Losing one parent or both can be devastating for children. Their lives become disoriented and stressful due to issues like economic sustenance, especially when one parent is supportive than the other. Many children, having been used to seeing their parents together, do not adjust well to cases of divorce, and their behaviors are adversely affected. Their lives become disrupted by such drastic changes, and their lives might make a turn for the worst. The divorce of parents causes many issues that end up affecting the children undesirably.
Losing a parent causes losses in knowledge, skills, and other resources that were provided by the parent. When my dad finally divorced from my mother, my brother and I suffered a terrible yearning for the fatherly figure we were all used to seeing around the house especially when he was not working during the weekends. Mum was already suffering financially given that her secretarial job was not paying as much as dad used to make, and we consequently suffered the loss of the money he used to give us from time to time. More importantly, the loss of the love and comfort he induced when he was around was much more felt by my young brother mostly because they were real close. When dad first divorced from mum, I remember my little brother beginning to exhibit changes such as not eating, locking himself up in his room and being cold to everyone in the house. He became totally isolated from everyone in school too and on some days, he would not attend school or hang out with his friends in kindergarten.
In divorce, children are the most affected, and they lead a stressful life. Sometimes, these children may opt to change school, have self-esteem issues, or make certain adjustments to suit them seeing both parents (Pickhardt). But in my case, mum did not want us doing anything with my dad. She made sure that she kept us separated from him and rebuked us whenever she heard him being mentioned around. I knew that she resented him for what he had done, and would hear none of it. Not the fact that I knew he was cheating or that he was trying to apologize for his stupid mistake. I’d known about dad’s affairs for some time, but I kept quiet about it and decided to let it play out, something that I would come to regret later. Keeping such a secret hidden from mum always made me feel insecure, and sorry for my mother. I did not tell a soul about the mess that was going on in my family, and when the divorce finally happened, a deep sense of remorse and guilt overcame me. I remember my little brother asking all the unanswerable questions, like how we would keep seeing both parents, the reason dad decided to leave us for another woman, or whether mum would be okay without him. In the end, we did not make any adjustments to our time to see him. Mom said, if he had any use for us, he would come looking for us himself.
The exposures that children go through when parents go to court to finalize divorce cases and fight over children ownership and property division is gruesome and unhealthy. There is a reason to believe that most children who go through that kind of exposure are bound to repeat the same behavior in future or become judgmental of one parent. Luckily for us, the legal battle over custody and the like has not begun, and no one has signed any divorce papers for a long time. But the inevitable question of when that day will finally come always lingers and I cannot help but ask myself what will transpire between my parents and the kind of effect it will unravel for us, especially my little brother.
The children that are affected by divorce are likely to exhibit behavioral problems compared to those in unbroken families ((Pickhardt). This is relatable in the case of my small brother’s solitary confinement after the divorce and always being alienated from his friends. It is said that the boy child is more likely to exhibit these behavior changes because they tend to blame themselves for the divorce. This is true in my case because I somehow feel guilty about hiding dad’s secret affair and additionally, having to suffer for it. I still don’t know how the divorce has affected me but maybe as time progresses, I will be healed somehow. In the case of my small brother, becoming emotional all the time and forming relationships with his peers has become an issue, and I fear that he might become permanently withdrawn from his social life at home and in school. I talked to my mother about it and recommended that he starts seeing the school counsellor to help him cope with the feeling of loss. Meanwhile, I will try playing the role of the big brother more and talk to him and see him more often than before.
In summary, the anxious and vague feeling of knowing what is going to happen next is more unsettling than the realization that mum and dad separated some eight months ago. Wishful thinking, insecurity, insincerity with personal feelings, and trust issues are some of the most prevalent feelings right now at home. I feel betrayed by a father whose secret I desperately tried to keep hidden, and it tore me apart from the inside seeing my mum struggling through tears of shame and despondency every night after she realized he was with another woman. My small brother, on the other hand, blames himself for the hell we are going through and keeps hoping they will be solve issues between them soon. I know for sure that the effects of divorce are unpleasant, and it is sad that this issue has become so multi-faceted and predominant in the world. Hopefully, though, because many young people are marrying later in life, the number of children affected by divorce will reduce.
Work cited
Pickhardt, Carl E. "The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents". Psychology Today. N.p., 2011. Web. 14 Mar. 2016.
