Abstract:
Having not always been a Christian, it was a struggle to come to the light and find solace and comfort in Jesus Christ’s life and teachings. There was no guarantee that I would arrive at the peace and happiness that I found once I received Christ into my mind, heart, and spirit. Having been raised in a family that was spiritual, but not religious, I had no guidance to point me in the direction of the faith that would ultimately change my life for the better. It was not until I underwent crucial transformation and metamorphosis of mind and spirit that I realized I needed the influence of Christ in my life. After battling for several years with an acute eating disorder and struggling with an intense cocaine addiction, it occurred to me that I needed to seek help from a higher power. In the moment that I chose to receive Christ into my life, doorways leading to new, healthy, life changing opportunities immediately opened. I abandoned the destructive pathologies I had entertained for so long in exchange for the bliss and freedom that my faith provided me.
I have not always been a Christian. I was raised in a family that is deeply spiritual, but not religiously affiliated. My parents were both raised Catholic when they were growing up, and this had a significant impact and influence upon their parenting style. Although they did not ask of me that I submit to any particular organized religion, attend liturgy, participate in church coordinated activities, or anything of that nature, they did ask me to have faith in something. My father would often quote the philosopher, William James, who said, “Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact” (James, 2016). My parents inspired me to believe in the unseen creative forces that govern and sustain all life. However, they never put a name to what that energy might be, which caused some confusion in my life early on as I struggled to find definite answers to my most pressing questions about God’s origin, the ways of nature, or the reason for certain events that transpired in my journey. Before I became a Christian, I desperately sought after a solution to the world’s problems. At times, I could not believe in a God that would allow for so much affliction, violence, and poverty to exist in the world. Sometimes, I rallied against my spirituality with a ferocious defiance that swore off the existence of anything celestial because I was too blinded by my anger or fear to recognize that God is an intrinsic part of all beings and things.
I realized I needed Jesus and received him into my life when I suffered the throws of a serious eating disorder and a struggle with addiction. Throughout my schooling, I was routinely teased and chided for being overweight and unattractive. This would ultimately inspire me to drop a substantial amount of weight from my frame, until I eventually became obsessed with the process of shedding weight. I came to love it when people I knew admired my weight loss and congratulated me on having taking an active interest in my health and development. I became much more attractive, and I earned the affection and attention of many partners who made me feel that I belonged. However, their reason for making me feel this way had nothing to do with my soul or spirit, and everything to do with my renewed physical appearance. By the time I acknowledged how toxic my eating disorder was, I had become addicted to a drug that aided the process of losing weight: cocaine. My addiction to cocaine caused me to suffer due to an inability to communicate to others my need for help. That’s when I realized I need Jesus. I received him into my life one day, after a terrible coke binge, when I sat down at a local church to take in the silence and marvel at the beautiful stained glass. I felt Christ’s presence enter into my spirit and assure me that everything would be ok. From that moment onward, I knew that I had rekindled my relationship with Jesus and with God, and that I would never sever my ties with those forces ever again.
Since receiving Christ and God’s promise, the biggest change I have noticed in my life is my attitude for exercising compassion and understanding towards others. Having experienced the depths of my own intense suffering, I recognize that everyone I meet is fighting a difficult battle. I can see that they are in need of my care, love, attention, and warmth. As such, I make it a point to extend tenderness, generosity, and respect towards everyone I meet, knowing well that they are deserving of it and that they might be in desperate need of that kind of attention. I took comfort in the worlds of Albert Schweitzer who said, “The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others” (Schweitzer, 2016). I discovered that I wanted to give others the same warmth and kindness that Christ gave me on the day I visited the church. Now, as I go about my journey and meet new people, I seek to learn about them, to make them feel that they belong, and to assure them that everything will work out as it should.
Bibliography
James, William. "William James Quote." BrainyQuote. Xplore, n.d. Web. 15 July 2016. <http:// www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/williamjam101061.html?src=t_believe>.
Schweitzer, Albert. "Albert Schweitzer Quote." BrainyQuote. Xplore, n.d. Web. 15 July 2016. <http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/albertschw133530.html? src=t_compassion>.
