Introduction
The term divorce is defined as the cancellation or termination of marriage or union between two people. Marriage is a sacred union between two individuals. The fact that marriage is a sacred union that is why some countries do not allow divorce a good example of these countries are the Vatican City and also the Philippines. In the Philippines, the only thing they offer to terminate marriage is annulments. When people get divorced, they begin to have adjustment problems immediately after it. There are many reasons that would make one to have adjustment problems after divorce. The major reasons are the fact that they start getting lonely due to the living arrangements, house chores, the finances are affected and children’s living arrangement changes in, which one parent lives with the children more than the other. When it comes to divorce there are many people who are affected by it especially the children. There are many reasons why people divorce such as spousal beating, cheating, falling out of love, forced marriage, financial problems and family opposition of the marriage (Churchill & Fagan, 2012).
The divorce could end in a friendly manner or in a war zone. This war zone occurs when there is a child or money. In the modern society, there is a high rate in which people are getting divorce thus causing people to question the real definition of marriage. This has caused some people not to want to marry especially if they grew up in a home where the parents have divorced. Divorce affects children’s education, social skills and relationship with their family. The main purpose of this paper is to determine if we need to find possible solutions and ways how we can encourage the children to the insignificance of the problem and help them to feel self-confident, focused and self-empowered. We can see an increase in the divorce rate, which causes a negative impact on such important areas of children's activities, such as academic success, relationships within the family and social communication.
Divorce
The legal processes that takes place in a divorce includes child support, child custody, the distribution of the wealth and parenting time with the child are what is causing battles with the spousal thus causing enemity between the two of them as well as with the children. There are some parents during the divorce process that include the children in hating the other parent by giving them false information about the other spouse. According to most researches done it found out that the rate in, which people are divorcing, is very high in the modern society (Ingraham, 2013). Divorce can be a good thing for both of the spouses but if a child is involve then it will not only affect the spouses but also the children. The effects on the child could either be long-term or short term. Most of the effects usually affect the children well into their adult life. This is because the children’s social life, education and family relationship are affected in a negative manner.
Children have different changes or reactions that occur depending on their age, sex and wealth of the family. It has been stated that over one million children in America are suffering due to the fact their parents are divorcing. It has also been stated that the children who are been born now nearly half of them their parents would be divorced before they celebrate their 18th birthday (Oliver, 2012). It has also been stated that these children going through divorce will be affected well into their adult life, which they would pass on to the next generation. The religious beliefs of the children change because most religions believe that marriage should last longer. There are many reasons that affect the children in a negative manner such as the adjustment of the living arrangements from one parent to the next. Watching or witnessing parents falling out of love in public such as dragging them to court in order to fight for them as objects to keep. Adjusting to new people joining their family when their parents marry other people and the breakage of the marriage commitments. To them life is not what they once new it and their whole life has come crashing down.
The responses after divorces occur differently in both the boys and girls who are in the adolescent age as well as the childhood age (Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992). The children’s behavior changes in that the boys especially those in their teens will tend to be very aggressive and disobedient to their parents. This will cause them to lack interest in anything and anyone thus may end up doing drugs or committing crimes. The girls’ behaviors could change and be very anxious and withdrawn from others. The girl child would be more reserved and quiet while interacting with others. Both the girl and boy child will become sexually active at an early age. This will cause the rate of teen pregnancy to be high especially among children from divorced parents. There are other similar responses that most children get such as in the adolescents they are often very aggressive and while in the younger children they tend to regress and start having toddlers behavior such wetting their beds (Jacobs, 2011). In the younger children, some will start having attachment issues especially with their parents or older siblings. This is because they fear that something bad will happen to them if they leave them. Younger children will also be optimistic that their parents will get back together and that is why they do whatever it takes to drive away anyone who tries to be close their parents.
There are many emotions that the adolescent children experience after the divorce such as they change their behaviors or attitudes and become good in their parents eyes. This is done so that they could bring them back together, reject their parents, become more of an adult and constant worry that they would not have long-term relationships with others (Zill, Morrison & Coiro, 1993, p. 1). It is very important for both parents no matter their relationship to ensure that their children come first.
Academic success
Most children from broken homes or divorced parents tend to have different effects on their academic work. This is because some of them tend to concentrate with their studies while others seem to care less about their academics. There are many reasons that lead to any of these situations such as having support from both parents or lacking any from them. Many of the children are reported to be doing badly when they come from a home where the parents are divorced (Jeynes, 2003, p.202). The children are reported to be having problems in reading, doing mathematics and in spelling words. This is because the children are having too much trouble in concentrating in their schoolwork due to the stress of their parents separating. This is because the children are usually blaming themselves for the divorce.
The other reason that causes the children not to concentrate with their schoolwork is because of the pressure they are getting from home. This is when the parents start drinking thus making the child assume the role of the parent. This will cause the child to concentrate more in ensuring that their siblings are taken cared off than their schoolwork (Bisnaire et al., 1990). The number of the children who have dropped out of school has been estimated that a good number of them are from homes where the parents have divorced rather than child coming from a family whose parents are not divorced. This is because most children after divorce especially the adolescent children are usually very aggressive and also seek attention thereby they start using drugs or committing crimes that would cause them to quit school. The fact that they sometimes assume the role of the parent will cause the child to drop out of college or school in order to look for a job and help their siblings.
It is a fact that most children coming from a stable home where both parents are still together have a high chance of graduating from college and having great lives in the future. It is very important for everyone to have an academic success in order to get better jobs, which pays well so that they can to take care of their future families (Oliver, 2012). The children from divorced families who make it are because of the support system from both parents. This shows how important it is for both parents to show their children no matter what happens they are there for them. This will make the child feel secure and concentrate more on their studies.
Relationship within family
The relationship within the family is very essential in a family for it to progress successfully. When that relationship is broken then everything goes to hell. This is when the children feel insecure because they once felt sheltered when both parents were in the house. Children from intact families where there is no abuse have normal lives even when they have the normal teenage tantrums. This is not the same for children who come from divorced parents. The children begin to resent one parent especially the one that moves out of the house or does not have custody. This is because the child thinks that the parent has abandoned them on purpose (Amato, 1987, p.49). There are other instances when the children blame the one who was granted custody. The reason for this is because they believe that the parent is trying to push the other away from them or is the one who caused the divorce to occur. The resentment will lead to depression which could cause the child to start doing drugs are having random outburst of anger towards that parent. This random outburst of anger could cause them to injure themselves or their siblings.
In divorces, also the relationship between the spouses becomes really bad because they might be battling for the custody of the children or how the wealth should be split. Sometimes when this people are fighting, the children are left in the middle. This could cause the child to start having aggression issues and anger towards both parents. The anger would progress well into their adult life in that they would not want their parents to have anything to do with their families. Their children may end up growing without meeting any of their grandparents. The other thing that could ruin a family after the divorce is abuse. It is a fact that some custodial parents after divorce they change and start using drugs or blame their children for the divorce thus will start abusing them physically and emotionally (Churchill & Fagan, 2012). It is very important for both parents to change their attitude whenever they are around the children and ensure that they feel loved and protected. The parents should also ensure that they share custody in order for the children to spend time with both the parents.
Social communication
The children will have social communication problems due to depression when parents divorce. This is because they believe that their world has fallen apart. The children will become withdrawn and distant from their peers and instead they may end up being loners. These are the same children who could either turn out to be bullies or the bullied (Robert, 2009). The fact that they are withdrawn from their peers will make it hard for them to communicate with other children. Some of the children from a divorced home usually change their attitudes and behaviors to the point where they become deviant thus committing crimes or using drugs. The reasons for them to become criminals or drug addicts are because they are very angry and disillusioned by what their parents have done. To them their parents have wrecked their whole lives. This will make them not be able to maintain their former friends thus end up joining the wrong kind of crowd. Some of the main reasons why they do this are because they seeking the attention of their parents or they just want to forget their situation.
The children will also be prone to interacting to children whose parents have divorced compared to the latter. This is because they believe that they have everything in common. There are other children from divorced families who try everything to be normal thus end being friend with children from intact families. While with these friends, they pretend to have normal families and in the end, they would end up thinking that their lying is the truth. Other children tend to stay away from children from normal family due to envy for them or they feel they have nothing in common. The children who depend so much on social relations are well known to have better future than those who do not. This is because through social relation, they are able to overcome some of their depression and stress thus can concentrate on their schools and graduate from college, which would land them good jobs (Sobolewski, 2001, p.910). It is very essential that parents monitor their children’s activity after divorce. This is so that they can be able to know when their children have depressions or stress due to the divorce and get them help before the children begin to have serious mental problems. The parents should have civil conversations in front of their children in order for them to feel some sense of normality. This will help the children to become used to the situation and by seen how their parents interact with each other will help the child to continue being normal thus will be able to maintain friend.
In conclusion, in the modern society the rate in, which divorce are occurring is very high thus ends up affecting a child’s academics, social communication and family relationship. When it comes to academic life, the children tend to start performing badly due to depression or stress they may have after the divorce. This is because most children blame themselves for the divorce thus become distracted in school. The best way to curb this problem is by parents ensuring that their children know that they are there for them. This will be done by always checking to find out how they are doing and also helping them with their homework. The families’ relationship will also be affected by divorce. The children will be angry with their parents thus they may show their aggression physically. In this, they would end up hurting themselves or others especially their siblings. The relationship between the parents should be changed by pretending to be civil in front of their children. When the child sees them being civil it will help them reduce some of their anger. Divorce also causes social communication problems for both the parents and children. In this, children tend to be more social to other children coming from broken homes rather than those coming from intact families. Parents need to check on their children’s behavior in order to know when they are depressed, so that they can get them help. The parents should also be civil with each other so that the children will not continue to be angry at the world and thus will be able to maintain friendships. This topic is very important because it reminds parents that the choices they make not only affect them but it also affects their children’s lives as well as their future grandchildren. It is important that parents put their children first even if they divorce and go their separate ways.
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