they are related, it is possible to make the first decisive step to get free.
2. Don’t make ill-considered promises
When it comes to making promises, people who have problems with lack of confidence usually take the opposite character: they get too self-confident in the fact that they can keep the promise, which is why they start doing it too much. Thus, breaking promises becomes a consequence of false confidence (Kouzes & Posner, 2011).
It is important to understand that you have a limited amount of energy, time, skills and resources, and it is likely that you cannot do everything that you want yourself. Remember about this whenever you want to promise something, asking: "Will I be able to actually keep this promise?" If you cannot firmly answer "yes" to this question, it is better not to make it. You should better promise something different, less significant, or do not make any promises at this point of time.
3. Always say "no" when you have to do it
People often drive themselves into a trap by promising much more if compared to what they want to or can do, as they experience difficulties with rejecting the intention to say “no”. A person asks you for help, we understand that people have great expectations in relation to us, as we cannot bring ourselves to let these promises down by rejecting them (Kiely & Ellis, 1999).
4. Make your mistakes important to you
In situations when people don’t keep their promises, even when they admit it themselves, they tend to quickly forget this, and thus, such an experience doesn’t develop in them a desire to keep to their words. It is easy to say one thing and immediately do another when you think it's not a big deal. If you wish to dramatically increase keeping your promises, you have to get rid of this way of thinking. You should make your own mistakes visible moral errors that you fully recognize. To achieve this, you need to accept preservation of the integrity of your promises as one of your main values. You have to decide that it is very important to you.
Keeping to your words and preservation of their integrity seem to be the things that are simple to learn. But in fact, they are one of the most difficult skills that people have to develop (Cupit, 1994). If you are consciously and systematically working to improve your skills to fulfill the promises, you'll soon notice considerable positive changes in your communication with people.
Still, it is necessary to understand, in what situations words can be more significant, than actions. I believe that such situations are more common for women, as they are more emotional than men and on the whole put more emphasis on the words (Jain & Choudhary, 2011). For them it is very important to be able to speak about their problems and experiences, as well as hear some inspirational words. In many cases it is not necessary for them to see words being translated into reality, as it is already enough for them to hear about what is important for them. For men, I believe, in general, actions are always more important than words, as by nature they are more action-oriented and don’t assess speaking as highly as women tend to.
References
Cupit, G. (1994). How Requests (and Promises) Create Obligations. The Philosophical Quarterly, 44(177).
Jain, C. & Choudhary, M. (2011). Actions speak louder than words: Non-verbal mis/communication. Journal of Media and Communication Studies, 3(1), 22-26.
Kouzes, J.M., & Posner, B.Z. (2011). Credibility: How Leaders Gain and Lose It, Why People Demand It. New York: John Wiley & Sons.
Kiely, J., & Ellis, J. H.M. (1999). Actions Speak Louder than Words. Management Services, 43 (10), 32-35.
Tanner, C., Brügger, A., Schie, S., & Lebherz, C. (2010). Actions Speak Louder Than Words: The Benefits of Ethical Behaviors of Leaders. Journal of Psychology, 218(4), 225-233.
