My lifestyle in the last five years could be best described as arbitrary. I wasn’t necessarily here or there when it came to balancing the intrinsic efforts with extrinsic values. It was as if I hadn’t fully convinced myself, or was overly committed into a certain type of thinking in which all of my characteristics agreed with one another on both the inside and out. For instance, I’m impulsive, capricious, which makes me very moody and rather stubborn. Yet, with this variety of energy going on, there was hardly a show of true feelings. Crying, regardless of the circumstances, joy or terror or grief, I could not turn a stressful opportunity into a moment of expression. There was a numbness that needed to be extinguished.
Recently, yoga and hiking have been a way of putting my body through patient and enduring circumstances. By using my body to move and exert, I’m finally expressing myself. This would be a new thing for me. Before and to this today, I work hard to afford things, usually choosing intelligence over strength. I would think through a situation but now that I’ve acknowledged my wellbeing, my physicality, it’s forced me to think with my arms, my trunk, my legs, instead of just my head and hands. This conscious decision has lead to better, healthier manners, and has exceeded material goals. Now that I am confident in my mind, I am finally working to be confident in my body.
The next five years are definitely about my progression. Being healthy is definitely the foundation of my efforts. Eating well, exercise, and more importantly, yoga, are going to be the force that keeps me youthful and young-looking. I want to enjoy life; I want to travel; I intend to sky-dive more than once. Even though I’m going to be more daring with my body, that doesn’t mean my mindset won’t be challenged again. A manager in a restaurant or hotel is a place I want and deserve to be. The position will keep my mind active. In this atmosphere it would be optimal, exercising my thinking to be more generous and people-oriented than closed and judgmental. Soon, the job would weed out my choosy behavior to be more effective and appropriate toward my peers.
When my body became an active part of my life, I developed a lifestyle. When I was mind-oriented, the rest of me was reduced to the point of having a lack of feeling. I was internally impulsive but physical inflexible.
At a time that others are being active and have experienced in-the-moment context, I was withdrawn. But now, at a time that others are settling, I have now found my moment to be enlivened. I’ve found my balance, (and even better,) I’ve rewired my sense of purpose. In order to better power my internal desires, I’ve made my body more accessible. Since exercise has energized me the person to have rigor, suddenly my wishes are more about Doing and Being and Becoming—to wholly apply. With these kind of results, I can safely say, the next five years are going to bring me closer to the steadiness that every person is capable and now it’s my turn.
