The question of how or why relationships start is one which has plagued mankind since the dawn of time. The power of attraction and what causes it is a strange phenomenon which happens on a daily basis between virtual strangers and yet, on the basis of attraction, we form strong, lifelong attachments. The concept of ‘romance’ and consigning yourself to just one person is a strange one when we consider how social human beings are designed to be. Many theories have discussed why it is that we ‘mate for life’ and how these relationships begin; ranging from something as base as pheromones: scents which attract us to a single person; right up to the idea that traditionally, we are born into a family where our parents’ relationship represent what it is we aim to achieve ourselves in life. There are a range of different theories, depending on which type of specialist you are talking to but one thing is clear: attraction is often random and rarely something that can be truly planned.
Many discuss the idea of having ‘a type’ in which they are regularly attracted to people of a similar appearance: dark hair, blonde hair, blue eyes, tall and thin, shorter and stocky, for example. However, if there is one thing which all theories agree on, it is that whilst physical appearance does have some bearing on an initial attraction, there is far more at work to cause that attraction to develop and relationships cannot form without much more in place. Indeed, physical attraction may initiate an interaction but it is “a process of sharing mutual values” which provides “the best chance at a having a long-term loving relationship where serenity, happiness and great sex [are] abound” (Faulkner).
However, just as easily, there is a succession of conscious factors which contribute to attraction. These can include proximity, the sharing of common interests and common ground, and a decision to meet a certain type of person. For example, an individual might actively seek people who have a particular appearance or who fulfil a certain criteria such as wealth, power and/or confidence. Equally, we meet people in the work place or within our social circles and as such, we instantly have common ground and interests with that person, making attraction all the more likely to happen (Malakh-Pines 4).
It is clear that romantic relationships begin because of attraction but the root cause of that attraction is ambiguous and can be argued in a variety of ways. In truth, and many people would undoubtedly agree from their own experiences, it must be a mix of factors which invoke a feeling of attraction between two people. Psychologists feel we are drawn to familiar people who make us feel safe, loved and nurtured like our parents did; anthropologists claim we are drawn to those who we feel will further our species in the best way possible; and biologists think that we undergo an unconscious change which causes us to be attracted to another person because of chemicals in our system. However, it is clear that romantic relationships begin due to a range of reasons as discussed here but not least of all, when the timing is right.
References
Dusenbery, David B. Living at micro scale: the unexpected physics of being small. Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 2009. Print.
Faulkner, Mary. Easy does it dating guide: for people in recovery. Minnesota: Hazelden, 2004. Print.
Malakh-Pines, Ayala. Falling in love: why we choose the lovers we choose. New York: Routledge, 1999. Print.
