Dear group members,
This is my evaluation of the essay that I have done. Based on the recent events in the world and the discussions going on regarding terrorism and the refugee crisis, I chose to talk about the debate on whether Europe and America should accept refugees from Syria. The ongoing conflicts in the Middle East have created a humanitarian crisis, with many seeking shelter in other countries. Unfortunately, the neighboring countries have not been helpful, while some of them do not offer stability and security for the refugees. My essay argues that Europe and America should respond by taking more refugees
My essay targets the general public of the concerned region, and policy makers. I have approached my essay from an academic argument, incorporating logos, pathos and ethos to convince the audience of the need to help the unfortunate refugees. To this end, I have used statistics available from humanitarian organizations to build on the logic that refugee casualty is very high and the number of refugees is so high that no one country can accommodate them. I have also presented the facts from UN that indicate that the refugees who have settled at the borders are not safe either and need a long term plan. To add more to logic, I have provided statistics on illegal immigrants and argued that providing a structured refugee support system will help manage illegal immigration.
I would like my audience to look beyond the under eloped presentation and see my organization of the content. I would like to improve my ethos by improving how I present my work, use of good grammar, proper sentence organization and good choice of words. I need help in polishing my grammar and maintain an authoritative voice in my essay since sometimes I find that I am unable to say exactly what I want and how I want it due to limitation in vocabulary and structure. For now, I try to cover this by referring to authoritative sources and using some direct quotes that can present the ideas like I would want them to come out.
I would like to improve the organization of my paragraphs and ideas into leading topic sentences. I would like to improve on the choice of words and grammar usage. My sentence structure and mechanics may also not be at the level expected. I also had a problem with organizing the introductory paragraph into background, problem and having a clear thesis statement. Generally, I did try to put forward a good argument in the essay by presenting a strong argument and using good references.
