The evening started with the three of us sitting on a soft leather couch that had two domesticate plants breathing out an exotic fragrance. The candles set upon the table creating warmth on our faces with an equally soothing light. Three cups of coffee reflected those lights quietly. I looked over at my friends; one of them who had been my best friend for nearly six years and next to her sat her boyfriend. At the time I thought I was among friends, but the “joke” was on me.
Her boyfriend was a little bit choppy and obviously stronger and taller than me. His mustache went from his chin up close to his ears. Overall he seemed to be the type of guy who seemed to lead a fairly honest life. His clothes were extremely clean and white with very neat pants. He presented himself to be a decent guy by appearances.
All of us were enjoying this quiet and peaceful moment relaxing with our coffee and candle light. My best friend’s boyfriend decided to get really comfortable by taking off his shoes and lying on the couch.
My friend, Chou, drank some coffee before showing me how much she really liked this guy and wanted to prove to me how good they were together. It made me happy to see my best friend finally find a guy who cared for her as much as she did him. All the kissing and smiling they did towards each other made me think they were meant to be together forever.
The joke was that even though the evening sounded like it was an enjoyable night with my best friend and her boyfriend would turn out to be one of the worst memories of my entire life. Everything was peaceful and beautiful before he decided to make a “joke.” However, it was not funny at all.
Throughout my life many people have asked me about being gay. Many of these people were supportive and gave me lots of encouragement. Many of these people were very understanding and let me know that they knew life was probably challenging to be part of a unique minority. However, my friend’s boyfriend was an exception.
I could not remember exactly how the conversation started and did not want to remember the details of that unfortunate nighty so clearly. What I do recall is he started out by asking me what it felt like to be gay. From that point he then started making a lot of jokes about homosexuality. One particular “joke” was extremely offensive and not funny at all. I hoped it was a joke, but the warm lights on his face showed me that he was not kidding.
“Come lick my feet,” he said, while lifting up his feet towards me.
“Come lick my feet!” He repeated it to me while sticking out his big toe on his foot that was aimed in my direction. I assumed it was a joke and looked over at my friend Chou, but she continued smiling at him affectionately as if she approved of his behavior. I kept staring at her waiting for her to have some proper response, which did not happen. Then he started it again.
“Come lick my feet. Look how beautiful my foot is,” he laughed as he said that to me.
Thank god he was narcissistic so I could come back with the response that I had.
“Hell no! Your feet are not good looking at all, and I am not going to lick your feet, ask your girlfriend, she is sitting right here,” I said.
“I thought queens like you have some special talent and taste for these things,” he looked at her while continuing to wiggle his big toe. “She doesn’t have the same talent.”
It was shocking to see that Chou still did nothing but smile making me think she approved of what he was saying. An odd smell was lurking in this room that clearly was not the smell coming from the house plants.
“You did not just call me a queen, and it is not funny!” My response was much more serious and I hoped that he realized how inappropriate he was in the language he used with me and the unacceptable behavior. I stopped smiling so they could see that I was not happy with this treatment, but he clearly did not get the hint.
“Are you kidding me? Are you angry now? Come on, it was just a joke. Why can’t you stand it?” He laughed even louder indicating he was really happy about the way he was making me feel. “By special taste I mean things that happen between a guy and a guy, just like you prefer,” he said this as he continued to make a sickening up and down motion with his big toe. I was in such shock that I was not smart enough in that moment in knowing how to respond to his offensive behavior and comments. After an awkward bit of silence, Chou finally broke it up by saying, “I am hungry let’s get out of here.”
We left like nothing happened, and I wondered if I am the only one who remembers the horrible night. We went out to the coffee bar as the night screen has hung down, street lights were lit, cars drove back and forth, as did the pedestrians. I left without having dinner with them. I left with a “joke.”
It has been five years since I last time I saw them. For a long time it bothered me so much and I kept wishing I had a smart response to his insulting “joke.” What I wish I would have told him was that he was the joke. I wished I had been stronger and fought back. What I finally have come to realize is that anyone who is going to treat me that way or let me be treated that way is not worthy of my friendship.
I had seen many shows talking about racisms and unfair treatment or harassment towards minority groups. I did not realize that real life could actually be this way until Chou’s boyfriend “joked” with me about being gay. Real life can often lack justice and be cruel to people like me who are supposed to allow jokes without becoming upset.
I know I belong to a minority group, but Chou and her boyfriend somehow do as well. There are a lot of things that exist in the world that are not reasonable or acceptable regardless of who is or is not a minority. Real life is complex and could be hard like a joke that is not always funny. What I learned from his joke is that minorities may get unjust judgment with unfair treatment, but all I must believe there are still people out there with their kindness and tolerance in their heart who see every individual as an equal.
