As a precursor to a successful relationship, Dr. Joy Browne makes a tremendous effort to analyze the values of effective dating taking into account the various elements that define a true relationship. The book, under the subject matter of family and relationships, is a guide to understanding the true value of oneself and establishing a lasting relationship with the opposite sex. From the outset of the book, Browne acknowledges that dating can be very intimidating. The author demystifies the process taking turns from the first instance of getting a date, initiating a great time, elevating past a date, having a safe mentality to relationships and the manner that sex affects the presence of a relationship that is about to bud. The following topics are dominant in the book.
The first part is a column in building the image of the self. This part aims at inculcating the values that mold a personality and defines the confidence of a person. Browne also notes the means of polishing the social personality of a person. Secondly, the defined person has to make a choice on whether to go for a date or not. The decision to go on a date is very tricky because it determines the success of the date. Here, Browne takes the reader on knowing when to go for a date through successful appraisals and evaluations. Upon making a decision to initiate a date, the next section of the book entails a systematic process of meeting and approaching the new person. She describes this person as Mr. and Ms Intriguing and explains the intrigues that determine the new person one just meets. After approaching the new person whom one fancies, the next approach dwells on determining the places to go in order to know each other. On such occasions, the book dwells on places that one can go, what one can put on during such occasions, and the don’t do checklists. During the meeting, the focus according to Browne should never dwell on certain topics like sex, politics, religion, or even ones former lover. The next chapter revolves on the intrigues of etiquette. On this topic, there are certain rules of good manners that Dr. Browne believes the two players should observe.
Ideally, the book is an opportunity to extract a worksheet for relationship evaluation and getting the right direction for a date. The blend of various aspects of presentation with certain dashes of humor extracts a meaningful source of wisdom and confidence in dating, a needed recipe for many people today.
In the dating field, certain expectations emerge in the gender balance. On one occasion of online dating experiences, the cases lie on each sex creating lies at the first instance online (Barbara, P.D23). The women are known to have a tendency to lie about their age and their personal attributes that are physical. On the side of the man, the men tend to want to look good. They portray an image of success in their voice, career, and personal life that is too endearing to the opposite sex. In whatever angle one chooses, the ideal is not to always tell great lies that will create a rift when you finally get to meet.
Nevertheless, certain assumptions become necessary in the dating field. According to Morris (p. 76), the process of dating contains commonalities that each gender ought to consider. These are the basics of dating with confidence. In line with the process is a range of square breathings that become necessary to avert the nerve wreck phenomenon. Additionally, certain affirmations are providential in calming the inner storm. Helen Keller acknowledges that dating is not just a boring procedure that does not jolt one to happiness (Browne, 156). She asserts that the dating exercise must be daring and adventurous unless one has no intention of winning.
The belief that most women are after the purse is a misconception that ruins first date. Men often have a misconstrued idea of the realities of women running after their purse. While this may be the truth, the orientation one gives to each date is vital I portraying the image of the self. According to Browne, decisions on “Places to go,” and “what to do” on such occasions are vital in determining the essence of an ideal dating experience. Additionally, before embarking on dating experiences, one needs to have stable sources of living and adequate number of friends on the loop. These elements are necessary to create a living stone value of the date.
In retrospection, certain male conceptions and demands for a successful woman with a level income capacity is out of the question for many people. The search for a multitalented and income generating women is now becoming a demystified notion. The idea of Dr. Browne is centered on striking a romantic relationship that lasts. The doctor assumes that the search for Mr. or Mrs. Right may have to emerge from both genders if the relationship is to be successful (Browne, 120). During an interview with an online radio station, the doctor asserted that no gender should read her book with preconceived ideas. She asserts that the book dwells on both sexes and everyone has an obligation to view the book and apply them tenets in appropriation. In whatever circumstance, care should emerge to determine the nature of the relationship as soon as it emerges. Most men or even women may determine the type of friendship they want after the first date. A touch for women out there dwells on their nature with the sex orientation. Most women take the sex issue as a sign of maturity and outright charm to keep the opposite gender interested. A misconception for many men about such types of girls revolves around their sexual liaisons. They see the girl as an obvious tool for sex.
Additionally, being the nice girl to the men may cause one to fall into a different category during the dating process. When the girl gets very warm and nice with the men, the men tends to have a systemic manner of shelving such girls to the friends’ zone because they are warm and nice to everybody (Morris, 143). Moreover, certain women act in unattainable fashion with the men so that they set their standards for the relationship. While setting standards is a good start, the book recommends that certain principles that define womanhood or manhood are paramount. Ideally, when dating, always be you and strive to keep the relationship ablaze.
Also in the fourth chapter, certain elements create friction in one’s life. While many date doctors like think statistical analyses and parental affairs are not vital in the dating process, the book refers you to certain elements and blocks in your life, that may hinder effective association with your date. In essence, an individual should extract certain understandings on how the parents affect dating decisions. In this section, it becomes apparent that the parents may at times affect the decisions of partners in affairs. Such affectionate ideals may ruin the presupposed happy relationship that one endears to have. Secondly, the statistical patterns of one’s previous affairs are critical. In determining the extent of compatibility, a person may want to study their past dating experiences and establish the weak points and strengths of each. From the data provided, one may establish certain points that may influence positively on the new dating experience. Ideally, man or woman will find it more fulfilling and refreshing to realize that certain ideals of the day are crucial in making the move. This is relevant in Adams (p. 58) who claims that in every situation, humanity is constantly learning from past mistakes and successes. What one did wrong the other time, they would like to do better. Thorndike asserts this statement in his trial and error method taking into account the ability of humankind to make errors in the process of achieving success (Guerrero & Affifi, 134).
On the issue of sexual attachment at the first date, the marker is very clear. Not that everybody has the same ending but the concept of having sex on the first date sends different signals to different people. On the women, they may take the opportunity to get closer to the man. On the man, a girl who agrees to a sex on the first date has a weak stamina and is likely to have the same with many others. The book therefore advises that the girls who are the main victims should try to desist from any sexual closeness at the first date.
In conclusion, the art of dating is as confusing to may as the many other world complexities. The work of Dr. Joy Browne and other authors is to make the process agreeable and friendly to many people who find themselves in a tight spot. Such spots are likely to cause them to make a mess of themselves and deny their happiness. As is predetermined, the first step has always fallen on creating a finding a better you. A confident personality is a conquering personality. Apart from the person, the rules are clear and open. Anyone can apply the rules. The process requires a variety of goals and open-minded objectives for both the girl and the boy. Advices on the Dos and Don’t count less to one who makes a wrong move when meeting a person. The confidence and the impression must always match. The stereotypes and gender expectations are also great part of the book so that as a girl one knows the various elements that determine the actuality of their true self. While certain stereotypes are leading, others are misleading and according to Dr. Browne, the confidence in oneself is vital to move great things. Perhaps, it is time to cast away the doubts and get the dream lover of our lives.
Reference
Barbara Graustark. "On Air Psychologists: Healers or Exploiters?" New York Times, 9 August 1981, p. D23
Browne, Dr J. Dating for Dummies®. Hoboken: John Wiley & Sons, 2006. Internet resource.
Cash, Adam. Psychology for Dummies. Chichester, West Sussex: Wiley, 2012. Print.
Guerrero, Laura K, Peter A. Andersen, and Walid A. Afifi. Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships. Los Angeles, Calif: SAGE, 2011. Print.
Morris, Desmond. Intimate Behaviour. New York: Random House, 1972. Print.
