Introduction
World-wide, adoption has become a widely accepted alternative to birthing children. Throughout the United States, approximately 135,000 children are adopted each year (Claridge, 2014, p. 112). In every adoption case, an adoption triad is developed. This adoption triad consists of the adopted parents, the adopted child and the birth parents. This paper attempts to analyze the grief that is experienced throughout the adoption triad, as well as the different counseling models that can be implemented in order to assist these individuals.
Literature Review
March (2014) attempted to find the emotions that birth parents feel when women are contacted by their adopted adult children. These adopted adult children sometimes seek a relationship with their birth parents. The study consisted of 33 birth mothers who were reunited with their adopted adult children. These parents placed their children for a closed adoption. In other words, these parents did not have contact with these children throughout the majority of their lives. March found that the emotions that impact these parents are: grief, mourning and bereavement. March also discovered that the likelihood of a parent developing a relationship or keeping contact with their adopted adult children were the ones who were able to manage and process their emotions. In other words, parents who were able to “block their feelings of parenthood and accepting the role assigned to them by the adopted adult” were the ones who were more likely to accept contact with their adult children than birth mothers who did not. The results of this study suggest that more attention should be given to the social psychological process that impact these parents (p. 409).
Bass (1999) conducted a study to analyze counseling resources that are available for when individuals want to reunite with their biological relatives. An adoption triad project was implemented at McGill University School of Social Work. This program provided a triad of biological parents, adoptive parents and adopted persons with counseling. The study evaluated the mutual-aid adoption triad with this group of individuals. The study gathered data through both pre and post intervention questionnaires. The results of this study showed that the overall group experience of the participants was positive. Thus, “The mutual-aid triad group can serve as a model for agencies and professionals seeking effective, affordable methods of providing postadoption search and reunion support services” (p. 363).
Hyde (2013) analyzed the effects of mutual aid support groups when it comes to grief. It has been previously believed that mutual aid can help people gain sense of their environment and personal and interpersonal control over their lives. The main goal of the mutual aid group is to encourage the creative and collective resourcefulness of the group. This minimizes the need for professional intervention. Overall, it was found that mutual aid support groups help grieving individuals create trustworthy and supportive relationships, while also helping them work together towards a collective or individual goal (p. 45).
Claridge (2014) proposed a treatment approach model when it comes to helping birth parents overcome the emotionally difficultly associated with relinquishing their child. This article proposed a couple treatment approach that focuses intensely on couple therapy. This is considered the therapy model. This approach focuses on the emotions and communications of the birth parents to help them transition into their regular lives. This treatment approach addresses the needs of birth parents (p. 12).
Moran (1994) attempted to analyze the different stages that are presented throughout the reunion process for all members of the triad, especially the adopted adult children. Moran found that there are four stages that an adopted adult goes through after being reunited with their biological parent(s). The four stages of post reunion emotions consist of: 1) paralysis, 2) eruption, 3) loss and grief, and 4) empowerment (p. 249). In order to properly handle these four stages, the adopted adult must go through four steps: 1) accepting the loss, 2) experience the pain associated with the grief, 3) adjusts to the environment, and 4) withdraw from emotional energy and reinvest in the new relationship. These steps can help an adopted adult handle the emotions associated with reunited with their birth parents.
Blanton & Deschner (1990) aimed to analyze the differences between open and confidential adoption. The differences between open and confidential adoption are controversial when it comes to the grieving process. Individuals who believe in open adoptions state that open adoption alleviates the grieving process after the parents have relinquished their children. Advocates for confidential adoption, on the other hand, believe that open adoption denies the grieving process that must take place in order for the birth parents to adjust to their current life. The study consisted of 59 women: 18 of these women placed their child in an open adoption and 41 throughout confidential adoption. The results showed that there were significant differences between the two groups when it came to grief. The individuals in this study showed that biological mothers who are more involved in their child’s life after relinquishment have a harder time when it comes to adjustment than mothers who is completely separate from the child. Researchers suggest the mandatory grieving process a birth parent must go through is similar to the grieving process of death (p. 534).
Siegel (1993) analyzes the advantages and disadvantages of open adoption. Siegel’s article looks at open adoption from the viewpoint of the adopted parents. Thus, this article gives information regarding the implications of open adoption on the adopted parents. Overall, Siegel found that there was overwhelmingly positive feelings when it came to open adoption. This suggests that social workers who are involved in adoption cases should move away from their traditional stance in directing birth parent and adoptive parent relationships “to one that facilitates greater individualization and self-determination among the members of the adoption triad” (p. 15). In other words, it should be left up to the birth and adoptive parents on what type of relationship they would like to have.
Discussion
Grief
Birth parents
The decision to place a child for adoption is very difficult for a parent. Thus, depression and conflicting feelings are often experienced during the period of pre-relinquishment (Claridge, 2014, p. 114). It can also have lifelong complications for the birth parents. There are several reasons why an individual may decide to place their child for adoption. These factors consist of: age, education, socioeconomic level and race (p. 114).
Studies have shown that the type of adoption does have an effect when it comes to how birth parents grieve over the adoption of their child. However, the research on the matter is split. Some studies have suggested that open adoption helps a birth mother with her postplacement adjustment. Other studies have shown that open adoptions make it difficult for the birth parent to fully grieve over relinquishing their child. Overall, all studies on the matter suggest the same thing: birth parents grieve differently through open and closed adoption. This should be taken into consideration while trying to assist birth parents through the adoption process.
Birth parents are not only impacted while relinquishing their child, they are also impacted if or when that child asks for reunion contact. March (2014) found that parents who were able to accept the adoption and the fact that their child is being raised by adopted parents were more likely to accept contact with their adopted children during adulthood. This study illustrates the importance of intervention during the adoption process for birth parents. Birth parents must receive support during the adoption process in order to be able to fully process the emotions that come along with relinquishing a child (p. 409).
Adoptive parents
Adoptive parents do not tend to grieve during the adoption process. However, after the process is over, adoptive parents have been found to need outside support. There are several reasons for this. The first one is the increase of amounts of open adoptions. Another is due to the increase amount of adopted individuals who seek to find their birth parents. This can have several implications for the adoptive parents.
There are several assumptions adopted children have when it comes to their parent’s feelings regarding the reunion. The most common assumption is that their adoptive parents may be hurt or hostile towards the situation. However, there is not a certain set of emotion an adoptive parent feels during the reunion process. Research has shown, on the other hand, that it is important for the adoptive parents to be supportive of the reunion process in order to keep equilibrium throughout the adoption triad (Trimberger, 2014). Mutual aid therapy has been shown to be successful for adoptive parents during the reunion process.
Adopted individuals
The adopted child is the last member of the adoption triad. The adopted child is also the most important aspect of the adoption triad. While all members of the triad are permanently affected by the adoption process, the adopted child is the most important aspect of the triad. Thus, intervention for adopted children may be deemed necessary under certain conditions.
Older adopted children, over the age of 6, tend to have a harder emotional time transitioning or moving away from their birth parents. These children need proper support in order to handle the emotions that come along when a child is aware he or she is being adopted (Roetta, 2016). Furthermore, when it comes to reunion, how open an adopted adult is to their birth parents is dependent on several factors. These factors include: the adopted adult’s life experience, the adopted adult’s assessment of the birth parents, and the adopted adult’s perception of the birth parent’s response to the contact. For example, an adopted adult may be more open to their birth parents during reunion if they grew up in a high quality environment and it the birth parents are excited and willing during the reunion. On the other hand, if the adopted adult had a low quality of life during childhood and adolescence, then the adopted adult may have animosity or resentment towards the birth parents. Studies on adopted adult children and reunion mainly suggest it is the quality of life the adopted child had that dictates how well they handle the reunion with their birth parents (March, 2014, p. 409).
Models
Birth parents
It is no surprise that relinquishing birth parents need access to interventions in order to cope with their loss. As mentioned above, relinquishing a child is a profound loss for an individual. Claridge (2014) found that “birth mothers who remained in romantic relationships with birth fathers post-relinquishment demonstrated poorer outcomes in terms of grief resolutions 4 to 12 years later” (p. 117). Claridge suggested that a couples therapy models be put in place for these individuals.
During couple’s therapy, therapists should encourage couple interactions. “Although birth parents cannot change the past or their experience of relinquishment, they can change their coping skills in the present and their future interactions as a couple” (Claridge, 2014, p. 124). This is key in the therapy model approach. Therapists should also aim to increase the emotional experience within the couple. In other words, therapists should encourage couples to express and feel their emotions. The research on grief models for birth parents suggest that these individuals must fully grieve over the adoption in order to move on with their lives. Several researchers describe these grief process to be similar to the grief process associated with death (p. 124).
Adoptive parents
Adoptive parents are the ones who are less impacted negatively throughout the adoption process. However, they are more negatively impacted when it comes to reunion. The reunion process can be a difficult one for adoptive parents. Several emotions can impact an adoptive parent when their child wants to reunite with their biological parents. Thus, support should be offered to these individuals during this difficult time. Prior research suggests the best the best support method for adoptive parents is the mutual aid support model.
The mutual aid support model offers these individuals support through relationships they have gained throughout the support program. The idea of the mutual aid support model is placing individuals with similar experiences together so they can share their experiences. In this situation, placing adoptive parents together can give them support through reunion by listening to others tell similar experiences. This model helps individual’s process emotions by listening to other’s similar situations, as well as the relationships they make throughout the support group (Hyde, 2013, p. 45).
Adopted individuals
There are a growing number of adopted individuals who are searching for and been reunited with their biological relatives. These individuals were separated from their biological relatives through the adoption process. Researchers have shown that there are four steps in order to re-establish equilibrium during the reunion process. These steps consist of: 1) accepting the loss, 2) experience the pain associated with the grief, 3) adjust to the environment, and 4) withdraw from emotional energy and reinvest in the new relationship (Robinson, 2001). This model should be used while working with adopted individuals.
For example, while working with the adopted adult, a therapist should encourage the individual to accept the fact that their birth mother gave them up for adoption. Next, the individual should be encouraged to experience and express the pain that is associated with the idea of their birth parent giving them up for adoption. The individual should then adjust to the new reality, withdraw from the emotional energy and build a new relationship with their birth parent.
Adoption triad and social interactions
The adoption triad does impact the possibility of the individual wanting to meet their birth child/parent. For example, if the adopted child has a difficult childhood, this may increase their desire to reunite with their biological parents. However, if a child appreciates his or her upbringing they may be more likely to reunite with their biological parents. It has been shown that some adopted children do not want to reunite with their biological parents because of the hurt it may cause their adopted parents.
Also, the type of adoption also plays a role when it comes to whether or not the adopted individual will attempt to reunite with their birth parents. For example, an individual who had an open adoption may be more likely to reunite with their biological parent during adulthood because of the relationship they may have had during childhood. Furthermore, an individual with a closed adoption may not seek to reunite with their biological parents because of the lack of relationship that existed throughout childhood. Thus, the quality of the relationships throughout the triad can dictate whether or not that individual will seek to reunite with their birth parents.
Conclusion
All members in an adoption triad are affected during the adoption process. The birth parents are the ones who are initially affected. Research has shown that couples therapy is the best way in order to help birth parents adjust to their new reality. Adopted children are the next members of the adoption triad that are effected. As these children become older and start to understand the reality of adoption, intervention or other counseling methods may be necessary. However, it has been shown that the reunion process causes the most grief on these individuals. A four-step model should be used to assess these individuals. The last members of the adoption triad are the adoptive parents. While they tend to be less negatively affected by the adoption process, they do tend to grieve during the reunion process. Research has shown mutual aid support groups to be beneficial to these groups of individuals. Overall, all members of the adoption triad grieve differently. Due to this, support is necessary in order to help these individuals to properly grieve.
References
Bass, B. (1999). A professionally led adoption triad group: an evolving approach to search and reunion. Child Welfare, 78 (3), 363-379.
Blanton, T. & Deschner, J. (1990). Biological mother’s grief: the post adoptive experience in open versus confidential adoption. Child Welfare, 69 (6), 525-35.
Claridge, A. (2014). Supporting birth parents in adoption: a couple treatment approaches. Adoption Quarterly, 17, 112-133.
Hyde, B. (2013). Mutual aid group work: social work leading the way to recover-focused mental health practice. Social Work with Groups, 36(1), 43-58.
March, K. (2014). Birth mother's grief and the challenge of adoption reunion contact. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 84 (4), 409-419.
Moran, R. (1994). Stages of emotion: an adult adoptee’s post reunion perspective. Child Welfare, 73(3), 249-260.
Robinson, E. (2001). Adoption and loss- the hidden grief. Retrieve on 16 April 2016, from <https://www.adoptionhealing.com/Adoption&Loss.html>.
Roetta, M. (2016). Grief and loss in adoption. Retrieved on 16 April 2016, from <http://lfcsmo.org/grief-and-loss-in-adoption/>.
Siegel, D. (1993). Upon adoption of infants: adoptive parents’ perception of advantages and disadvantages. Social Work, 38(1), 15-23.
Trimberger, E. (2014). Adoptive parents and adoption reunions. Retrieved on 16 April 2016, from <https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/adoption-diaries/201409/adoptive parents-and-adoption-reunions>.
