It is said that the things that do not kill you will make you stronger, but there are
some things that just seem too overwhelming at times when faced with the possibility of
losing everything. The internet chat sites have been a breeding ground for emotional
infidelity and many people involved in those sites sincerely believe they are not
“cheating.“ In Sampson Davis’ book, The Pact, a quote which touched my heart and fit
my life was “I had worked so hard to change my life. Now I could lose everything” (204).
I have worked so hard to be married while going to school, and be supportive of him
while carrying the huge emotional weight I feel has been for both of us. And it could all
be lost with his internet female friends he refuses to give up.
When one gets married, one assumes it is forever, never thinking that the one you
have pledged your heart and soul to will betray you with another person or persons. I feel
I work so hard to make our marriage succeed, but infidelity, whether physically or
emotionally, is difficult to excuse and forgive. My mother was sick, I was traveling, and
he was still talking to girls. My world was turning upside down. I was not trusting my
husband because he has formed “friendships” (his words) with many female internet users
and he talks over the most intimate details of our marriage with these strangers. I do not
want to lose my husband but I do not want him to think he can get away with having
emotional affairs with women he has met online.
I went into this marriage knowing he had a lot of female friends, but a lot of them
were ex-girlfriends. I had been hurt before, therefore I wanted this time to be different.
My first reaction is denial that he would be talking with others about what he perceives as
problems in our marriage. Well, if there are problems, why is he not talking with me? I
spent a lot of time checking his phone, calling girls, and emailing them things I should
not have. This is not how I wanted to be. I am working, going to school, maintaining a
household, not much time for romance, but school is a temporary situation until
graduation and it is one of life’s stepping stones to a better future for both of us. I
am working so hard to change my life and now I could lose everything. I need to
change the way I am treating him.
We made a pact when we got married, to work together as partners in life. We
made a pact that I would go to school and earn my degree for the betterment of us. We
both feel we worked so hard for this spiritual temple to be together for all eternity, and he
said if I did not stop my jealousy and trust issues, I could lose him forever. However, he
does not perceive the necessity to give up his female friends and he says I am displaying
petty jealously over something that he does not perceive as wrong as there is no physical
contact. But I perceive to be an emotional attachment to these women which is akin to
having affairs. Through the internet, he is having affairs with all these women which adds
this and right now I feel it is up to me even though I am stymied, emotionally bruised, and
very tired. This is not the way I need to be. I do not want to lose it all. I know it is up to
me to help him be a better husband.
