I recall an incident 6 years ago when I was in high school, which to this day continues to baffle me. The incident was a negotiation involving my father and a potential employee at one of his shops. My father had been in the process of setting up a new business and had opted to carry out the interviews for his potential employees at home. Not only did he feel that this would provide a less intimidating atmosphere for his potential employees, but also that it would allow him to comfortably express his culture and expectations without too much effort. My father is quite a proud South Korean, who never hesitates to express his culture, as he believes it makes him a better person. The interview in question was however, between my father and a young Korean male, approximately in his early twenties, born and brought up in Canada.
The interaction mainly stood out due to the manner with which the young interviewee was unable to comprehend the subtle cues my father was giving him. The young man would repeatedly reveal unnecessary and embarrassing personal information to which my father would simply smile and provide polite responses. Instead of seeing it for what it was, the young man would mistake these to signify encouragement to continue. The misinterpretation of the subtle cues even carried over to the end of the interview, after which my father informed the young man with a smile on his face, that he would get back to him, at which point the young man started thanking him profusely, not realizing that he had actually failed the interview. In Korean culture, the manner with which one delivers news or information is considered even more important that the information itself.
This stems from the notion and concepts of Kibun and Nunchi. The former encompasses aspects such as mood, face, pride as well as the state of mind. Due to the importance attached to social harmony within the Korean culture, maintaining a sense of Kibun is integral when it comes to achieving this desired state. Nunchi on the other hand, refers to an individual’s ability to gauge and perceive other people’s moods in the course of communication. In the case of the interaction between my father and the potential employee, the maintenance of positive demeanor on the part of my father, was meant to both communicate non verbal cues and provide an easy way through which to conserve the interviewee’s Kibun. Both Nunchi and Kibun are therefore, very important aspects when it comes to building or achieving social harmony. To individuals who do not belong to the culture, understanding communication may be a bit difficult, more so when one considers that a simple smile or show of politeness are usually taken to denote good news. The smiles and shows of politeness by my father were therefore, misunderstood, as they were not interpreted by the interviewee from the Korean cultural perspective, but rather from one in which a smile is simply a show of positive emotion. My dad’s approach to the interview and the conveyance of bad news, stemmed from the need to ensure that he maintained the interviewee’s sense of Kibun, although the ploy failed, due to the interviewee’s utter lack of Nunchi. In an attempt to ensure he did not spoil the interviewee’s mood and state of mind, as well as interfere with his pride, my father opted to provide polite cues, and deliver the news in a non committal manner, which the interviewee would find easier to accept without losing face or their sense of pride. In an attempt to keep with tradition while delivering the news that his interview had not been successful, my father had opted to maintain a positive outward demeanor, an attempt that ultimately proved futile and in a way, maybe even confusing for the interviewee. Due to a lack of understanding of the two concepts, the interviewee completely misread the situation and ended up gleaning the wrong meaning from the interaction.
Personally, while I do understand the culture, I find it quite difficult to understand the logic behind attaching such great significance to social harmony and maintaining Kibun. It is only possible in my opinion, to maintain a state of Kibun and achieve social harmony in a utopian society. Within the real world, there are bound to be winners and losers, and as a result some are bound to lose face and as a result feel ashamed and have bad moods. While I do view myself as a very liberal, tolerant and accommodating individual, I usually find it very difficult to practice what is expected of me by my original culture. Instead, I seem to be drifting more towards my adopted Western culture, preferring to behave exactly how I feel and say exactly what I mean.
The Korean culture advocates for compromise and arrival at middle ground without loss of pride, face or any other aspect of Kibun. It can be referred to as a compromising negotiation style, which encourages arrival at a consensus within the shortest time possible (Hayes n.pag). The concepts of Kibun and Nunchi emphasize the critical roles both sides of the negotiations must play in order for a conflict to be resolved and a consensus achieved, mostly due to the strong desire for middle ground.
Work Cited
Hayes, Sherrrill. Understanding Conflict Resolution from the Inside Out OR Why 800 Pound Gorillas Aren’t Great Mediators. 2011. Web
