Generally, it is assumed that mothers are very loving and they bond with their small children since the time of birth. At times, it can be assumed that this bond is natural since it starts right from pregnancy when the mother starts touching the child while still in the womb. After all, the child grows inside the mother and this is an automatic way to bonding (Palmer 1). However, I have come to realize that there is a kind of bonding that exists between a mother and her daughter (Johnson 64). This phenomenon is quite interesting and there is the need to look into the same. It brings the realization that there is the need to understand more on the dynamics leading to the nature of mother-daughter relationship, the manner in which the relationship changes with time and the forms it takes. As it looks into these, it will also look at the factors which lead to the propagation of such a bond. Below is a discussion of my findings based on my inquiry on the matter of interest. The paper will look into how the interest in looking at this subject came about, and then look at the issues as stated above.
Understanding the mother-daughter bond is quite a complex issue, though it might look somehow superficial (Tannen 1). Olsen (298) in her book titled “Tell Me a Riddle”, the author narrates how a mother and daughter developed a bond. As the mother ironed, the girl would stand nearby and then ask the mother to tell her a riddle. In due course, the bond between the two grew very strong. They became more than friends and shared quite a lot. As I pondered upon this issue, I could not help but reflect back from the time of my upbringing. We did not have much back then, but my mother was very loving; always fondling me, taking care of me which always made me feel that I was safe and secured, protected. Though she was quite weak, she still held me and I felt much comfort from her touch. I understand that she could look at my sister and they could bond. However, I was could not see her. As such, she had to establish a bond with me by using the sense of touch. This was very effective as it made me feel loved, cared for and adored. I felt very much at home and at peace due to the loving and reassuring touch. I wondered whether her touch had something to do with the strong feelings. The country music star Dolly Parton, in one of her songs titled “Say a special prayer for me” talks about the bonding that she and her mother had. The mother would kiss her goodnight, tuck her in at night and generally show her love and affection in every way that she could. Even as the small girl grew up and went into the city, all that she could remember was the love that she had from her mother, the gentle kisses that she got from the mother and the loving tenderness that the mother offered. This was so much to forget. This is why even as she goes into the city and faces various challenges, her thoughts rush back to her mother and her caring nature. This clearly indicates that the mother’s touch definitely has something to do with the mother-daughter bond. As Zucker (Para 1) observes, the skin serves as “a containing, unifying, “envelope” for the self.”
The bonding starts right from conception (Zucker 1). This happens because the mother gets the sensation of a new life forming inside her. According to Pregnancy and Baby 9Para 1), a mother tends to stroke her growing belly quite often. This creates a bond and the baby responds to the same. The baby can respond by moving the head, the arms or even the legs. This indicates that a kind of bonding and communication develops between the mother and the baby. More often than not, the mother fondles her growing tummy and at times even talks with the unborn child. The motherly instincts drive the mother to love the baby even before it is born. This is the same love that makes her nurture the pregnancy with much care, though it may be quite a task. After birth, the mother has the first time to physically bond with the child, and the child also has the chance to bond with the mother. In looking at the chemistry of attachment, Palmer (2) argues that on the first attempt at breastfeeding after birth, the levels of oxytocin in both the mother and the infant soar quite high. She thus observes that “Oxytocin, known as the “bonding” hormone, is released during times of close physical contact such as breastfeeding.” This hormone is responsible for propagating the high level of boning between the mother and the baby. She also indicates that the new-born has its own instinctive way of bonding with the nurse. These are the instincts that make the baby look up to the mother as it breastfeeds. This leads to a creation of the first kind of a bond between the mother and the infant; the nurse-child bond. It is quiet a strong bond as it creates a dependency of the child to the mother, while the mother feels the compelling need to care for the baby. As Brewer (Para 10) has it, “the experience, when you’re open to it, can be life altering and create an eternal method of relating to your new child.” Kids Health (Para 2) further observes that the sense of touch is more like “food to the baby, just as important as other foods.” The gentle, loving and tender care makes the baby feel a sense of belonging and security.
Johnson Baby (Para 3) also has an input in this issue. They observe that children need the mother’s touch for development. In fact, it is a form of communication that goes on between the mother and the infant. At times, it is recommended that the mother and the baby can spend time just looking at each other’s eyes. The baby develops a feeling of security and comfort. This can make the baby develop well intellectually and even emotionally. The sense of touch is as important as it shows the baby that the parents are understanding and loving, besides showing attention to the baby. It so happens that the baby knows and acknowledges the touch. As such, when the mother does not seem to pay attention, the baby cries out. This is a way of drawing attention from the mother or the caretaker. Once they are held and massaged softly, they relax and can even go to sleep. This indicates just how important the sense of touch is, and how it can help in the bonding process between mother and daughter.
The Urban Child Institute (1) looks at the dynamics that the child’s development can be enhanced. The sense of touch features very prominently. They argue that the infants tend to thrive better if they are exposed to more caring, loving touching (Feldman et al 271). Their findings indicate that children who receive such affection from the parents tend to thrive faster and do well in all areas of development than those that do not get such attention. The parameters that are enhanced by the sense of touch include the cognitive, language abilities and social-emotional abilities. This could explain the reason as to why girls so easily bond with their mothers. Biologically, women are bound to be more social than men and more emotionally sensitive. As such, though the baby-boy and the baby-girl might receive an equal affection from the parents, the girl might remain more attached to the mother than the boy. This happens at the stage where the child starts developing the self-independence. Urban Child Institute (2012) posits that “when parents engage in appropriate touch, young children have improved chances to successfully develop socially, emotionally, and intellectually.”
Schneider (2) looks at the manner in which the sense of touch affects the different development aspects of the child. The benefits are realized in different domains of the child. In the psychosocial domain, the infant tends to have more of a bonding experience with the mother. This brings about a kind of attachment where the two feel that they are in need of each other. It also promotes the bodily and mind-connection where the baby becomes more conscious of the self. At this time, she also appreciates the fact that the mother makes efforts at bonding, and so the baby develops the social bonds with the mother. Besides, this kind of touch enhances the self-esteem of the child where she feels that she is loved, appreciated and accepted within the social setting. She develops trust and respect with the community through the mother. Since the mother is the first social being, the bond between the two tends to be very strong, it cannot be easily broken. It also enhances the communication between the mother and the baby. For instance, Brewer (1) argues that there are different ways through which the sense of touch can be used for different purposes. This implies that a different form of communication is enhanced with every kind of touch. For instance, stroking the baby’s face and stomach after waking up can help in raising the level of awareness of the child, and is actually used when waking up the baby so as to feed it. On the other hand, a stroke and massage at the back of the legs can easily be used to soothe the baby to sleep. This implies that understanding the different kinds of touch can enhance the communication between the mother and the daughter. Pregnancy and Baby 9Para 8) further observes that in terms of development, the touch plays a very important role. “Touch is crucial to brain growth and the cultivation of coping skills.” It is noted that the ability to cope with stress starts during infancy. The touch plays a role in that it helps in creating the neurological, emotional, chemical, and cognitive patterns of the child. It is noted when an infant faces discomfort such as wetness, it responds by crying. When the mother responds with a comforting and loving touch, the baby is reassured and feels more comfortable. This also contributes to the greater bonding between the two.
Benjamin and Rich (3) look at the dynamics that lead to the strengthening of the bond between mother and daughter. It so happens that as the children start the socialization process, they tend to realize that the society has the manner in which some roles are structured to be men’s roles while others are women’s roles. At this stage of development, the children have developed the cognitive ability to realize which part of the gender roles they fall/. As such, they try to accustom to the roles they will be playing. The little girls try to learn from the mother. As the mother goes about the daily activities, the girl child tries to follow and emulate the same. As such, the mother-daughter bond moves from the nurse-child to the learner-apprentice bond. This implies that the girl has more time with the mother as she continues learning. Due to the loving nature of the parents, it is likely that the mother will use different gestures of touch to encourage the daughter or appreciate her. For instance, pats on the back, a hug or a peck are some of the ways used to appreciate the small girls. While this is happening, it is worth remembering that the skin is the largest sense organ in the body (Zucker 3) and humans tend to respond to the sense of touch. This is to mean that as the mother does these things in a bid to appreciate the child, the sense of touch is more common, and the bond between them is made much stronger.
In conclusion, this essay has looked at the bond between mother and daughter. In taking an empirical look at the issue, it has been observed that the bond between the two starts right from conception. This is, however, not any different from the kind of bond that exists between the mother and the boy child. At infancy, the children get equal attention but due to the emotional and social wiring of the girl as a feminine creature, the motherly attention and touch tends to be more bonding than that of the mother and a son. This is the first step in which the strength of the mother-daughter bond starts being stronger and distinguished. As the girl grows up to be a responsible member of the society, she tries to learn more from the mother. She is in close contact with the mother which implies that she gets more of the motherly touch. Due to the power of touch and the fact that the girl gets it more often, the bond between the two continues strengthening. Even unto adulthood, the bond is still there though it can take different forms. The fact remains that there is usually a very strong bond between the mother and daughter and the sense of touch does much in propagating this bond.
Works Cited
Benjamin, Jessica & Rich, Adrienne. “Chapter Five: Terms of Enmeshment: Feminist Discourses of Mothers and Daughters.” University of California Press, 2012. Web. 11th Nov. 2012, http://publishing.cdlib.org/ucpressebooks/view?docId=ft658007c3&chunk.id=d0e3253&toc.id=&brand=ucpress
Brewer, Holly. “The Importance of Touch in Parent-Infant Bonding.” Health Guidance, 2012. Web. 11th Nov. 2012, http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15173/1/The-Importance-of-Touch-in-Parent-Infant-Bonding.html
Feldman, Ruth et al. “Touch Attenuates Infants’ Psychological Reactivity to Stress.” Developmental Science, 13.2, 2010: 271-278. Web. 22nd Nov. 2012, http://web.ebscohost.com.proxy.alameda.peralta.edu/ehost/detail?sid=fb7dfd04-bfdc-4f9e-967a-473584ddcaf2%40sessionmgr13&vid=1&hid=13&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#db=pbh&AN=47842075
Johnson, Pamela. “My Daughter, Myself.” Essence, 29.6, 1998: 64. Web. 22nd Nov. 2012, http://web.ebscohost.com.proxy.alameda.peralta.edu/ehost/detail?sid=7ea15c00-567c-4aa9-8adb-8ffa055abd67%40sessionmgr13&vid=1&hid=13&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWhvc3QtbGl2ZSZzY29wZT1zaXRl#db=pbh&AN=1132380
Kids Health. Home. Kidshealth.org, 2012. Web. 22nd Nov. 2012, http://kidshealth.org/
Johnson’s Baby. “Bonding with Baby: The Importance of Touch.” Johnson’s Baby, 2012. Web. 22nd Nov. 2012, http://www.johnsonsbaby.com/bonding-with-baby-the-importance-of-touch
Olsen, Tillie. Tell Me a Riddle. New Brunswick, NJ: Rutgers, 1995.
Palmer, Linda F. “The Chemistry of Attachment.” API News, 5.2, 2012. Web. 11th Nov. 2012, http://www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/artchemistry.php
Pregnancy and Baby. “Bonding with Your Infant: The Power of Touch.” Pregnancy and Baby Organization, 2012. Web. 22nd Nov. 2012, http://www.pregnancyandbaby.com/baby//bonding-with-your-infant-the-Schneider, Fogel. “Touch Communication: The Power of Infant Massage.” A Foundation for Healthy Family Living, 2012. Web. 11th Nov. 2012, http://www.healthyfamily.org/cs/user/print/article/2
Tannen, Deborah. “How To Understand the Mother and Daughter Relationship.” Daily Mail, June 1, 2006. Web. 11th Nov. 2012, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-388574/How-understand-mother-daughter-relationship.html
The Urban Child Institute. “Enhancing Development through the Sense of Touch.” Urban Child Institute, 2012. Web. 11th Nov. 2012, http://www.urbanchildinstitute.org/articles/research-to-policy/research/enhancing-development-through-the-sense-of-touch
Zucker, Jessica. “The Experience of Touch and the Development of Self.” PBS, 2009. Web. 11th Nov. 2012, http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/experience-touch-and-development-self
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