Why is Commitment Important to a Marriage
Many people believe in and are determined to find their soul mates. Due to this and also in part to the high prevalence of divorce. More people are choosing to live together rather than get married. It would seem that many people believe that commitment is no longer important in marriage. This is only partially true because while many couples acknowledged that a lack of commitment was problem in their marriage. They were not willing to do what it took to overcome the lack of commitment in their marriage. According to David Steele the founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute 85% of couples who divorced indicated a lack of commitment as being the main reason for divorcing.
Commitment is not the same as love. Love is only one of the ingredients needed for a successful marriage, but it is not the most important one. This is because while people put a tremendous amount of importance on the idea and feeling of love. Love is fickle and irrational and dependent on a number of factors and variables in the relationship (Chan 2012). This is why a marriage or relationship cannot be based solely on love, but it must be a partnership that is based on commitment. Commitment on the other hand has been defined as an obligation or promise to stay together no matter what happens. It is what enables people to stay together despite the many problems including infidelity they may encounter in their marriage (Marshall 2005)
Seen as the cornerstone of a good marriage commitment is a choice that allows people to feel safe and secure in the relationship which in turn permits them to be more open and honest within it. It allows the people in the marriage to feel as though they belong to something that is worth holding on to and fighting for (twoofus.org). Being committed in marriage is realizing that you are not always going to get your way and being able to compromise. To accomplish this one must decide if the behaviour they wish to exhibit is beneficial or damaging to the marriage. This means putting aside our own wants and agendas for the sake of the relationship. The best way to achieve this is to find ways to compromise. This ensures that neither party takes blame for the issue and that both parties get what they want. (Wolpert 2012). According to PowertoChange.com research shows that people who are committed to their marriages are more likely to report being satisfied in their marriage, more likely to make sacrifices for the sake of their marriage, having longer lasting marriages and to feel less trapped in their marriage than people who do not have a committed marriage. (Strom 2009)
Commitment is essentially a behavior that stems from being “committed to the fact if not the attitude” (Steele n.d) this means that they stay despite the fact that they want to leave. Author Linda Waite conducted a study for her book “The Case for Marriage,” in which she discovered that “two-thirds of unhappily married spouses if they stay together are happily married five years later” Waite coined this “Marital Endurance Ethic” which is the idea that marriages lasted because the couples chose to outlast their problems. (Steele n.d). In ‘The Case for Marriage,” Waite also claims people in marriages where both parties are committed relate having more and better sex, being physically, mentally and emotionally healthier being are physically healthier, mentally and emotionally happier, and being more financially secure then couples that are just cohabitating. (Steele n.d)
References
Chan, A. (2012). Why Love Isn't Enough to Sustain a Marriage. The Huffington Post. Retrieved 19 January 2016, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amy-chan/what-is-more-important-lo_b_1160548.html
Marshall, J. (2005). Communication, Conflict & Commitment. Retrieved January 19, 2016, from http://ocw.usu.edu/Family__Consumer____Human_Development/Marriage___Family_Relationships/Communication__Conflict___Commitment_9.html
Steele, D. (n.d.). Commitment: The Path to Relationship Happiness. Retrieved January 19, 2016, from http://coupleforlife.com/commitment-the-path-to-relationship-happiness/
Strom, B. (2009). Commitment and Faithfulness in Relationships. Retrieved January 19, 2016, from http://powertochange.com/sex-love/commitmentrelationships
Twoofus.org Why Commitment Matters. (n.d.). Retrieved January 19, 2016, from http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/why-commitment-matters/index.aspx
Wolpert, S. (2012). Here is what real commitment to your marriage means. Retrieved January 19, 2016, from http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/here-is-what-real-commitment-to-228064
