Effects of Domestic Violence on families and Marriages
Domestic violence has got negative consequences to the victim, family and marriage. According to Kaspiew (43), it is evident that domestic violence leaves trauma in lives of the victims. Domestic violence has been established as one of the causes of divorce and family chaos. For instance, if one of the partners chooses to be abusive, the relationship loses its building units and the abused partner starts to tolerate the abuser. However, when the trauma is too much to take, the partner can choose to walk out of the marriage or to look for help from the friends. Sometimes, following the friends advice, the abused can choose to seek for divorce or separation and this result to breakage of marriage. Today there are programs which have been set to assist people on ways of overcoming domestic violence. Nevertheless, studies still indicates that women who are abused continue to live in abusive relationships for fear of taking action, and sometimes due to lack of informed choice.
Fanine Flagg wrote the book, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle stop Café in 1987. This book has brought together lives of different characters both in the past and present which are mostly in the two characters, Evelyn and Nanny. In this book the writer has also displayed the life of another character, Ruth. After marriage, Ruth was being abused by her husband and this was never acceptable by the society. The abuse that she went through affected people around her and especially her family and friends who really loved her. In fact as the book reveals, when the loved become aware that you are a victim of the domestic violence they react differently. In fact, it has been established that children exhibit the greatest reaction because of their strong emotional ties with the loved once as well as their vulnerability. For instance, Idgie made a decision to go and take Ruth away, after seeing her sufferings (Fennie, 33).
According to Department of Justice (56), domestic violence has got serious consequences to the family and the marriage. Take the example of Ruth in the book Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Green Café who had to separate with her husband Frank Benet. Here, violence creates fear in the family and this has been noted in many relationships within the state. In deed Fennie (51) has stated that children are more affected by domestic violence. This is further demonstrated by Kaspiew (27) who pointed out the way domestic violence affects families both emotionally and physically. Children who have been physically and emotionally abuse display aggressive behaviors and they have got low self esteem with little desire to pursue life successes. Young people and children require growing in a nurturing and secure environment for their optimal growth. However, it is evident that a home with family violence is not a safe place for the children and young people since they are afraid of what might happen to those people who love them and also afraid of their own safety (United States National Library of Medicine, 33)
The tragic fact is that anytime a woman is abused by the husband or partner, it tends to affect the children so much in both subtle and overt ways. Whatever tends to harm the mother also harms the children. At some points the children feel guilty when their mother is hurt since they cannot protect her and some may even feel that they are the cause of the act. While the mother tries to deal with the trauma, the children feel neglected or abused as well. It is said that the rate of child abuse is sometimes higher in certain families where the mother is abused frequently. Children who stay at homes where there is domestic violence may grow up knowing that it is okay to hurt others or to also allow other people to hurt them (Richard, 40).
Domestic violence should be treated as a crime. We should fight the values of the society which reinforce the stereotypes that make men behave aggressively. In addition we should not use any violence in solving problems in the family. Furthermore, women are very weak gender who should not be sprawled by men simply because of the masculinity and the desire to assert dominance. In fact this has been noted by Fannie (63) when the women felt that Ruth’s husband was too much and they took matters on their own hands to solve the problem. Additionally, domestic violence is a crime and an offense which shouldn’t be let go without police knowledge. Parents should therefore teach their children the non-violent resolution of conflicts at an early age. Love is replaced by fear, instability and confusion in homes where domestic violence reigns. Those women who are buttered by their husbands suffer mental problems and physical problems as well as a consequence of domestic violence. The single major reason for injury in women is battering and it’s more significant than muggings, rape and accidents.
Women who are subjected to domestic violence are also at a risk of losing their jobs due to the many cases where they end up absent as a result of the violence. In order to avoid violence battered women move so many times and this is costly thus interfering with their employment continuity. The women at some point end up losing their friends and family members and this in most cases is due to the batterer who keeps them away from their loved ones. In order to avoid the embarrassment being inflicted from them, the battered women isolate themselves from the supporting persons. Some women who are battered are also abandoned by the church and various groups while they separate from those who abuse them since some churches do not encourage divorce or separation. This clearly shows some form of societal discrimination for those victims who are facing domestic violence. The society instead should show concern and care towards them instead of such acts in the name of religion.
Those who cause harm especially husbands also tend to face the consequences of their actions. Take for example Frank Bennett the husband of Ruth. After his wife left him due to domestic violence he was frustrated and missed his son. At some point he decided to go and steal the boy and this is how he met his death. Those people who cared about Ruth so much felt that it is their duty to protect the mother and the child and without second thoughts they ended up killing Frank without the knowledge of the wife. This clearly shows how the author tries to show the various ways through which violence can affect a circle of people around the victims. Ruth’s family was highly affected, the husband, the friends, the son and the husband as well.
Many women who are battered undergo financial security during the divorce process in order to avoid more abuse after. They get more impoverished as a result as they continue growing old. Those children who are a witness of their mothers battering grow with behaviors such as disruption in sleep, stuttering, psychosomatic disorders and problems in school. Their school performance is highly affected and at some point these kids may drop out of school and engage in crimes. As adults, the boys who witness the behaviors of their fathers may also end up inflicting serious violence. It is evident that those girls who witness maternal abuse are more likely to bear with abuse when adults compared to those who never experienced the act.
Different Types of Domestic Violence
There are a variety of abusive and coercive behaviors that batterers use against their victims. Most of these behaviors which are abusive result to physical injuries towards the victims. Emotional abuse is also another type of domestic violence used by the batterers towards their victims for example that of Fred Bennett who used physical violence against his wife in the book written by Fennie Flagg. In most cases these behaviors whether physical always damage the victims psychologically. Some batterers use different techniques at different times to abuse their victims. The batterers can inflict power and control towards their partners with just a single incident of violence which is then strengthened and reinforced by coercive and non-physical behaviors. Below we discuss various forms of domestic violence linked with the book Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Green Café.
Physical Abuse
Ruth was a victim of physical violence and yet she was willing to stand the ground and protect her marriage. This clearly shows that an incidence of physical violence can create a lot of fear to the victim to an extent of fearing even leaving her husband. When domestic violence is mentioned most people refer to physical abuse of either an intimate partner or a spouse. However, when we talk of physical abuse, it’s an act where physical force is used against someone in a style that normally endangers and injures the person. Physical abuse is regarded as a crime whether inside or outside the family. Therefore it is upon the police to practice their power and authority to protect individuals from such acts. According to Toni (29), physically abused victims are injured during the act, but usually they pretend and make up lies to cover for the bruise or injury. Furthermore, they miss work severally without giving explanations and they dress in a way that the injury or bruise is covered.
Sexual Abuse
Although the book does not indicate directly anywhere that Ruth was sexually abused, at many points the behaviors of abuse tend to go along. Many women suffer both physical and sexual abuse from their husbands and yet they carry the burden alone which ends up turning to psychological issues. Sexual abuse is any situation whereby an individual is forced to participate unsafe and unwanted. The victims feel degraded and it is a form of sexual abuse. Whether by an intimate partner or a spouse, forced sex is a crime and it’s recognized as an aggression act or an act of violence. In most cases according to research, those people who are abused sexually or physically by their partners face a high risk of being killed.
Emotional Abuse
Marylee and Broyles (57) have indicated that most people believe that domestic violence only occurs when people are physically abused and injured. However, not all abusive relationships involve violence. According to Fannie (19), Ruth’s friends went to pick the boy because Frank wasn’t indicted. This implies that the friends realized the need to pick the boy since he was emotionally abused. Many people suffer from abuse emotionally which is no less destructive. Emotional abuse at some point is overlooked by even the victims being abused like the case in relationships where one partner earns more than the other. (Tamm, 30)
Therefore, as researched by Richard (76), the key aim of emotional is to take away your self esteem and independence. This makes the abused to believe that they can’t do with the partner which shouldn’t be the case since everybody can be independent. In fact Richard (79) has also revealed that emotional abuse can be described as verbal abuse in form of blames, shaming, yelling and also name calling. Further studies have also indicated that controlling individuals, isolation and intimidation are forms of emotional abuse inflicted on victims. Those people who use emotional abuse on their victims sometimes give threats of physical violence; in this case they make the victims to do as they want. Therefore, contrary to people’s thinking, emotional violence is worse than physical violence. The scars that follow emotional abuse are very real and they leave many women unmarried for a long time or never at all. This is best shown in the book in where Ruth remained unmarried, additionally; many musicians who have been abused have opted not to marry for the second time. Therefore, emotional abuse can be more damaging just as physical abuse or far worse.
Tactics Abusers use to Manipulate their Victims
According to United States National Library of Medicine (17), dominance is the greatest tool the abuser use. Just like frank, and in many relationships across the globe, they use dominance to make them feel in charge and in control. Many male abusers often make decisions which they do not want to be questioned. And this is the same trend that Frank employed in their marriage. He felt in charge and made her wife a servant and his boy a slave. Usually, the abusers goes extra miles and even humiliate their victims. Mostly, men use this tactic because they think they are more masculine and hardly can they be challenged with their wives. They always do whatever they can to make women feel bad. They do these things without considering the consequences they cause in the marriage. This worked well for frank until Ruth’s friend intervene. Many men who abuse usually isolate their victims and abuse them without the knowledge of the outside world. This is a ploy that men have used over time and in so many occasions it has worked for them. They do this to ensure that their partners are kept away from their families and close friends so that the environment become conducive for them to abuse their partners.
In conclusion, as discussed above, domestic violence has got negative consequences to the victim, family and marriage. Indeed it has increased leaving trauma and fear in those who experience it particularly to women and children. Physical violence directed towards women leave them very stressed and disturbed. In fact it also leaves them with bruises and injuries that they have to nurse over time. Sometimes the physical abuse can be too brutal that the abused might bleed to death. In addition, the memories that result from abusive scenes are bad and hard to think about, leading to emotional torture. Emotional abuse can therefore result due to emotional disturbance following periods of physical abuse as was observed with the Ruth’s son. The end results of consistent abuse are breakages in marriage through separation and divorce. Domestic violence creates fear, anxiety and disturbance among children affecting their self esteem and future lives. Most of the children may start performing poorly at schools; inflict abuse on others or even on themselves since they grow knowing that things should be like that (Belgund, 30). Today there are many programs that have been put in place to prevent domestic violence. For these programs to work well, it is up to an individual to inform the police of any cases of abusive relationship. It is also an individual’s responsibility to take the necessary steps that are important in solving the cases of abuse. This implies that people must be educated enough to know techniques that the abuser can use.
Work Cited
Beglund, Jeff. “American Exploration of Colonialism, Race Sexuality and Abuse”. London:
University of Wisconsin. 2006.
Department of Justice (Vic). Measuring Family Violence in Victoria: Victorian Family Violence Database: Nine Year Trend Analysis. 2008. Vol 4, 37, 70.
Fannie, Fennie, 66. “Fried Green Tomatoes”. United Sates: Random House, 1987.
Kaspiew, Robert, et al,. “Evaluation of the 2006 Family Law Reforms”. Report, Australian Institute of Family Studies. 2006.
Marylee, Floric and Broyles, Mathew. “Sexual Abuse”. New York: Rosen Publishing Group.
Richard, Davis. Domestic Violence: Facts and Fallacies. New York: Green Woods Publishing
Group. 1998.
Tamm, Loring. “Emotional Abuse: The Trauma and the Treatment”. Toronto: Wiley Inc. 1998.
Toni, Johnson. “Sexual, Physical and Emotional Abuse in and Out of Home Care”. New York:
Routledge, 1997.
U.S National Library of Medicine.” Domestic Violence”. n.d. 2012. 22 October 2012
