The book Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz is one piece of writing that comprehensively touches the issue of many homes in the past decades. Nevertheless, the same principles apply even today. Alcohol drinking of many people is already an assumed problem in societies. Sadly, having such lifestyle has co-occurring effects that adversely affect even family relationships – particularly the children. In her book, Woititz provides the way for understanding such issue. Parents, whether alcoholic or not, and children should read it.
It is true that being in a home with an alcoholic family member – particularly a parent – in an undesirable life condition. The reality of “tension and anxiety is ever present” (Woititz, 1990, 6). A given example in the book is about a father who happens to be gentle and kind to a child for some time. But as often as he gets drunk with alcohol, the situation becomes different. Sometimes the father would have serious arguments and quarrels with the mother – which emotionally, psychologically, and even physically hurt the mother and even the children. Being lost of control, any person drunk will certainly hurt people and embitter personal relationships. With this problem, pain and remorse fills a child’s life, and are likely to be carried out for many years. In fact, having family problems associated with alcoholism mostly continues from generation to generation. One would really take big actions to deal with it and break the cycle.
Woititz explained that painful experiences of a child in the past with alcoholic parent(s) affect the child’s personal development until adulthood. In giving a list of traits, she purposely leads the readers [adult children of alcoholics] to have an understanding of why they react the way they do and of the reasons for their behaviors – which they have never been able to understand (1990). Adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) guess at what normal is. As they live on their everyday lives, they live up with fantasies. They become unable to clearly discern that which is good and healthy. ACOAs have difficulty performing tasks from beginning to end. They find it near to impossibility to complete and accomplish tasks. AOCAs tend to lie rather than speak what it true. They bring judgments to themselves without mercy; they take themselves very seriously that they even find it difficult to have fun and enjoy things around. Other traits become characteristic of them such as being overacting, being unable to form intimate relationships, having negative feelings about themselves, being impulsive, and so on. Of course, all of this may not be true to some ACOAs. Nevertheless, the point of this is that when decisions and lifestyles parents are not good, their children are often the ones that suffer much from its consequences. Alcoholic parents may feel that they are able to fulfill their desires and satisfy their vices/addictions. But this truth calls upon them to realize that they are as capable to destroy the lives of their children as to guide their children by modeling the right way of living.
In light of this, Woititz was right in pointing the main issue to the children themselves. Indeed, parents are primarily responsible for what negatively happens to their children due to alcoholism. Nevertheless, ACOAs themselves are capable of breaking the cycle of such problematic family environment. Woititz suggest that in dealing with the issue, every family member – particularly the child – should seek practical and concrete solutions to deal with the problem. For instance, Woititz suggest that in having fantasies, ACOAs simply make their “lives extremely difficult” (1990, p.98). Having an ideal life is simply taking oneself out of reality. Being unable to attain to that ideal, life just becomes miserable. This is also applicable for a person whose spouse is often drunk with alcohol.
Instead of perceiving, contemplating on and grieving with the painful effects of having a parent or spouse who always get drunk, affected family members should resort to solutions. Addressing the issue by making practical solutions is what opens the door of hope for change.
References
Woititz, J. (1990). Adult children of alcoholics. FL: Health Communications, Inc.
