Essay On Hardships and Growth

Life is a journey that is marked with challenges, and obstacles, but one should strive overcoming them at whatever cost. We are born and raised in different environments; an aspect that defines and shapes our personality, behavior and identity in life. Based on the challenges one goes through in life, we tend to develop, and subscribe to certain philosophies, which define, and shape our thinking, and I am not an exemption. My past life was marked with numerous challenges because I was born, and raised by a single parent (mother) in my home country; Kenya. Life was hard because my mother was the sole breadwinner, and she could not get a decent and well paying job, educate, and provide basic needs for the family. High level of discrimination coupled with gender-based stereotypes denied my mother the chance of getting a decent and well paying job in the nearby town thus worsening our living situations. Sometimes, my siblings, and I slept without food for a few days, but my mother strived sustaining the family despite these challenges. Based on this fact, I held the view that my life was influenced by natural laws, and I could not change it, however hard I worked towards improving. In other words, I did not have the free will ideology because my life was governed by determinism philosophy.
Based on my recollection, I affirm that we spent many nights in the cold because my mother was unable to pay the house rent on time thus compelling the property owner to evict us from the house. However, my siblings and I never gave up, but we endured the suffering, and walked many kilometers to school every day, with the hope that we were destined to make it in life. Consequently, my mother remained strong, protected and care for the family despite the challenges she encountered daily. Based on her resilience, she provided my siblings and I with moral and material we needed in life; a move that shaped whom I am today. I did not have free will because I understood that I had to work extra hard in school, and hold onto my ambitions. In most cases, children that are born and raised in humble families tend to lose focus in life and indulge in deviate behaviors, but I was determined to overcome the challenges, and improve my future life. My siblings and I had to endure numerous challenges while Kenya, but I held onto my dream and ambition of relocating in United States; a dream that came true when I was issued with a travelling Visa. I cannot forget that particular day in my life because it was like my second rebirth. I can associate it with winning a lottery because I had applied for a visa for more than four years, but in vain. I do not wish to remember the suffering and pain I had to endure while applying for the travelling visa because it was a tedious, time consuming, and stressing exercise, but I did not give up. The problems my family had gone through gave me the courage, and determination to pursue and work towards my ambitions and dream of living in United States. The pressure I got from our neighbors; who anguished in poverty influenced my determination coupled with resilience in life to overcome the challenges and strive for achieving my life goal. Most of my age mates had lost hope in life as they indulged in deviate behaviors such as smoking, prostitution, robbery, and drug and substance abuse, to mention, but a few. Unlike my friends, I took the initiative of changing my family’s life because I believed that life was not going to change unless I acted as the change agent. Based on this fact, I had the reason to apply and wait for my visa for more than four years without losing hope, determination, and focus in life. I recall that most of the times, my sibling and I stayed late at night discussing issued related with United States, and imagining about those issues often; an affirmation that we all yearned for change in our family. This aspect also affirmed that my family was determined to relocate in United States as it had faced many challenges while in Kenya; a dream that came true a few years ago.
My mother had not made the choice of raising her family as a single parent, but she was compelled to do so after undergoing traumatic experiences in her marriage. She had married my father for more than fifteen years, but their marriage was faced with numerous challenges ranging from domestic violence, infidelity, and divorce to weak family bonds. Although my father had a decent job, he could not support his family adequately because he was a drunkard, cruel and violent man. We could not sleep when he got drunk because he kept torturing mother by beating, and abusing her. I cannot count the number of times; I had to wake up, and hear my father beating my mother; an idea that compelled me to hate him more. However, I felt useless because I could not have helped her because I was young, but I cried and prayed for God’s intervention. My siblings and I became used to this trend and wrangles because we did not have anywhere else we called home, but I kept praying for peace and harmony to prevail in the family, but in vain. With time, my father drinking habit worsened, and he became alcoholic and cruel than before. I recall that one day, my father came home drunk, and broke mother’s left hand using a wooden chair. We managed to take her to the nearby health care facility where she was treated and discharged, but I kept asking the question why my father had turned into an “animal.” Initially, I could not figure out the answer, but I later realized that they had engaged in a heated debate that morning where my mother had accused my father for infidelity; an idea that made him become agitated and furious. Although this may sound absurd, my mother was correct because my father was not a morally upright parent as he engaged in extra-marital affairs with other women. However, based on African values, and norms, children are not supposed to interfere with their parents affairs whatsoever, and I never questioned my mother about it.
I recall that I did not have a cordial and mutual relationship with my father because he hated me with a reason, but I could not establish the reason behind his predisposition. Whenever, he engaged in a fight with mother, he could hear him referring my name, and talking ill about me. One day I was left with him at home after my mother had run away from home for being beaten up by him the previous night. As a result of anger and hatred, he told me that I was not his biological daughter because I had come with my mother. In other words, he married my mother when she was carrying me in her womb. He was not happy with this idea, and he called all sort of abusive names. I recall that at one instant, he called me a trash, an illegitimate child, and that was going to become a prostitute when I grow up like my mother. He was stern and harsh in his words and I could not hold my tears anymore because I had known and loved him as my biological father, despite him being cruel, hostile, and brutal. Initially, I could not accept that he was not my biological father, but I learnt to accept the reality, and forge ahead with life. However, I could not stop blaming my mother for not telling me the truth about my biological father, whom I came to know him later in life. However, I could not express my resentments, pain and suffering directly to her because it was against the African traditions. According to African norms, values, and codes, children have not right of questioning their parents about such sensitive matters, and I did not infringe these norms. Despite this challenge, I have maintained a close and mutual relationship with my mother, and my siblings, and we support each other emotionally, and materially.
As a result of being raised in an abusive home environment, I have not been able to form an intimate relationship with a man. I like associating, and interacting with men, but I feel emotionally insecure when they propose to me about having an intimate relationship. This aspect is influenced by my experiences where I developed the perception that men are cruel, brutal, unkind, and inhuman as they abuse and exploit women for their personal gains. A few years ago, I have tried changing wrong perception and attitude towards men, and I have managed to form a close relationship with a few partners. I affirm that three years ago, I had a partner whom we shared a lot in terms of career advancement, plans, and personal well-being, but the relationship could not work out because I pulled out. He was a loving, caring, and determined man, but I felt emotionally insecure with him. Additionally, he preferred talking about relationship related issues, which I was uncomfortable with, as they reminded me about my childhood experiences. Occasionally, I could distract his attention by changing the topic under discussion, and sometimes pretend that I was not ready to talk with him about such issues. This aspect made it possible for me to continue having a relationship with him.
Although I feel emotional insecure in a relationship, I am comfortable when addressing sex-related issues; an aspect I learnt while in Kenya. Unlike other girls, I believe that I have control over my sex life, and that I should communicate, and express my feelings without any form of contempt, but cautiously. I believe that girls should control their sex life, refrain from engaging in premarital sex because it increases the rate of sexually transmitted diseases, teenage pregnancy, and early marriages in the society. In most cases, I do not like male partners who insist on having sex with me because I believe that one should engage in sexual intercourse when married.
Throughout my life, I believe that I should advance my career before I can engage in a serious relationship with a partner. Based on this fact, I spent much of my time working, conducting researches, and planning for my future. I am optimistic that I would get the right person whom I shall love, care and marry, after completing my studies, and obtaining a decent and well paying job. Marriage remains the hardest institution, and a couple should be financial stable so that they can raise their children well. I believe that my mother could not have suffered the way she did when raising my siblings and I, if she had advanced her career. I am striving hard not to repeat the mistakes she did in her life formative years by advancing my career and working hard in school. I am optimistic that I would be able to achieve my ambitions in life and raise my children in a stable family.
My childhood experiences shaped the way I make decisions today. I have always perceived my mother as an icon in my life because she taught me how to become a responsible, hard working and determined person; aspects, which have helped me overcome numerous challenges in life. She provides me with information, pieces of advice and ideas, which help me in decision-making process thus leading to prosperity and success in my undertakings. Although I have faced many challenges in life, I am confident that my determination, resilience, and courage would enable me achieve my ambitions, and goals and life. I believe that my childhood experiences have prepared me to face complex challenges in life, and I am ready to confront them with courage and determination. I believe that I was destined to make it in life; a philosophy that gives me the strength to confront life challenges with vigor.