‘and the two will become one flesh. Hence, they are no longer two, but one’ (Mark 10:8) and that, ‘Let no man split a part what God has joined” are the prominent matrimonial verses extracted from the Holy Bible. These are clear justifications of God’s healthy and happy intentions for man. They strongly support the three goals of then Christian matrimony: cooperation between the couple; procreation and protection of one another against adultery.
In deed, from the excerpt, it can be envisioned that this young couple is actually in jeopardy. Even if Bill and Sally have been dating for only half a month, it’s very clear that they already have a lot of conflicting ideologies that if not well managed, can lead to an eventual collapse of this marriage. It seems that there is no understanding between the two. Sally on her part, views her husband as being so uncooperative, something that makes her think of a shameful termination of their relationship.
This, according to me, clearly puts the two in a dire position to seek for a professionally conducted counseling session. Counseling, being a process which enables a person to sort out problems and reach a workable decision, should be thoroughly offered to this couple. They should be made to understand that that they have a problem, need to be assisted and look for a better way to better their lives.
More importantly, emphasis should be put on them to make them understand that that it is actually them who are the problem and will be the ultimate solution to the issues at hand. Therefore, because Sally and Bill have a problem, they should arrange to visit a third party, in this case, myself, their friend, to mediate by offering an impartial way forward and solution to address their problem.
This means that they need an effective, empathetic, confidential, straight forward, independent, patient, respectful and listening counselor. That kind of personnel will not only create confidence in them, but also listens to them and helps to heal the wounds that this young couple has found itself in.
Therefore, as a friend; when I get an opportunity to counsel them, I will ensure that I create a more dynamic and conducive environment that will be accommodative to both of them. This if done, they will feel free to openly reveal to me their position as far as this matter is concerned. Meanwhile, I will carefully do this after tactfully employing either the psycho-analytic, gestalt, adlerian counseling theories. This will help me to develop a theoretical aspect of this process and help me to open more avenues for extracting the truth from the two wrangling gentleman and a lady.
As a counselor, I will first of all listen to both Sally and Bill. I will call them to my office and create a condusive atmosphere for each of them to get an ample opportunity to confidently and confidentially disclose to me their version of the story. Definitely, I will reciprocate by listening and empathizing with them.
As already mentioned, this will be done so confidentially to the extent that no information will be leaked out to any other party. This means that I will call each of them separately without necessarily informing the other. If they will be free to reveal to me their stand, I will later call them together to my office and give them another chance to openly argue out their stance.
As is obviously done, I will also ensure that I give them an opportunity to defend their positions. Each and every one of them will be given a chance to explain the cause of their feelings. To be precise, the husband who is viewed as the uncooperative party in this case will be given a chance to justify his changed behavior.
Even if Bill appears to be infringing Sally, we will not automatically condemn him as such. Instead, we will keenly listen to him as he tells us why he is allegedly trying to dominate over his beloved Sally.
After listening to all of them, I will give them a well thought impartial and neutral position. However, I will not be able to give an impromptu solution. Instead, I will only offer guidelines which I feel will be of use to them. In other words, it means that I will divert to them the judgment. It is them who will give me the way forward. I will give them a chance to tell me what their opinion is.
It is them who will tell me what they think should be done in order to find a solution to this problem. However, after listening to them, I will confidently urge them to forge peace. I will ensure that I make them understand that it is only through dialogue that they will be able mending their differences.
I will advise them to learn to listen to, understand, tolerate and perpetually assist one anther. They should learn to cooperate in their house.
Besides, I will advise them to embrace the spirit of positive communication in their house. It will be upon me to urge them to accept to be open to and communicate any important decision in their house. This will help them overcome many challenges. It will help to resolve their conflicts and give them a chance to cordially live together as a wife and a husband.
This will definitely open their eyes to understand that all the relationships are prone to challenges and that, the longevity of theirs will be determined by how amicably and cohesively handle their hurdles.
Cited Work
Heppner, P. et al (2008) A Growing Internationalization of Counseling Psychology. Hand Book of Counseling Psychology. New York: John Wiley and Sons Publishers.
