Abstract
Society often finds itself constructing a structural model it uses to determine whether people are best suited for marriage. Culture plays a central role in the construction of that model and through it, people get to see the perfections and imperfections they can live or without in marriage. Before making a choice for a marriage partner, many people always want to be sure whether their partners are the best choices and how their cultures interplay with theirs. If the two cultures are way different, and no one is willing to compromise, then that marriage is bound to fail or will never materialize. Preference for matching partners always has culture playing the red card. That is the reason many societies prefer marriage arrangements through family, friends or acquaintances. A shared culture is always seen as a recipe for a successful marriage because the most similar people seem to be the more compatible they are.
The 21st century is undergoing a radical change in family dynamics and the search for a suitable marriage partner is dependent on very many factors. Many issues influence the formation of a family, and some of them are industrialization, globalization, an increased number of employed women and even democratic shifts in the socioeconomic status of spouses. In the search for a marriage partner, there are factors that people consider which help in the formation of perceptions towards potential marriage partners (Cherlin, 2004). Some of those cultures include but are not limited to religion, nationality, race and belief systems. It is imperative to note that culture can shape the perception of a person, and it is that attitude that is developed that will determine whether people can become friends or lovers. The same applies to the institution of marriage especially in choosing a marriage partner. People who want to choose marriage partners have to contend with the cultural backgrounds of their prospective partners in order for them to make the decision as to whether they are going to get married or not.
Just like in every culture that exists and one that is being practiced in the world, a person’s upbringing influences the important decisions they have to make that touch of their beliefs and culture. There are various rules that guide the choosing of a marriage partner and so, people tend to follow them especially if they are staunch followers of their cultures. Many cultures from across the world have dos and don’ts that pertain to the institution of marriage and if one meets a partner whose cultural beliefs on marriage strictly contrast their own they will tend to avoid marrying such persons (Ginsburg, 2005). That does not mean that there are no cross-cultural marriages in societies that do not agree on certain core principles of marriage. When such marriages happen, one partner will have to compromise and accept the other’s culture. But when no one is willing to compromise then there are very high chances that such a marriage may never work.
Before the wedding, partners are expected to court one another for them to get enough time to acquaint themselves with their cultures if at all they are different from each others'. That happens in situations where partners share a cultural background or a different one. The courtship period also offers partners time to know what the other has to offer and also to fuse their different worldviews into one. Partners get to learn each other’s cultural backgrounds and weigh out whether they can live with them or not. When the cultures of the two who are involved with each other repulses either one or both of them, it means one party does not agree with the traditions or belief system of another and that can negatively impact their relationship. At some point, it may come out as if the feelings and attitudes of either partner or both of them may override what each one of them needs (Signs, 2014). It is at such points when it seems difficult to marry a person who belongs to a culture that is different from one’s own. That is when partners become anxious and develop negative feelings towards each other and questions the reason they got married to each other when their cultural backgrounds are so different. It is from such experiences that some people tend to believe that it is a lot wiser to marry from their communities or culture.
In most if not all cultures men are the dominating figures in a marriage and women are the subordinates. But not all cultures permit a man to be overbearing, cranky and abusive while the woman sits by and watches or feels guilty for being a bad spouse. Sometimes family traditions and upbringing influences the perceptions a person may have about marriage and their spouse (Sassler, 2004). For instance, if a man grew up seeing his mother being physically abused, there are very high chances that they will abuse their spouses. And if in the man’s community it is common to find a man physically or emotionally abusing their spouses without anyone question then this is a culture they are bound to exercise. On the other hand, if the wife grew up in a setting where respect and love were mutually expressed between her parents she would expect the same to happen in her marriage. These are two people who come from two different backgrounds and they both would expect to see or practice what they know and witnessed in their families and societies.
Also, children who grow up in divorced, separated, cohabiting or non- married families may not view the institution of marriage in the same way as children who are bred in families where parents are married. The upbringing of a child influences what they may become in future in as far as their marriage in concerned (Ajzen, 1980). For instance, in scenarios where parents are divorced or cohabiting, the children might end up divorcing or cohabiting. If the parent is unmarried, then the children might not get married. That affects the decisions that their partners might make and the assumption that such children might become just like their parents especially when the supposed spouse comes from a family complete with both parents. Interestingly, people who come from societies that value marriage so much look at a divorced or one- parent family differently and that may influence the decisions people make in choosing their life partners. In fact, the decision to marry from outside of one’s cultural norms is dependent on other factors such as educational level, religiosity and even the socioeconomic status of a person.
Indeed, culture shapes the choice of a marital partner because it forms the basis of establishing the belief systems of partners and that will lead to knowing whether both have a consensus on what they expect out of their marriage. It is arguably true to say that one’s culture determines who a person becomes and that applies to marriage. No one will be all too willing to get married to a person who they know they will never agree on important issues in the course of their marriage. That is the very reason dating or courting partners who intend to get married are advised to make sacrifices and cultural decisions early so that they do not have problems later on in their marriage. The question spouses need to ask themselves is whether their culture supports their marriage or not in as far as reaching a consensus is concerned. If not both have to reach a consensus that will benefit each other. If the cultures that spouses subscribe to poke holes or draw wedges in the institution of marriage, then the parties involved need to draw a line and make decisions that will benefit both of them. It is for that very reason that partners should have their cultures evaluated and decisions made on how the cultures will affect their union even before they choose their marital partner.
References
Ajzen, I. & Fishbein, M. (1980). Understanding Attitudes and Predicting Social behavior. New Jersey: Prentice hall.
Cherlin, A. J. (2004). “The Deinstitutionalization of American Marriage”. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, 848- 861
Ginsburg, R. Y. (2005). Consciousness and Choice: Finding Your Soul Mate. New York: GalEinai Publication Society
Sassler, S. (2004). The process of Entering into Cohabitating Unions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 66, 491- 505
Sign, A. O. (2014). Your Choice of a Life Partner. Bloomington: AuthorHouse.
