WANT TO STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB?
AN EXPERIENCE OF VIOLATING THE DRESS CODE
The Name of the Course
The Date
WANT TO STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB?
AN EXPERIENCE OF VIOLATING THE DRESS CODE
The social norm I chose to violate is that of observing a dress code in certain occasions and specific events or gathering. I chose this particular norm because I observe that it is an area for disciplining young people and it seems to be quite a challenge to succeed in such discipline. Having parents who are keen in refinement of behavior, appropriateness of attire and conduct in public gatherings, I grew up with this norm being at the fore of our minds and criterion for our actions. Since it is an issue that is close to my upbringing, I wanted to see what would happen if I did deliberately violate it.
This social experiment came at a good time, in the sense that an occasion for it came as an opportunity. A distant relative of our family passed away recently. A short wake for mourning was held by the deceased big family and wide circle of friends and colleagues. My parents belonged to his professional circle and both the deceased and my parents were highly esteemed by the professionals in the field. On the eve of the funeral, a solemn necrological service was done in tribute to the deceased. I chose that special gathering to pull off my slight – but controversial – violation.
On that solemn and serious night, my whole family attended the service. I had to stage an alibi for me to arrive at the venue on my own so as not to run the risk of my parents spoiling my violation plan. Naturally, everyone donned formal outfits, with either black or white in color, as a respect for the solemnity of the occasion. On the other hand, I chose to arrive in rather shoddy loose jeans, bright-colored shirt, and a pair of comfortable sneakers. To top the “socially unacceptable” attire, I kept around my neck, sometimes firmly plastered on my ears, a pair of Skullcandy headphones.
I must admit that that act was quite an adventure. Before I pulled it off, I did a lot of planning. As I had described earlier, conscious of my parents’ keenness on refinement of conduct and social grace I knew this violation was going to stir the waters and would turn the ire on me. I really had a high level of fear before the experience. As I carried it out, that fear was slowly transforming into shame. In the venue itself and while the solemn service was going on, I was starting to feel so small, wanting to either completely shrink or totally evaporate and simply disappear. Shame mixed with regret was what filled me during the experience. However, I had to force myself to add some courage to that mixture because I simply could not back out on the experiment anymore. It turned out to be a very long night. I could barely wait to get out of the situation where I was sticking out like a sore thumb. After the experience, the only feeling left in me was shame. Regret was over. Courage was not needed anymore, except if and when I would need to face again my parents’ colleagues in the future.
Since I was very aware of the “experiment” I was conducting, I became conscious of the responses of the people around me. Perhaps because of my guilt, I was extremely sensitive with the movements of everyone, paranoid that they were referring to my absurdity. Most of the verbal responses I directly received came from my family members. As expected, my mother did not hesitate to give me a series of her icy statements of exasperation and utter disbelief. My brother gave me a rather condescending “Cool outfit, Bro!” remark; while my sister, with her usual I-never-go-wrong tone, said “You are next to be buried!” I did not know whether to laugh at these remarks or not but I tried to accept them nonchalantly. The non-verbal responses definitely outweighed all the spoken remarks I got. The guests did not spare me their dagger looks. Close friends and relatives of my mother would discreetly speak to her in a whisper while stealing side glances on me. Young people, but a little older than my generation, gave me a quizzical look as if trying to say “What are you trying to prove with that?!” Definitely, my queerness did not go unnoticed for people my age. Those who I believe are my peers, at least in terms of age, gave me different signals. Some gave me loaded smirks on their face and some others secretly gave me a thumbs-up. I would say however that those smirks and thumbs-up were forms of sarcastic affirmation.
In conclusion, I believe that that experiment was indeed an adventure and a learning experience for me. In the morning after the necrological service, I had to explain to my family what I did and the purpose for doing it. I was glad to have been able to reflect on my experience and even discuss my learning with them.
I realized that social norms are needed primarily for peace and order. Norms are necessary for harmonious living. We are all members of a community who come together for a purpose. We perform roles that complement each other so that life could be better for everyone. I also realized that I, as a social being, have the inherent desire to conform to the accepted norm. I would not want to stand out in the crowd, especially if the reason for being singled out was not to be honored but to de despised. I knew that my “act” was a distraction for everyone. I gave them a rather difficult time to concentrate on their mourning and sharing the grief of the deceased family and friends. Any deviant act, which is to stray from the generally accepted social norms, is indeed a cause of distraction and a lack of focus on the present.
Although deviancy is neither a crime nor a moral offense, its manifestations have a strong impact on society. Therefore, the power to control oneself from deviating and to discipline the self to stay within the confines of social norms, must even be stronger.
