Conflict Management for Parents
One of the best tips on how parents can teach their children about conflict management is to teach a child to recognize other people’s feelings (National Crime Prevention Council, 2012). By enabling a child to determine when someone is scared, worried, sad, or happy, he or she is able to determine the most appropriate way of responding in a situation. This can prevent antecedent situations, which may precede or cause a conflict situation (Kreitner & Kinicki, 2010). Similarly, by being able to determine how others feel, the child is better able to determine that there is conflict. By being able to perceive conflict, the child is able to start behaving in ways that will resolve the conflict.
Another advice is for the parent to listen to the child and help the child in negotiating a solution (National Crime Prevention Council, 2012). The parent should first acknowledge the child’s feelings about the conflict before trying to come up with a solution. Problem solving is one of the best ways to resolve a conflict, as it helps the conflicting parties acknowledge that they would equally lose if they fail to solve the conflict in an amicable manner (Bwowe, 2002). With the problem solving technique, the conflicting parties must recognize that they are a part of the problem and that the solution arrived at must be acceptable to everyone involved.
According to Kreitner and Kinicki (2010), the problem solving technique is more effective and appropriate when the issues are important and require an optimal solution or when the conflicting parties are committed to different goals where a compromise may just make matters worse. Moreover, the problem solving technique is appropriate when the problems are complex and are made worse by misunderstandings, as well as when the conflicting parties are willing to put the group’s goals before their individual goals, when they have the time to find a solution to the problem, and when maintaining the relationship is important for them.
The third advice is to use positive methods in disciplining a child, that is, by not using physical punishment and by not yelling (National Crime Prevention Council, 2012). As Kreitner and Kinicki (2010) stated, not all conflicts are negative. Functional conflicts are actually useful and are encouraged. As an example, stimulating functional conflict within the organization can lead to effective performance (Bwowe, 2002).
Other approaches for resolving or managing conflicts include collaborating, compromising, and avoiding (Gamage, 2006). The collaborating approach encourages high levels of assertiveness and cooperation. This approach requires the conflicting parties to delve into an issue and talk about their concerns in an effort to reach a mutually satisfying solution. However, Kreitner & Kinicki (2010) recommend against this approach when the conflict is rooted in opposing value systems. The compromising approach, on the other hand, balances assertiveness and cooperation in moderate levels. This approach requires negotiation where the conflicting parties must search for a middle ground and must agree on trade-offs in order to come up with mutually acceptable solutions. Kreitner & Kinicki (2010), however, state that this approach does not lead to creative problem solving. Finally, conflict avoidance, the most natural approach, can be accomplished by procrastinating or ignoring the differences in opinions; by isolating oneself; by withholding beliefs or conflicts; by working with like-minded people; or by smoothing.
It is also important to walk in the other person’s shoes when trying to avoid or resolve a conflict as this enables us to understand the other person’s motivation, point of view, and reaction to the conflict. We can further understand their point of view by asking them to provide us with examples that would clarify the issues. We should then summarize, restate, or rephrase what the other person said in order to ensure that our understanding is correct.
Personally, I tend to handle conflicts by avoiding them whenever possible. I am quite frank and straightforward and don’t mind talking about conflicts or issues. However, I recognize that not all people are comfortable with confrontations and that, even if I try to talk to them about it, they probably wouldn’t give me an honest answer just to avoid conflict, so I just try to avoid it. Some conflicts also tend to get resolved on their own, so sometimes ignoring or avoiding the issues is better than acknowledging them.
On the other hand, if the issues for the conflict are important to me, such as things that I would have to deal with on a daily basis, or if the person I’m in conflict with is someone important, such as my family or close friend, then I try to tell them about my issues in hopes that they would understand my concerns and would try to address them. By sharing my concerns with them, they may also be encouraged to share their concerns with me, so that I, too, may be able to address whatever’s bothering them. In these situations where the relationship and the people involved are important, ignoring or avoiding the conflict may result in the problems growing bigger, with the relationship eventually suffering for it.
References
Bwowe, P. W. (2002, December). An investigation into the conflict management styles used
in organisations with specific reference to some organisations in the northern region of
the Eastern Cape province. Port Elizabeth Technikon. Retrieved from
http://www.nmmu.ac.za/documents/theses/BwoweP.pdf.
Gamage, D. T. (2006). Professional development for leaders and managers of self-governing
schools. Dordrecht, The Netherlands: Springer.
Kreitner, R. & Kinicki, A. (2010). Organizational behavior (9th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill
Higher Education.
National Crime Prevention Council. (2012). Conflict management for parents. Retrieved from
http://www.ncpc.org/topics/conflict-resolution/conflict-management.
