Critical Thinking On Young Luck

- The introduction of the essay seems too rhetorical to be interesting. It is also too wordy at the expense of clarity. The author should consider using simpler language that readers will be able to relate to.
- The thesis statement is quite clear – the youngest child is ‘luckier’ than the oldest in a family’. The author has repeated it twice within the paragraph. However, the introduction does not include a summary of supporting facts, other than the author’s personal experience, to back the thesis.
- Although the author does not explicitly state the purpose of the essay, the thesis statement is clear enough for the reader to understand what the essay will be discussing.
- The three paragraphs after the introduction all begin with clear topic sentences. However, the third paragraph of the essay can actually be broken into two separate points. It begins with the topic of ‘As the youngest, parents spoil you more with both affection and material things’. However, the thirteenth sentence of the paragraph onwards, the author speaks about how younger siblings bear fewer responsibilities. I think this should be treated as the third point in favor of the thesis so the essay would have three point in favor and one counter argument.
- The topic sentences in each paragraph give the reader an ‘idea’ of what the paragraph is about but not as clearly as it should. For example, in the second paragraph, the topic states that ‘Being the ‘baby’ of the family, you can get away with a considerable amount’. A considerable amount of what? The author should consider rephrasing the topic sentences – focus on clarity and content.
- Every topic sentence does support the thesis statement clearly enough with the exception of the fourth paragraph that begins with a counter argument.
- Although the author provides several examples to support the topic sentences, they are all from personal experiences. This gives the essay a one-sided feel as the treatment meted out to older and younger siblings varies from family to family. The essay would be much more interesting and purposeful if accounts of friends or other families were included.
- The examples are animated to the point of being entertaining.
- The essay is organized as an introduction, a conclusion, with three body paragraphs in between. The first two body paragraphs are clearly in favor of the thesis while with the third paragraph the author introduces limited counter arguments. This has been done to provide a balance to the argument which should help in asserting the validity of the thesis statement.
- The paragraphs do not transition or flow. On the contrary, each paragraph appears to be a standalone point. It is the topic statements that allow for the organization of the essay to be understood.
- As mentioned earlier, the second body paragraph could be broken to make an additional paragraph by itself. Also, the paragraphs end abruptly. It would perhaps be better if the author included a concluding sentence at the end of each paragraph that ties the example with the topic sentence. The organization of the paper is fine otherwise.
- Every paragraph starts with a topic statement that is followed by a second sentence that offers further explanation of the topic. This is immediately backed by an example from personal experience. The organization is followed throughout the body of the paper.
- The paragraphs basically rely on only one example to back the topic statement so there is no scope for a transition. The second paragraph of the body can be broken into a separate paragraph but this too would have only one example.
- The writer does not repeat the thesis statement as such. In fact, the thesis statement is not mentioned at all. While the introduction is all about who is luckier – oldest or youngest child, the conclusion mere states that ‘It is a great thing being the youngest sibling’. The point of comparison is missing.
- The conclusion lists the main point or rephrased topic sentences in the order in which they appeared in the essay. It ends up sounding more of a summation or abstract than a conclusion.
- The conclusion is, in fact, a repetition of the topic sentences of the body paragraph. The author offers nothing new to contribute to the reader’s perception of the subject. Again, as with the introduction, the point or purpose of writing the essay is missing. The conclusion should not only restate the purpose, but also show how the essay has achieved it.
- The most interesting part of the essay is its narrative, and the descriptive writing of the author. Anyone who has a sibling will relate to at least one of the examples used and hence the paper is easy to relate to.
- The writer should remember that this is not a story that is merely aimed at stirring certain emotions in a reader. The essay should have a clear purpose as well as a well defined target audience. The writer should try to provide more examples from sources other than personal experience. This would provide a more sturdy support to the thesis. Finally, a little more attention to detail is require in terms of grammatical and sentence formation errors.