I strongly agree with the analogy that best friendships are more stable than love relationships. This is mainly because, in love relationships, they are greater depths of intimacy, trust and exclusiveness which if betrayed can hurt the other person much more than in best friendship relationships. They are a lot of emotional connections involved in love relationships that makes the other person feel responsible and more caring for his or her lover. The intimacy and commitment levels are more involving. Therefore, should there be suspicions of cheating or unreciprocated love the other party may experience a lot of hurt feelings. Jealousy is another factor makes a best friendship relationship more stable than a love one. Best friends rarely feel jealous for each other. They are excited about the other party getting a partner. In most cases the best friend will be instrumental in the other person getting a lover. They encourage, tease and motivate each other. On the other hand, just the mere suspicious of developed feeling other than your lover in a love relationships will create friction which may lead to the end of the relationship. Love also harbors greater potential for conflict, criticism and distress than in friendship relationships. It is also vital to note that love feelings can fade as fast as they appear. This phenomenon is best explained by the fact that most couples lose their intimacy when they settle into marriage. Unless such a couple have become best friends, they marriage may come to an end after a relatively small dispute because neither of the parties is committed to the relationships and there are no tangible benefits attained from maintaining it.
However, I disagree with the analogy that friends and family opinion about a couple tend to be very accurate. On the contrary, I think their opinion depends on how much they like or dislike the couple and not about their capabilities, suitability or compatibility. A love relationship existing between two lovers, according to the Stern berg’s triangle is founded on three fundamental dimensions. These are passion, intimacy and commitment. There are, however, no parameters to measure these essential qualities in a love relationship. This, therefore, makes a person in a love relationship vulnerable to multiple interpretations of his or her behavior in the relationships. This means that friends and family opinion will be based on observable phenomenon rather than empirical tests. It is also vital to realize that a love relationship gains in depth with time as the relationship matures. Therefore, an outsider’s view may not really reflect this growth.
If a family member may make a negative opinion of another family member’s lover merely because he or she does not possess attributes that the family member considers crucial to a relationship. Moreover, parents tend to look for similar traits in the children’s lovers which are found in their lovers. Therefore, absence or presence of a trait that a person considers negative or positive will invite either a positive or negative opinion. A couple’s relationship experiences a lot of private disclosures that outsiders are not privy to. There is also a greater level of acceptance of the other partner’s strengths and weaknesses. They levels of communication are also relatively close. This makes it harder for a friend or relative to make an objective opinion that is accurate about a couple.
Reference
Olson, D., DeFrain, J., & Skogrand, L. (2010). Marriages and Families: Intimacy, Diversity, and Strengths w/ AWARE Inventory. New York: McGraw-Hill Education.
