Introduction
It is obvious that our culture today is filled with victim mentality. This is a clear reflection of our society’s reality where it is easier for people to blame others because of their unhappy existence and situations (Morin, 2011). People lack the power to influence changes in their lives due to the perception that their lives element are far out of control. In most cases they tend to ask themselves, ‘why do bad things keep happening to me?’ These are habits that we find in so many people around us and at times we find ourselves in this situation. The people who are so much into the habit always seem to be having an excuse for those things which are not working in their life. However, this is an uncalled prevailing situation. It is important that the people focus on themselves through an introspective approach because the situation in society happens because of the actions and perceptions of personal individual’s .Individual’s life and that of the society at large can be improved by people changing internal factors
Internal Factors
We lack control over our external factors however we have total control over our internal factors. Our internal factors are created from our own reactions to our life’s event. We therefore contain the power to change these reactions wince they happen within us. It is obvious that people find it easy to blame others for their existence and this is because they look at the external factors rather than putting more focus from within when communicating and analyzing difficult situations (Ratliffe et al, 2002). Generally, the individuals who live in victimhood have the habit of considering themselves as the victims of certain circumstances. This is a bad and serious mentality that leads them to blame the external or uncontrollable factors all the time instead of focusing on internal or controllable factors put one in a mindset that there is nothing that an individual cannot control in our lives. As psychologists say, it is all in the mind. How you set your mind is how you intend to believe and behave .Victim mentality makes people lose focus and in most cases most of them become desperate and frustrated individuals who lack the direction of life. As a result of victim mentality, people tend to lack objectivity since what they see and report is whatever they have created through their thoughts and beliefs. This is all a matter of how their minds communicate. Due to victim mentality a lot of people make the mistake of looking for external or uncontrollable factors as a way of trying to fix their bad moods and bad situations (Zahavi, 1999). Their mind therefore lacks proper and direct communication from within and acquires the tendency of trying to virtually change everything that surrounds them as they seek to feel better. However, focusing on external factors ultimately makes them realize that still, they will feel the same and significantly nothing changes.
Examples of Victimhood in America
It is said that in America, more than 50 Million individuals are not happy with their life and they tend to put a blame on the external factors for their existence without realizing that it is a choice to be happy. Some of the examples are:
According to Wall Street Journal, more than fifty percent of people in America blame President Obama for the economic crisis of the nation such as the unemployment rates, rising levels of poverty, income and falling home values. Another article however claims that it is the former President Bush who is to blame for these problems and not Obama. This is a set of thinking that people are creating in their mind without the reasoning that still they have contributed to these factors of economy. However, due to their focus on the external factors people have reported an increase in depression, stress and anxiety. It is important for these people to realize that the inner communication or self communication is very essential before coming to any conclusion. The mind should always consider the probabilities and comparisons before blaming other people for what is happening around us. If only people can understand and put it into their minds that they contribute to building their nation’s economy, then they would blame the external factors less and concentrate more on the internal factors so as to work together and rise their economy.
Another good example is people blaming the social media network on their emotional problems. It is evident among our society that social media is highly blamed for rise in divorce and separation. According to various studies, social media network is the major tool for spouses who are cheating thus leading to divorce. Another study stated that social media networks have created new routes for people by making it easier for one to cheat on their partners. As social media is being blamed for enhancing divorces fast food companies are being blamed for raising the cases of obesity rates in America. It is so non logical to blame fast food companies on rise of obesity easily forgetting to blame yourself for consuming healthy foods. It is obvious that everything that goes wrong in this world has someone or something to put blame on. In real sense blaming a fast food company for rise in obesity is not ethical. It is our inner sense and our habits that make us eat these foods. People forget that it is them who buy these foods out of their choice and end up consuming them and yet they know the consequences very clearly. However, since we cannot focus more on making changes ourselves we look for someone to blame and yet we brought the problems by ourselves.
People have a very hard time to take responsibility for themselves, their actions, decisions and mistakes. Being a victim requires a giving up of most if not all personal responsibility. We let circumstances and people in our lives dictate our feelings and who we will turn out to be by allowing ourselves to become victims. No matter how hard it is, nobody and nothing will make others feel what they do not want to feel. It is good to think about it for a moment and see that each individual is capable of responding to much greater degrees that expected. True responsibility can be redefined to mean your ability to respond, fully capable to respond powerfully to the occurrences of your life. Because you are the only one able to choose your feelings and your responses to what is happening right now. We have all heard people say, "You make me mad." Or, "Don't make me feel guilty." But the truth is that no one can make us feel something – good or bad – unless we allow them to. Thus, it is time for one to re examine their self-concept which is to examine the internal factors that shape your self-concept.
Internal Factors to Facilitate Effective Communication
Internal Dialogue: It is possible to have a continuous conversation with yourself which should include everything that’s happens to you. Internal dialogue is said to be constant and that it happens in real time thus leading to a psychological change. Every thought triggers a certain physical reaction. Real time is mostly at the rate of time at which you are about to utter the words out aloud. Internal dialogue is a means of communications that helps an individual to carefully choose their words before uttering them and this also prevents certain dangerous physical reactions which might not be ethical. Effective communication is very important in our daily lives and in most cases it determines the reactions of those being communicated to. It is therefore important to practice internal dialogue amongst inner self in order to best of conversations and judgments. This kind of internal assessment also helps us to take our responsibility and avoid the blame game.
Labeling: It is the habit of human beings to organize things into different categories. It is evident that humans at some point categorize other humans by labeling them into subgroups, groups, functions and classes. As humans we also tend to categorize ourselves and label ourselves though at some point we may lack the knowledge of what we are doing.
Tapes: Tapes are known to be devices that record and keep information for a long period of time. Tapes in our day to day living are said to be those beliefs that have been ingrained in our minds so deeply that they play in our minds thus influencing our behaviors without us being aware of it. Tapes are said to contain contexts unlike the labels. Tapes are said to be more dangerous and more self defeating since they are claimed to have the power to set you up for a certain outcome
Fixed and Limiting Beliefs: Fixed beliefs are said to be those beliefs that we do hold concerning ourselves, life’s circumstances and others. These beliefs must have been repeated for a long time and thus becoming ingrained in our minds thus becoming difficult to change. Limiting beliefs are those beliefs that we have regarding ourselves that limit what we achieve and reach for. These beliefs lead to blockage of positive information while they confirm any new information which is negative.
It is therefore evident that only us can make changes in our lives and avoid blaming other people. There are many different paths back to ourselves and each one of us know the right path. It is obvious that to make personal changes you will face a lot of resistance and you can only do this on your own. It is therefore advisory for you as an individual to turn your back on the truth and continue living in struggle. To change the habit of victim mentality you will have to face a lot of challenges which some say to be a rabbit hole of a journey. It is therefore very important to remember that at all times you are who you want to be. Putting in mind that you are not some obscure randomness construct is significant since it helps you realize that despite everything you are who you want to be.
Ineffective Communication Patterns
Serial Blamer: These are people who refuse responsibility and thus blame other people or party instead of blaming themselves. They let it turn out to be a habit and never at any time will they take responsibility of their actions or problems. They develop the skills of self pity,
Failure to Accept Responsibility: This is an individual who will do anything to get away from their personal responsibility for any position in their lives. The symptoms of these include frustration, lying, stress and depression.
Rationalization: Ineffective communication leads a victim to creatively draw ideas from different circumstances in order to lender blame to the external factors. The victims use all the energy creatively for the construction of a proper prison for themselves.
Feeling Helpless: It is evident that whenever you get used to saying something all the time it will get to a point where you come to believe it. In most cases the victims will start believing in their fairytale dreams that have been designed in their minds so as to stay safe from their own accountability. In some extent this results in intense feelings of isolation and helplessness. This will then turn to self pity
Self Pity: When we blame ourselves most we tend to feel that nobody cares and this is normally stuck into our minds. At this point the victims start pitying themselves since they feel like they are alone in this world. This very negative way of communication and it leads the victim into acquiring bad and dangerous habits which can result to suicide. The rationalize and the serial blamer at this point start enclosing themselves with self pity by continuously creating the forces of antagonism that end up stripping away choice. They then end up living in their past.
Living in the Past: It is believed that for a failure to agree to responsibility is the same as the failure agreeing to things as they appear in the present. Therefore, victims et this point end up seeking solemn in their past thinking that things will be more easier as they were then or in other words start blaming the past for the current environment state. At this point the victim tends to focus more on their problems.
Focus on the Problem: When the victims focus on their problems they occupy themselves with more issues and in most cases they are found to complain at any chance they gat. It is said that the victims are in love with validation and attention and worships any opportunities they get to make complains regarding their problems. In most cases at this point they up up saying what if’s and if only.
If only/What If: It is true that this is the victim’s mentality sure sign. At this point the victims support regrets completely and does not accept anything. At this point they end up condemning themselves.
Condemning Themselves: The victim at this point realizes then that there are many forces which are against him and only wishes that things were easier. They then categorize themselves on how useless they are and pity themselves continuously. Also the victim wishes that these were the old days when things were more different than now.
Self Separation: After condemning themselves the victims separate themselves from all the things that go nearest to responsibility and this clearly means that they are completely separate from the solution. At this stage they become perfect playing the waiting game just as they are perfect in the blame game.Conclusion
It is evident according to the paper that proper and effective communication starts from self. In order for an individual to communicate effectively and efficiently with each other one should communicate effectively with one self. People who are in self thinking are thus required to get a sense of self-awareness which will enhance their ability in effective communication. Self awareness gives individuals an ability to take introspective approach when communicating with others. Blaming others and oneself and lacking to take responsibility of your own actions is an act that shows clearly the signs of victim mentality. It is therefore important for us to recognize that effective communication starts with the realization of taking responsibility of our actions and finding a solution for it but not trying to run from the responsibility. Victim mentality leads us to self pity and self separation and these are traits that are associated with stress and depression. It is important to understand that it is within us that we can make effective changes in our lives by developing inner communication skills. Effective inner communication helps us to be careful of what we are about to say and helps us also create a good relationship with others.
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