Table 1. Statistics on Canada’s Divorce Rate
2006-2011
8 percent decrease
Nova Scotia
22 percent decrease
British Columbia
4 percent decrease
30-year total divorce rates
The family therapist, Michael Unger wrote on his Psychology Today blog that he understands that some marriages end in divorce, but that does not mean the children will be worse off. Divorced parents do not necessarily mean poorly socialized children. First of all he says that if there is “emotional or physical violence” then it is better for the children when the parents do divorce. He also says “A divorced family may actually be better for children’s psychosocial development.” He explains that when a divorce is handled well then it can help children develop their resilience. Dr. Unger’s article does not seem to show any bias. He mentions he is married so he is not saying divorce is fine because he is divorced.
A research study he describes was done by Joseph Gumina from Alliant International University in San Francisco, California. Gumina asked thirty adults who had been children when their parents were divorced. He concluded that children are very resilient especially when parent’s use a good strategy with the children. Unger uses the suggestions from Gumina’s study and adds some of his own to give a few tips to readers. (a) Both parents should tell the children about the plans for divorce. (b) The mother and father should not say bad things about the other person or about the marriage. (c) Try to make sure the children will experience the same quality of life after the divorce. (d) Both parents should still attend school events and other events but they do not have to go together or sit together.
Dr. Unger’s ideas are good ones. The tips he gives are to make sure the children will not be hurt. I also think the parents should tell children that the divorce does not change how the mother or father feels about the child. Even if a child’s parents are not married to each other they need to explain to their children that they still love their children just as much. When a child knows that their mom and dad feel the same towards them, it will help the child a lot. I think parents should each tell their children that the divorce is only between the mom and dad. It has nothing to do with the children. In other words it is not their fault.
Dr. Unger also explained that resilience “is not a quality of the individual. It is the quality of the individual’s environment and what the child gets from others.” This is very interesting and something new I have learned. He does not think harm will come to children as long as both parents give each child “a supportive relationship” even after the parents are divorced. I agree with Dr. Unger. His reasoning makes a lot of sense. He also says that is not a good idea for parents to stay together “for the sake of the children.” I agree with him. It is true that children will understand that something is wrong between their parents. The children might start thinking it is their fault when their parents fight. In a house full of tension and unhappiness it would be really hard for children to develop a healthy resilience. Nobody believes a divorce will be easy but in the long run it may be best for everyone.
References
Bielski, Z. Divorce rates drop across Canada. The Globe and Mail, 2012 Mar. 29. Web. 12 Nov. 2012.
Boyles, s. When divorce is best for the children. WebMDHealth News. 2000 Aug. 1. Web. 2012 Nov. 12.
Kelly, M. B. Divorce cases in civil court, 2010/2011. Statistics Canada, 2012 Mar. 28. Web. 2012 Nov. 12.
Statistics Canada, Health Statistics Division, Canadian Vital Statistics, Divorc Database and Marriage Database n.d. Web. 2012 Nov. 12.
Unger, M. Nurturing Resilience: Raising children to be competent and caring. Psychology Today,
