Introduction
Debatably, marriage is one of the most important institutions in the community. Fundamentally, marriage concerns itself with the union of two individuals with the aim of establishing a family (Globalization; culture and education in the new millennium, 2004). Worth noting is the fact that in the olden days, marriage could possibly involve more than two individuals. This is because in most communities, polygamy was a normal social arrangement. Even so, polygamy is common today in some societies. For instance, the Islam religion permits a man to marry up to four wives. As such, the observers of the religion still bear some characteristics of the old marriages. Arguably, the family, as an institution, has undergone many changes. The changes in marriage arrangements revolve around the changing roles of men and women. Contrary to the old days, contemporary women are more informed. As such, they realize that they need to be exposed to the similar handling as their male counterparts. Such realization has caused serious changes in marriages. This paper seeks to address the differences between the marriages of the old days and the marriages of modern day society, in light of roles and expectations.
Gender differences
In the olden days, which are referred to as the past millennium, there were many significant gender differences. Such differences were rooted in the norms and traditions of the society. Perhaps the most notable difference was the fact that, back in the day, the roles of a man in marriage were different. While the husband was the sole income earner of the family, the woman was expected to stay back at home. The duty of the wife was cater for the children and perform such house chores as cooking for the family and cleaning around the home (Steil, 2000). The differences in gender degraded the woman in the sense that, decision making procedures were fully handled by men. The women were considered incompetent, and had little to contribute to the decisions. This was especially so in the African communities, as well as the Asian, chauvinist Islamist communities. Research indicates that the trend still exists in a number of African and Asian communities.
The differences between the man and the woman within the marriage setting were quite conspicuous as they were part and parcel of the traditions and expectations of the society. Fundamentally, the man’s contribution into the welfare of the family was executed form outside. On the contrary, the woman’s contribution was executed from within the family through the basic chores of the home. Fundamentally, the woman was like the central figure binding the father and the children together. The man on the other hand was considered a consultant in the home setting. At no point was the man expected to undertake such duties as cooking and cleaning, like is the case today (May, 2010). Even so, the man could influence such decisions as what was to be eaten by the wife and children. In some societies, the man was so superior that he could be served a different meal. Notably, in most societies, the woman was supposed to ensure that all the family members were comfortable before she could consider her own comfort. In other words, unlike the man, the woman was expected to subordinate individual interest to the interests of the husband and the children.
The gender differences were such that the man was the head of the house, whose directives and instructions, the woman and the children, had to execute without much questioning. The gender differences placed the woman in a position almost equal to that of the children. This is because, just like the children, the wife did not own any property (Scanzoni, 2008). All property belonging to the family was deemed the man’s property. The male dominance and superiority was seen in the naming of the children, a practice that is observed in many communities today. The children were named in such a way that the surname was the father’s. This had the psychological effect of making the children appear like they belonged to the man alone. In a nutshell, the gender differences were clear and somewhat unfair to the female members of society, especially within the marriage institution.
Gender Issues
The gender issues between the men and women in marriages were rooted in the gender differences. The issues were a display of dissatisfaction, which no one, however aggrieved, stood up to speak about. The issues revolved around inequality. The gender differences were such that they placed a man in a better position and a woman in less regard. This brought up the issue of inequality. Further, the inequality came as a result of the women not being in a position to access the same opportunity as a man. For instance, the man could ably inherit wealth from parents. On the contrary, women had no such privilege. Additionally, men could access good employment opportunities. These included white collar jobs that were well paying. It is for this reason, that the man became the sole breadwinner since women could not go to work (Thomas, 2005). They had to remain subordinated to performing household chores. Moreover, women were not exposed to education opportunities which had empowered their husbands.
Gender issues in the marriage setting were influenced by societal factors, rather than by the individual inefficiencies of the parties engaged in marriage. As a matter of common knowledge, there were those men that were willing to perform such duties as cooking and cleaning. Unfortunately, they could not do it because society did not allow. Additionally, tradition had set such unjustified paradigms that made a man engaging in house hold chores seem like a weaker being. Such norms and beliefs made men stay away from the house chores. This only burdened women the more. Similarly, such disparities widened the gap between women and men in such a way that they appeared like people of two extreme social classes of different and unequal strengths (May, 2010). The gender issues that existed in the marriages of the old millennium are the foundation of the battle of the sexes that is prevalent in the social world of today.
Gender issues in the marriage were as well reflected in child bearing. Men took pride in having boy children. The past century marriages drew a lot from traditions and beliefs as well as traditional practices and assumptions. The assumption that a male child was better than a girl child made men push their wives into giving birth to more children. This was particularly common in chauvinistic societies. In the event that a woman gave birth to girls only, the man kept trying hard so as to make his wife give birth to a boy child (May, 2010). The result was an unplanned family in which the probability of polygamy was extremely high. Failure to have boy children in the marriage was blamed on the woman. As such, the man could go out and marry a second wife, or engage in extra marital affairs. Gender issues, therefore, brought about the issue of polygamy or extramarital affairs.
Differences in how men and women see marriage
Much like the old millennium men, the men of the new millennium have expectations that vary a great deal from the views of the women. Psychologists explain that the emotional needs of a man are quite different from those of a woman. This explains the reason why women associate marriage with love while men associate love with beauty. According to a woman, the marriage is an institution where they find love and affiliation. It is a place where they have a source of basic human wants such as protection and food. Traditionally, the man is the sole breadwinner. The woman contributes little to family income. As such, the woman is a dependent, much like the children. Even so, this is changing gradually as the women endeavor to participate in the same activities as men. In the old millennium, men viewed marriage as a source of children, wealth and pride. Children, especially the male children were and still are a source of family pride. In the new millennium, men are changing the attitude. With the rising awareness among women, equality is a central idea in all social institutions including the family unit. As such, men are learning to see marriage differently, such that a woman is now seen as a companion and not like a man’s servant. Men are gradually learning to associate love and affiliation with the marriage institution.
Marriage Expectations in the Old Millennium
In the old millennium, the marriage expectations of both men and women were varied and were not comparable to the expectations of the men and women of the contemporary world. During the old millennium, the women expected a lot, in terms of emotional well being, out of the marriage. Unlike the contemporary married woman, the woman from the past century expected her husband to be caring and compassionate to her, as well as, the children (Loveless & Holman, 2007). Actually people in the olden days got involved in marriage as a way of satisfying their emotional needs. In accordance with the Maslow hierarchy of needs, the women of the past century held such virtues as love, protection and affiliation in high regard. This is to say that the women got married out of genuine love. This explains why the poor and the rich men stood almost equal opportunity of getting married. In addition to love and affiliation, the woman expected the man to provide her with the basic human needs such as food, attire and shelter.
On the other hand, men’s expectations of the marriage were much different. For instance, the man expected submission from the wife. In the marriage, the man considered himself superior, thanks to the traditions of society. Society placed the man at a better position compared to the woman. As such, the old millennium man expected the wife to stoop low and listen to him. The husband, therefore, did not anticipate resistance or opposition from his wife (Levenson et al, 1993). They expected a hardworking wife who could take good care of the children in the best way possible as far as such household chores as cooking were concerned. In many communities, it was such that the man expected a good cook back at home. In addition to the wife’s submission, the husband expected the wife to bear him children. In most societies, especially in the developing communities, men took pride in many children, especially when such children were boys. The explanation behind the preference for boy children varies from one society to another. In the event that the wife was unable to give birth to male children, the man had the option of remarrying. Usually, neither the community nor the wife objected such a move.
Marriage in the new millennium
Arguably, the unification between a male and a female in contemporary society is not a marriage, as it was in the days, when people could follow all protocol and social procedures in uniting as a married couple. In the contemporary world, a good number of the couples living together are not formally engaged as husband and wife, but rather as partners living together for convenience. The level of independence with which they go about their lives cannot allow them to be referred to as a married couple (Levenson et al, 1993). Most couples come to live together for such reasons as pre-marital, unplanned pregnancies. Where a girl gets pregnant, she is likely to move in with the man, for the sake of conveniently bringing up the child. Similarly, couples live together for such reasons as sexual needs, cost sharing et cetera. Such practices were not allowed in the community some years ago. Even so, change is a continuous, inevitable process. It is for this reason that the marriage institution has changed to an extent that it is almost losing the significance it was associated with.
Differences between the Marriages in the Old Period and New Millennium Marriages
The major differences, between the couples that got engaged in marriage a long time ago and those staying together in the contemporary society; arise out of the actuality that the duties of both men and females have changed a great deal. Unlike the older periods when the man was the sole bread winner, today the roles are totally different, with women performing duties that were associated with men in the past century. A woman providing for her family is not a rare occurrence in the modern world, thanks to the equal education opportunities. In the contemporary world, the girl child is exposed to equal education as the boy child, even in the developing countries, where traditions are prevalent (Lamanna, & Riedmann, 2009). Being exposed to equal education opportunities, the girls grow to be women that can access the same careers as men. Such access to powerful professions makes the women so empowered that they cannot be subordinated in a marriage. Instead, they bear equal responsibility including the settling of bills and educating the children. The roles in marriage are currently in such a way that the man and the wife bear almost similar responsibility. The breadwinner title no longer rests with the man in modern society, thanks to the laws of equality and gender fairness.
Conclusion
In conclusion, therefore, it is clear that, from the foregoing, the marriage institution has undergone various significant changes. The changes, as observed, are rooted in the roles and expectations of the men and women. The formerly submissive wife is currently an aggressive human being that can comfortably handle that which a man can handle. The fuss about many children has no place in contemporary society. The reasons with which people get married are not the same as they were back in the day. People nowadays are actually not in a marriage but rather some contract in which either party has duties and obligations. Equality is a principal feature in contemporary society where equal chances are given to boys and girls. Such equality has eliminated such things as submission to the husband. It is no puzzle, then, why the contemporary marriage is so much different from the traditional marriage.
References
Globalization; culture and education in the new millennium. (2004). U.S.A: University of California Press.
Lamanna, M. A., & Riedmann, A. C. (2009). Marriages & families: making choices in a diverse society (10th Ed.). Belmont, Calif.: Thomson.
Levenson, R. W., Carstensen, L. L., & Gottman, J. M. (1993). Long-term marriage: age, gender, and satisfaction. Psychology and aging, 8(2), 301
Loveless, A. S. (2007). The family in the new millennium (1. publ. ed.). Westport, Conn. [U.A.: Praeger.
Loveless, A. S., & Holman, T. (2007). The family in the new millennium: world voices supporting the "natural" clan. Westport, Conn.: Praeger Publishers.
May, E. T. (2010). Great expectations: marriage and divorce in post-Victorian America (Pbk. Ed.). Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Thomas, G. B. (2005). Contemplating marriage: reader. Kansas City: Sheed & Ward.
Hiller, D. V., & Philliber, W. W. (1986). The division of labor in contemporary marriage: Expectations, perceptions, and performance. Social Problems, 191-201.
Scanzoni, J. (2008). Contemporary Marriage Types: A Research Note. Journal of Family Issues, 1(1), 125-39.
Steil, J. M. (2000). Contemporary marriage: Still an unequal partnership.
