The American Dream is described as the “dream of a land in which life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement.” (Redefining The Dream). The world today is a drastically different place than it was 100 years ago. We have interracial couples getting married, same-sex couples getting married, gay and lesbian men and women are adopting babies and having wonderful and amazing families. These changes have taken time to occur, but they have helped grow and establish a new form of “rules and regulations” for families that exist today. The entirety of the family dynamic is changing and shifting to more unconventional setups and it’s an exciting new frontier.
The Traditional Swanson’s
Vicky and Ron Swanson have been married for almost 46 years now. They have 4 children, ranging from the ages of 28, Chris, down to 12, Kayla. The middle children are 18, Johnny and 21, Kaitlyn. Chris moved out of the house about two years ago after completing college, Kaitlyn still lives at home but is currently engaged and going to be heading off to her own home within the coming months. Johnny goes to college 6 hours away while Kayla is the sole child at home on a regular basis. Vicky works as an insurance rep for a local company in Colorado and Ron works in his own business doing projects that involve cloud computing. Vicky’s job is more of an open schedule, allowing her to work as much or as little as she wants. However this is regulated by Ron’s needs and thoughts. Ron works 5 days, averaging 50 hours week. Kayla is in fifth grade and is in dance classes which she attends 5 nights a week from anywhere from 1 to 4 hours. Which to me is mind boggling for a 12 year old. How is she supposed to do homework or have friends with that sort of schedule? But personal thoughts aside, this family is very much the most traditionally established family that I came across.
While Ron comes from a very strong military background he seems to have established a routine for the household. He goes to work and expects that Vicky will remain at home taking care of the household chores and tending to the kids. Ron believes that the work and the money are to be brought home by the man. Without having to look too much into this scenario, there is a distinctly defined gender layout; the woman is meant to be at home, while the man is, more or less, in charge.
Ron works during the day, and this is typically when Vicky will do the same while Kayla is at school. In the evenings though, Vicky is the one in charge of taking Kayla to dance, and also picking her up and bringing her home. At the same time, she is expected to cook dinner and have the house cleaned when Ron gets home. Yet on the weekends, Ron tends to the physical labor of maintaining the house and the land that they own. So mowing the lawn, building a toolshed, pouring concrete to extend their back patio is all in his realm of work.
The impact on the children is an interesting to look at. Psychologists say that children imitate what they see and what they experience in their home life. Much as Ron grew up in a military family, with the man in charge and the woman working within the home, would the children grow up believing this is the proper way to do things? How are they going to handle situations when those dynamics are changed? What about when Johnny finds a girl that he is attracted too, but finds that she isn’t going to be molded into a typical stereotype? Lots of questions to be addressed, but all these same questions could be applied to all families and only time can really give answers to them.
Transitional Ecleston’s
Firstly it should be noticed that it was much hard to find individuals that exist in a transitional family. However, while sitting at Starbucks I noticed an elderly woman sitting with two children. Mustering up the courage to go talk to them, I soon learned that I had found the transitional family that I had been searching for.
Marybeth Ecleston is 68 years old and she is currently raising her two grandchildren, Bailey, 8 and Erika, 12. Marybeth’s son, Matthew, works for a financial company that forces him to travel frequently for lengthy bits of time. When he is gone, Matthew leaves Bailey and Erika in Marybeth’s care. Marybeth works part time in for a photography company. The company itself is in charge of processing all the high school and elementary school pictures that are taken from the wide range of schools in the area. It’s a part time job, but it provides her with a decent income for herself while the kids are in school. Marybeth is quite the agile little woman. Her husband, Garrett, had a stroke when he was 65 and thusly could not work doing physical labor anymore. So during the day Marybeth worked while Garrett took the kids to and from school. In a surprising statistic, 27% of families consist of a single mother with children. (Blackwell) So finding a family with a single father is even more unique.
Currently Matthew is working on a job in Manchester in the United Kingdom. So while Marybeth works during the day, Garrett takes the time to clean the house each and every day. When this is complete, he heads to the garden in which the family grows all of their own vegetables and maintains it until it’s time to get the children. When the children are home, and Marybeth returns, Garrett ensures that the children are in their rooms doing their homework while Marybeth begins dinner. Garrett ensures that the kids are ready for dinner and seated at the table while Marybeth plates everything. After, Garrett gets Bailey and Erika to shower and get ready for bed. Matthew Skype’s the girls twice a week to talk about everything that is going on in their lives. Typically Matthew and the girls are reading a book together, so Matthew will read as the girls lay in bed. The day starts anew with Marybeth getting the girls up in the morning before heading to work and Garrett takes over.
It appears that the gender roles are completely flipped on their head within this family. Marybeth works out of necessity and Garret does the housework. But it is clear that they both have the interests of the girls in their minds. The most interesting aspect I came across is the fact that their father is still relevant in their lives regardless of the distance that exists between them. With the established “story time,” it ensures that the girls don’t feel as though they have been abandoned by their father and reinforces that he is still there and still cares about them. I do question though, given the dynamic, do the children still suffer from the lack of the parent father? True, they are loved and cared for by their grandparents, but with the lack of their father being physically present, is there a possibility that a form of disconnect could plant itself into the children’s heads? Marybeth did clarify that Matthew is only gone for a month or two at a time, but these trips come multiple times throughout the year. However much are children affected by this remains to be seen, I personally can’t help but think that it will have negative affects.
The Metzner Egalitarian’s
Serena and Derek Metzner have a unique family set up. They only have a single child, a young boy named Aiden, 6 but their family is quite equally divided when it comes to what the masses expect from a family dynamic.
Common things such as dinner or housekeeping are simply done by whichever parent is home at the time. Often times Derek will pick up dinner on his way home before Serena has to go in. Other times, Serena will have already made dinner and Derek will eat his once he is at home. There is such a strong sense of communication between them, even though it’s not always vocal. They seem to simply understand and acknowledge what it is to be a family. There is no set standard of men should fix the cars, women should makes sandwiches in the kitchen. They simply work jointly to ensure that nobody goes hungry and that little Aiden is happy. They are more worried about living a happy life together, than worrying about whether or not the lawn was mowed that day or if every single bit of laundry was done. Their priorities are in a different place, and to that end, they honestly appear to be the happiest of the couples that I interviewed.
Interesting Dynamics
Aside from Vicky and Ron, the family dynamic seems to be shifting away from expectations. Both the Transitional and Egalitarian families have shifted the dynamic to show a strong woman working and contributing the household just as much as a man would. And conversely, the men take the same standpoint. Garrett is the counter balance in his family maintaining the home life, while Derek shares all responsibilities with his wife.
When I interviewed Serena and Derek, and asked them about their respective roles, they almost seemed dumbfounded by the questions that I was asking them. The same could be said about Marybeth. I think the questioning finally put into their heads that society expects certain things out of them, and they seemed to find those expectations laughable. In stark contrast, Ron has it set that things are a specific way and that is how they will always be run no matter what. Not that there is anything wrong with that family dynamic, but I know some would not agree with it.
Now when it comes to focusing on who, of the men, are the most committed to their roles as parents, I find that the answer isall of them. They all have the solid goal that they are taking care of children. Tiny humans who need love and attention and help to get through the world and to grow and mature. Ron, Garrett, and Derek all share that same common goal. They simply all have different means in which they are reaching that. And for each of them I noticed potential points of lacking. Ron runs his very on the strict military schedule, he takes care of his children by acknowledging them and spending time with them but the “grunt work” is taken care of by Vicky. So a part of me wonders, does he spend time with the kids out of honest love, or is it slightly out of obligation? The same issue transfers to Marybeth and Garrett. While there is no doubt that these grandparents have gone above and beyond to help Matthew raise his children, I wonder if their parent skills are linked to a bit of sadness for the children, they pity them as opposed to simply love them as they would naturally. If I absolutely had to pick one father over the rest, I would say that Derek is the most committed to his parenting roles simply because those roles are not defined by gender or sex, but simply by their love for their child.
In Closing
Taking the time to sit down with these families has been quite the eye opening experience. It simply shows that no family is alike in their ideals, their morals and the ways in which they believe that their children should be raised. There is no right way to do, and conversely there is no wrong way to do. So long as a family is established and built on love and kindness and an honest will to strive for the betterment of their children, the families are succeeding. Each of these experiences is unique to the individual that is both experiencing it and the one looking at these families from the outside. Ultimately, when all is said and done, these are families who love and care about each other and that’s what matters most.
RESOURCES
Blackwell, Angie. "Families of the 21st Century." Families of the 21st Century. 1996. Web. 26 Feb. 2016. http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Families_of_the_21st_Century.html
"Redefining the Dream." The American Dream. Center For The New American Dream. Web. 26 Feb. 2016.
<https://www.newdream.org/programs/redefining-the-dream/the-american-dream>.
