I chose to do a research about children and their well-being which includes the relationship they have with their parents. There are many ways in which children can be tricked and abused and everything has to be done to prevent that. People who are supposed to teach and guide the children might be those who try to abuse them in the first place. There is trust involved and children feel safe with these people because their parents trust them as well. However, the situation is such that children get abused in various forms without even noticing it until it goes too far and out of control. The situations the children encounter have influence on the development of children which is why it is important to protect them from abusive people and keep them safe.
I read a parent’s guide for the boy scouts because parents are advised to discuss the dangers that await the children once they are unsupervised in the real world. Moreover, they are not really unattended, but they are surrounded by people who do want to do them harm and the children need to know how to resist these people. There is the example of a boy who is 12 years old who took up wrestling lessons, but had to report the strange behavior he got from his teacher. He says: “I’ve been noticing that when he’s teaching me, he holds me down and sometimes grabs me between the legs. He makes like it’s a real funny joke, but I’m not so sure that I like it” (scouting.org). This is a typical abuse by a person who is supposed to be trustworthy and reliable, but who takes advantage of a young boy buy giving him lessons in an empty space when there is nobody around. However, the boys are educated to “recognize, resist and report” (scouting.org). This is the best way to make children safe when they are out of the reach of their parents or the people they can rely on. Shafali Tsabari says that it is her “privilege to help people explore their inner worlds” (Tsabari). The psychological world, especially feelings has a lot of influence on the person’s complete well-being. Whenever people talk about their deepest feelings, they reflect on their childhood memories which shaped them. There is a special bond between a child and a parent which influences the further psychological development of the child. A 40-year-old man asked Tsabari: “Will I ever meet my father’s expectations?” (Tsabari). She explains how even adult people suffer from traumas which they were affected by during their childhood. People wish for the approval from the people who mean to them a lot no matter how successful they might be. The voice of the parents matter because it is the one that shapes people’s personalities. Parents should become aware of the fact that they leave the greatest impact on their children, which is why they need to reconsider their connection with the children. Parenthood is important because modern generations have problems which they need to be ready for.
Jennifer Kolari says that “the brain adapts to the environment it finds itself in” (Kolari). This is a new research and people can work on their own improvement since there is no damage which is irreversible because: “Every time we experience changes, the brain adapts, learns and grows” (Kolari). When parents say good things to their children, it remains in their brains as a positive reaction. Parents are responsible for the development of the brains of their children. When parents give their children positive feedback about their behavior, the children’s level of oxytocin increases which makes them happier and more adapt in life. The point is it is not too late for the parents to begin to listen to their children’s needs even when their children grow up because brain is neuro-plastic.
Commentary Analysis
Reading the parental guide for the protection of their children from abuse was educational because it is related to the fact that children often become the victims of abuse in the most unexpected places. The fact that children are abused by someone that is close to them and they can trust is devastating because of the fact that it can cause trust issues for them. It is essential for a child to be able to notice the strange behavior and to report it as soon as possible. It is sometimes too late, but in reality, every problem can be fixed.
Children need to be taken care of by their parents and not criticized. Parents often unconsciously criticize their children which makes them vulnerable because children grow up believing that they will never meet their parents’ expectations. This is not a good pattern of behavior because these children grow up believing that their parents will never be proud of them and that they will never earn their love. This happens no matter of their success because of the fact that the approval has to come from the parents and not from the outside world. Many parents make the mistake of overly-criticizing their children and this makes them emotionally unstable as adults. Most people have unresolved emotional issues which date from early childhood and they develop anxieties which are related to the fact that they never received recognition for their success from their parents. This is nobody’s mistake because the parents do not do this on purpose, but because they do not know of a better way to bring their children up.
The brain is neuro-plastic and it can never be too late to improve a child’s self-esteem because of the fact that the brain is adaptable. The parents only need to recognize the need to change and to listen to their children more. They also need to find a balance between criticizing and between tolerating everything because the children should not grow up becoming too dependent on their parents. It is always the fault of the parents when they do not show enough appreciation for the efforts children are making. This is important because the appreciation raises the level of oxytocin and reduces the level of stress which makes the children better equipped for life. The children who were raised in the right way know the difference between right and wrong and know how to solve all sorts of problems. Oxytocin is important for the development of the child’s feelings and getting approval from the parents makes children capable of dealing with everyday issues.
Parents should not have the same parenting methods as their parents did because of the fact that times change and the world becomes a more challenging place which is also dangerous at the same time. It is essential for the children to be aware of the fact that they are protected by their parents but also to have the inner strength to cope with the problems themselves once they encounter them. What is necessary is the balance between relying on the protection of parents and between taking the problems into one’s own hands. Everybody wants to have children who are self-sufficient which is why it is important to raise them in a way that would make them confident to rely on themselves in order to resolve any issues they might encounter later in life.
It is important to know that the damage done to the children is reversible because the brain adapts to the environment. However, it is better for the children to grow up in the loving and caring atmosphere instead of being criticized all the time. The worst thing a parent can do is compare their child to other children and to make them feel guilty about everything bad that happens. Life consists of positive and negative events and a child needs to make mistakes in order to learn and grow as a person. Parents can become better people while bringing their children up because they can learn from each other. The adults can learn from children too because the children are innocent and honest.
Good parenting is about listening to the children and asking them to talk about what goes on in their lives. Children should not be overly-criticized because they will end up being stressed and unable to study and create emotional bonds with other people. Parents need to find the balance between tolerance and criticizing because of the fact that children need encouragement. The part of growing up is related to the development of trust and that is why children need to feel safe and talk to their parents about everything. This can prevent any negative things which could happen to children because their relationship with their parents has to be strong and dominant. It is easier to spot the abuser if there is complete trust between the parent and the child. The child is prone to tell everything to their parents especially the inappropriate things that might have happened to them. Parents need to listen to the children carefully in order to be able to help them adequately. Everything needs to be taken seriously because children may develop serious mental health problems if they do not feel protection from their parents. Every person relies on their nuclear family to help them go through the difficulties in life and that is why all the people need to educate themselves about parenthood and about establishing meaningful relationships.
Works Cited
"How to Protect Your Children ." Scouting.org. N.p., 2005. Web. 27 Apr. 2016. <http://www.scouting.org/filestore/ypt/pdf/46-015.pdf>.
Tsabary, Shefali. "Conscious Parenting: Shefali Tsabary at TEDxSF (7 Billion Well) ." YouTube. N.p., 2012. Web. 27 Apr. 2016. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM_PQ2WUD2k>.
Kolari, Jennifer. "How Parenting Affects Your Child's Brain ." YouTube. N.p., 2012. Web. 27 Apr. 2016. <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFckNenV-QE>.
