Growing up in an environment where love is shared between two parents’ everyday and where happiness is not a dream is something that children and a spouse can only dream of when one of the parents is abusive towards the other. It’s never good for anyone to be exposed to violence in a family situation. The abuser is not thinking or just doesn’t care of not only the physical abuse that is taking place but also the psychological affects it will have on the members of the family. There are of course short term affects but also long term affects that usually stay with people for the rest of their lives.
According to noted psychologist and author, Lenore Walker, there is a four step “cycle of abuse” that occurs in every abusive relationship. Step one is, “Tension Building”. In this step there is a breakdown of communication, the tensions build, the victim becomes fearful and feels the need to placate the abuser. Step two is the “Incident”. This is the verbal, emotional or physical abuse that takes place. There is anger, blaming and intimidation and it doesn’t stop until step three occurs. “Reconciliation” is when the abuser apologizes and makes excuses and blames the victim for what has just happened. Finally there is step four, “The Calm”. Here, the atmosphere is peaceful, there is no abuse taking place, and the couple falls into a “honeymoon phase”. (Lenore King) This phase is different for every couple but step one is sure to come.
The affects that take place on the victim are usually the same. Some of the short term affects include such things as physical and emotional injury, anxiety, depression, social isolation and an inability to work or study. All of these affects can be noticeable and are often hidden by the victim. Children also feel the affect of domestic violence even if they are not the ones being abused. Younger children can have regressed behaviors such as clinging and whining or can have trouble eating or sleeping. Older children usually have trouble concentrating, trouble at school, low marks, low self esteem, substance abuse and have a higher chance of dropping out of school.
Long term affects for a victim can include such things as also low self esteem, again physical or mental injury, lack of confidence, anxiety, depression and in extreme cases unemployment, poverty and homelessness. Post traumatic stress disorder is usually felt by both the victim and the children. Trust is also hard to find in someone who has suffered from domestic violence those who where supposed to show them how to believe only showed them how to blame. It too can be a hard cycle to break.
Victims who get to the point where they ask themselves should they stay or should they go, have a harder time with this question then one would think. Those who actually find in within themselves to leave an abusive relationship too can find themselves right back in a similar situation. People tend to define themselves as the “victim” tend to be attracted to this type of person and can never seem to get past this identity crisis. “I think it is part of life to encounter people who naturally interact through power and control dynamics. They may do this unconsciously or intentionally or both. You may spot the dynamics before you are too far entangled to ‘see the forest for the trees.’ And should this be the case, count your blessings as you have learned some important preliminary lessons about avoiding another abusive relationship.” (Dr. Jeanne King, PHD)
Domestic violence unfortunately will always be around as there are always those who find it necessary to belittle others to make themselves feel better about themselves. The only thing that a society can do is educate people that this is not accepted and encourage them to make a change, for a better live for themselves and their children before it is too late.
Works Cited:
Lenore Walker. The Battered Woman. United States. 1980
Dr. Jeanne King, PHD. Article- Abusive Relationships: Why Do You Get Into The Same Relationship Again and Again? United States, August 23, 2011
