Volume 1, Issue 4July 2012
Negotiating
Negotiating or problem solving is a good way of resolving conflicts, especially when the relationship is very important to you. It ensures that both you and the other person get to achieve your goals and keep the high quality of your relationship. Coming up with a mutual agreement ensures that both you and the other person benefit and that any tension or negative feeling is resolved.
You and the other person should then strive to arrive at a solution that gives the both of you what you want and that allows you to keep the relationship positive.
How to Effectively Negotiate to Solve a Problem
1. Describe what you want. Describe what you want in an appropriate and honest manner that is respectful of you and the other person. This allows the both of you to come up with a common definition of the conflict where you both see it as a mutual problem that is small and specific.
Make personal statements that use me, mine, and I.
Specifically describe your goals, needs, and wants, and provide a basis for their
legitimacy.
Describe how the other person’s actions and goals partly cause the problem and how
their behavior is blocking what you want. However, be sure to separate the behavior
Focus on maintaining a cooperative relationship with the other person for the long-term.
You can do this by discussing how the relationship can
be improved.
Carefully listen to what the other person wants.
2. Describe your feelings. You must share your reactions and feelings if you want the conflict to be resolved. Not openly recognizing and expressing them can lead to unstable agreements. In addition, you must listen to the other person’s feelings and let them know that you understand them.
3. Exchange reasons for positions. Keep the following in mind when exchanging the reasons for your positions:
Put emphasis on the long-term cooperative relationship. This allows the other person to be less defensive and allows them to see you as trustworthy and understanding.
Present your reasons and also listen to the other person’s reasons. This allows the other person to know why you want what you want or why you feel the way you do. It will also help you persuade the other person to agree with you.
Focus on interests and wants and not on positions. It is possible that you and the other person want the same thing but have different underlying interests in it. By knowing what the other person really wants, you may be able to come up with a solution that will enable the both of you to get what you want.
Clarify the differences between your and the other person’s interests before arriving at an agreement. It is important to understand what the disagreement is about in order for you to come up with a solution that’s satisfactory for the both of you. You can ask what the differences between your and the other person’s goals and wants are; what their similarities are; and what actions of the other person you find unacceptable and vice versa.
Empower the other person. Be open to negotiations, be flexible about your most preferred option, and come up with various possible solutions before you make a decision.
4. Understand the other person’s perspective. Understand how the other person perceives the situation by realistically assessing your common and opposed interests; by understanding how the other person sees the problem; and by assessing the relative merits and validity of all sides of the issue. You can do this by performing a perception check, by paraphrasing, and by understanding the other person’s wants and needs.
5. Create options for mutual gain. Identify a number of possible agreements. The first reasonable solution that you come up with won’t necessarily be the best so try to come up with three good alternative solutions before you make a decision.
6. Reach a constructive agreement. A constructive agreement is based on principles and is fair to everyone involved. It strengthens the relationship of the participants, as well as their ability to cooperatively work together. It improves their ability to resolve future conflicts in a constructive manner and benefits the entire community.
When you fail to negotiate an agreement that is wise, you should start over. You can achieve success only by trying and trying again. Despite the differences in the two opposing views, a wise and viable decision will eventually emerge if you keep talking and if you persist with the discussion.
However, you should also know how to say no with regards to issues that are non-negotiable. These are issues that require you to do something unethical and illegal. You can always say no in negotiations even without a clear reason. When you think that someone is manipulating you instead of helping you solve a problem, you should neither negotiate nor make an agreement.
References
Jimenez, C. (2012, February 7). 19 inspirational quotes on the art of negotiation. Retrieved from
http://agbeat.com/entrepreneur/19-inspirational-quotes-on-the-art-of-negotiation/
Johnson, D. W., (2009). Reaching Out (10th ed.). Allyn & Bacon.
