Introduction
Children raised in two-parent families have more advantages compared to their peers from divorced families. The family structure has changed such that almost half of the marriages end up in divorce. Children often develop emotional, behavioral and social problems due to the divorce cases. Most of these children also suffer from aggression and poor academic performance. It is obvious that children are the innocent victims of divorce. The question is; how can the well-being of children from divorced families be protected? The purpose of this research is to find ways through which children from divorced families can be assisted.
Article; Psychological perspectives
Existing problems such as developmental, cognitive, psychiatric and emotional vulnerabilities that existed before the divorce are likely to interfere with the child’s ability to adjust to the new situation. In the event of a divorce, the parent is likely to be preoccupied with the divorce and will end up not being emotionally available for the child (Jordan 430). Imagine how this will feel for the child who is forced to go through a difficult time without the help of the parent. Well, in certain instances, some children are so adversely affected that they require the intervention of a psychologist. “Helping a child adjust to change and manage anxieties and developmental challenges and to guide parents in modifying a child’s problematic behaviors are typically right within a child psychologist’s wheelhouse” (Jordan 430). To do this, psychologists require the input of teachers and at times, pediatricians and occupational therapists. These are people who have spent time with the child and are familiar with the child’s psychology. The psychologist is expected to put other factors such as the extent of the conflict between the parents into consideration. The psychological situation of the child of divorced parents is almost similar to other children who undergo other significant stressors in their lives (Jordan 430). Children from divorced parents face the risk of social, academic and behavioral problems twice as much as children from two-parent families (Jordan 431). These factors are, however, dependent on other factors such as the psychological adjustment of the divorcing parents and their parenting skills as well as the individual characteristics of the child. A child with a pre-existing history of behavioral problem is most likely to suffer adversely from the divorce of their parents. So, how does the individual characteristics of the child influence the adjustment following the divorce?
Article; Individual, social and familial dealings
Individual characteristics of the child influence the child’s ability to deal with the negative outcomes of a divorce. Divorce adjustments for the children are encompassed in the child’s interpersonal context (Dreman 43). For most children, divorce is a short-time crisis which disappears within the first six months following the divorce. What happens in the event that the child is temperamental and has problems adjusting to the new residence? Living with a single parents where they cannot see their parents as often is difficult enough. What if, in addition to these changes at home, the child is also forced to change schools and is forced to join a new school with no friends? Parents may not have the ability to control these changes, but they can make the situation less painful for their children by fostering interpersonal relationships and family cohesion.
Interpersonal relationships within families have proved to be more important than the family structure. “Family cohesiveness (sense of togetherness) and adaptability (flexibility) may be related to children’s divorce adjustment” (Dreman 52). A study in Israel proved that children from divorced families who perceived family cohesiveness and flexibility to be considerably high had fewer behavioral problems. Parents need to ensure that they have close relationships with their children. After-all it is the love that matters. Parents need to focus on the post-divorce family structure and make it as stable as possible. Conflicts between parents are confusing to the children who fail to understand why their once friendly parents are divorcing (Dreman 49). A divorce interferes with the family structure which is also likely to interfere with the parents’ performance of their parental role.
The post-divorce family structure has a great impact on the child’s adjustment. A child with divorced parents will have a more difficult time if the parent is in denial. The situation turns for the worst if the parent in question is the custodial parent. Proper custodial adjustment of the guardian has a positive impact on the adjustment of the child. Parents should seek for social support from the extended families to offer children a better chance to adjust to the divorce. “Grandparents help financially and share in child care, as well as with household responsibilities, providing their grown children and grandchildren with emotional support as well” (Dreman 58). Divorced parents are advised to reside with a maternal grandmother when possible. Unlike siblings, most grandparents have the time to assist the family to take care of the children and offer them emotional support. Siblings are likely to still abhor childhood grudges and are also preoccupied with their own families. An unstable post-divorce environment will only cause the child more difficulties. One variable that can be used to monitor the child’s adjustment is their academic performance. How does divorce affect a child’s academic performance?
Book; Differences in academic life
Divorce has a significant effect on the academic performance of children. A study conducted by The Institute of Development of Educational Activities on 18,000 students concluded that single parent children displayed lower academic performances when compared to their peers with both parents (Everett 284). Boys and younger children are the worst affected. The first year is the toughest on the children, and a decline in their academic performance is to be expected. 86 percent of school going children with divorced parents showed a drop in their grades (Everett 144). The drop in academic performance was often influenced by the parent’s adjustment. Poor adjustment of the child does not only result in poor academic performance, but it is also associated by aggressive behavior and poor social skills. In some rare cases, children exhibited signs of academic improvement following the divorce of their parents. This was especially the case when the parents were involved in discord before the divorce (Everett 266). Some children are denied proper raising due to the lack of cooperation from conflicting parents. The raising of the child is important both after and before the divorce.
Article; raising the kid
The well-being of the child is influenced by how the child is raised. The current family formation in the United States denies children of their needs. Children raised by both parents are less likely to suffer from social, cognitive and emotional problems both during their childhood and adulthood. Policy makers are looking at family promotion programs to increase the number of children raised by both parents are likely to improve the well-being of children in the United States (Amato 75). Children who experience divorce are more vulnerable to academic, behavioral and emotional problems. A study conducted on 60 families involving 131 children proved that five years after the divorce, one-third of the children had adjusted properly and even had healthy relationships with both parents. Another third of these children showed signs of clinical depression and poor academic performance. Studies have also revealed that most children adjust in two years following the divorce, but showed evidence of deterioration following the remarriage of their mothers especially in daughters (Amato 76). Based on these studies, single-parent families put children at a sufficient amount of risk. It is, however, wrong to conclude that divorce is the sole contributing factor to the lack of well-being of children (Amato 82). Most children living with single parents are exposed to more stressors which include the conflict between their parents and economic hardships, among others (Amato 84). It is a little optimistic to expect a divorced parent to pull off a good parenting job amidst all these challenges. Both parents and children are likely to succumb to these stressors and go into depression.
Article in a website; depression in kids when their parents divorced and problem solving
Depression is common in both parents and children from divorced parents, and problem solving is often compromised. Parents need to look out for signs of depression in their children and seek for assistance to deal with theirs in case it occurs. Some common indicators of depression in children include a decline in academic performance, withdrawal from both family and friends, being easily agitated, low concentration levels, losing interest in activities they used to enjoy before the divorce, sadness, fatigue, sleeplessness, crying and hopelessness (McGhee 7). Watching a child go into depression can be devastating for the child. Children should be allowed to let in the sadness instead of trying to convince them that the situation is not as bad as it makes them feel. Children might try to solve their parent’s marital problems by becoming undisciplined so that their parents have a common goal (McGhee 17). Children need to understand that divorce is a problem that involves grownups, and there is not much that they can do about the situation (McGhee 11). Parents can, however, assure their children of their love despite the ongoing situation. Listening to the child is sufficient and allows the child to build their self-esteem (McGhee 14). Parents can do this by being emotionally present for their children during such times. Children should explain the situation to the children and address the problem without turning the children against the other parent (McGhee 18). Children also need to understand that the divorce is not their fault. Both parents can make the situation less difficult for their children by continuing to practice their parental roles through co-parenting.
Article; co-parenting
Co-parenting is a typical scenario for most families which are faced by divorce. 25 to 30 percent of divorced families have a cooperative co-parenting relationship which involves flexibility, joint planning, and sufficient communication. Both co-parenting and parallel parenting have been proved to have a positive outcome in children (Kelly and Emery 357). Stressors for the divorce process is influenced by various factors which include nature of the initial separation, parental conflict, parental cooperation, partnering of parents, economic status, the adjustment of the parents and their individual resources and the unique characteristic of the child (Kelly and Emery 351). The initial separation of the parent is the most stressful and is further aggravated by the persistent conflict between the parents. The risks to children of divorced parents can be reduced by the competence of their custodial parent, parent-child relationships with their nonresidential parents, and the nature of the conflict between parents (Kelly and Emery 356). Children thrive well when the custodial parent adjusts properly, and receive timely parenting from their nonresidential parents. A diminished conflict between parents is also protective of the children of divorced parents. Parents need to focus on the problem at hand and not attack the other parent. Parents should focus on their well-being so that they can be in the right state of mind and body to assist their children. An illustration is often given of an emergency protocol in case of a crisis in mid-air. For a parent on boarding a plane with their child, their first instinct is to put the air mask on the child first. The appropriate procedure is for the parent to wear an air mask first. The logic of this protocol is that parents cannot assist the child, if they are not physically well. Parents can seek for professional assistance from therapists and help from family members as well as friends. Being around supportive people such as parents and other family members for emotional support is recommended. Divorce is an unpleasant situation but one which there are no guarantees that it can be avoided, and parents need to adjust to the situation when it occurs.
Co-argument
Achieving reduced rates of divorce to deal with the well-being of children in the United States is unrealistic. Even if policymakers managed to lower the rates of divorce, the number of children raised by single parents would remain significantly high. Divorce is not the sole contributing factor to single-parents. The answer to this question proves otherwise. The number of children born out of wedlock is still high. Programs that promote marital stability and reduce divorce rates, can therefore, not guarantee the well-being of children in the United States. Such policies can only be effective if they are reinforced by other factors which focus on economic well-being, easing stress experienced by children and strengthening the bond between parent-child relationships (Amato 90). Such programs will focus on educating divorced parents, balancing child support; increase the minimum wage and enabling nonresidential parents to spend more time with their children. For families where only one of the parents was working, the custodial parent should find employment. A child support plan should be agreed upon by both parents to ensure that the material needs of the child are well-taken care of. Most visitation plans are only drafted for formality purpose. What is the role of a visitation plan? A visitation plan should be designed to enable the child to spend quality time with both parents.
Refutation
Children are the innocent victims of divorce and should not be subjected to the disadvantages that follow a divorce. These children are faced with a certain level of sadness, loss, and anger towards themselves and others around them (Amato 90). Emotional support is most crucial for children in both two-parent families and single parent families. Children might feel like the divorce is their fault or there is more they could have done to prevent the divorce from happening. Listening to the child and confirming their fears gives the child a sense of self-confidence. It is the interpersonal relationships that carry the largest amount of weight. These can be relationships can be fostered though strong parent-child relationships, family cohesiveness and a stable post-divorce family structure.
Conclusion
In conclusion, children from divorced parents are disadvantaged when compared to their peers from two-parent families. Single parents need more support from the society through counselling programs for divorced parents and support groups. Two family relationships do not guarantee the well-being of children. Other factors to consider include the bond of parent-child relationships, parenting by both residential and non-residential parents, and the amount of time these parents spend with their children. The most important aspect for children is to ensure that they are offered emotional support, and their physical and emotional needs are protected at all costs.
Works cited
Amato, Paul R. "The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation." The Future of Children (2005): 75-96. <http://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ795852.pdf>.
Dreman, Solly. "The Influence of Divorce on Children." Journal of Divorce and Remarriage (2000): 41-71. <http://s3.amazonaws.com/academia.edu.documents/37086496/The_influence_of_divorce_on_children.pdf?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ56TQJRTWSMTNPEA&Expires=1469214104&Signature=e8wDZIPdOIzOUTHl5Q3c0%2BmVmFU%3D&response-content-disposition=inline%3B%20filename%3DThe_Infl>.
Everett, Craig, ed. Children of Divorce; Developmental and Clinical Issues. New York: Routledge, 2014. <https://books.google.co.ke/books?id=ihlIAwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=Children+of+Divorce%3B+Developmental+and+Clinical+Issues.&hl=en&sa=X&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=Children%20of%20Divorce%3B%20Developmental%20and%20Clinical%20Issues.&f=false>.
Jordan, Pauline H. "Individual Therapy With a Child of Divorced Parents." Journal of Clinical Psychology (2016): 430-433.
Kelly, Joan B and Robert E Emery. "Children’s Adjustment Following Divorce: Risk and Resilience Perspectives." Family Relations (2003): 352-362. Web. <https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Joan_Kelly/publication/227618429_Children's_Adjustment_Following_Divorce_Risk_and_Resilience_Perspectives/links/0fcfd513a1922765ae000000.pdf>.
McGhee, Christina. "Separation and Divorce; Helping Parents to Help Children." 2008. Resolution. Web. 23 July 2016. <http://www.resolution.org.uk/site_content_files/files/separating_and_divorce___helping_parents_help_children.pdf>.
