Psychology; My Identity to Gender.
I am a Korean. I came to the United State of America two years ago to pursue my studies. I am twenty years old. The life in Korea is somehow different from the lifestyle in the United States of America. The essay that I write below is how I came to identify with my gender while I was in Korea. Gender is usually confused with sexuality of an individual. Sexuality is the act of being male or female while gender is the roles that are assigned to people on the basis of either being male or female (Franklin, 822). The Korean community, just like most of the communities, identifies babies sexuality at birth and expectation are already made based on their sexuality. Most communities expect more from males than female. In almost all societies one is only accepted if he or she can carry out the roles that revolved around their sexuality.
When I was a small kid I used to go out with my father often and each time he would tell to be like him a man and not to be weak in the society. My sisters were mostly left behind in the house to help my mother do the house chores. My brothers and I were not allowed to go into the kitchen and help with anything. Kitchen work was left for the female figure in the family. My mother was expected to guide them on them on how to carry on with their duties as our father helped us to be responsible and take up our own roles in the society. I started noticing some of the things that my father did and pleasure that came along with it. He was proud of being a man capable of taking care of his family and keeping them in order. My father tried to treat us, me and my sister, as equal but still believed that some chores were just for my sisters and my mother and that we were not to partake in any of them. From this, it is much clear that parents can follow customary in assigning roles based on genders and this is much supported by the Smith’s quote, "Where you come from it is customary to boil vegetables until they fall apart. This does not mean," Said Samad tersely, "that it is a good idea.” (Smith, 83).This is one of the quotes from the novel White Teeth by Zadie Smith. Our parents defined our roles in the house primarily based on gender because it was customary to that. They were expected to raise us with defined roles. According to me this was not such a good idea. Raising children with distinct roles prevent them from being holistic in nature. In case one figure is absent some of the duties are put on hold until they get back. I realized what was expected of me as male from when I was young and this is according to how my family defined our roles. I started identifying with the roles that were expected of me as a male.
My brothers and I were usually allowed to go and play in the football field while my sisters remained at home to carry out their chores. I was taken to school when I was a bit younger than my sisters. It was common to take boys to school while still very young. My brothers and I joined school at the age of eight when my sisters joined at the age of 11. Even when my sisters were done they were not allowed to go far from the house. They were allowed to play within the compound with the neighbors’ daughters or go the neighbors’ compound to play. They movement was strictly restricted and not as ours. Right from them I realized the benefits that came along with being a male. Our movement was not as restricted as compared to our sisters. ‘‘They cannot escape their history any more than you yourself can lose your shadow.” (Smith, 385). A quote from the novel White Teeth by Zadie Smith, this quote supports the fact that no matter how hard our parents tried to make us equal it was evident that they did not take us equal. The customary belief made them to treat us, male better than the females. As much as they tried history and customs gave us better roles and privileges than our sisters. During the period of Chosun Dynasty women were not allowed to move out of the homestead (Choi, 41). The only time they could move out was in evening after a bell was ringed. The bell allowed them to carry out some of their errands within this time. This history is what was influencing, my parents to keep my sisters at home. As my sisters get to suffer from the history that they could not escape, we got to benefit from the same history. The fact that we got to benefits more than them can be supported by the quote “In the end, your past is not my past and your truth is not my truth and your solution - is not my solution.” from the novel White teeth by Zadie Smith (Smith, 150). The past of the male and female in the Korean history is not the same. This means that every individual in the society is responsible for exerting their own efforts in remedying the situation since they have one way or another in which they identify with gender roles.
I managed to fully identify myself with my gender when I was fifteen years old. At this age we moved to another neighborhood. There was a man who was constantly drunk and did not have time to work for their family. The man was very abusive to his children and wife. In the neighborhood everybody termed him lazy and very incompetent. Every time that my father had to advise us he would use him as an example and tell us not to be like him. He was a bad example of a man. In fact to most people in the neighborhood he was an insult to manhood. The women had to work very hard to produce for the family. This was the first time the first time I was seeing a female taking the role I knew was singled out for the man of the family. Everybody in the neighborhood was not comfortable with this set of event. The woman opted for a divorce on the grounds of abusive husband. The divorce was handled in a court of law and to my amazement the man was allowed custody of the male children. I wondered why such an irresponsible man would be given custody to any child. The only answer I managed to come up with was that the Korean judiciary system considered boys to be children of the father and girls children of the mother. The boys also preferred to remain with the father to going with their mother. The place of the boy child is with the man and not their mothers. Boys are to be raised by their fathers is another gender role in the Korean society. The man’s action led to the divorce. The man ignored his responsibilities and the consequence was a divorce. The quote that supports this from the novel White Teeth by Zadie Smith is, “You must live life with the full knowledge that your actions will remain. We are creatures of consequence.” (Smith, 88). I realized that I had to take care of all my gender roles least I wanted to end up like that man. I knew from then that failure to partake any of my gender roles was going to have an unpleasant consequence.
I have fully identified with my sex and roles that come along with it. My gender requires me to be a responsible man and an example to my children especially the boys in the house. They are supposed to learn from me and become responsible as I am. I am aware that failure to attend to roles will have unpleasant consequences on me and my family in general. My gender comes with lots of privileges and responsibilities. In most cases of my life, I have been proud of my gender not only because of the privileges but also because the roles that comes along with it.
Work cited
Franklin, Cynthia, Mary B. Harris, and Paula Allen-Meares. The School Services Sourcebook. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2013. Print.
Choi, Jae-Soon, Maija R. Devine, and Jai-sik Suh. Hanoak: Traditional Korean Homes. Elizabeth, N.J: Hollym, 2000. Print.
