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Introduction. How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie, is a book that has really stood the test of time. Initially written in the year 1936, the revised edition that is under review here is from 1981, copyrighted by Donna Carnegie (Mrs. Dale Carnegie). The book belongs to the genre of Self Improvement and talks about the basic principles that need to be followed to understand people that we deal with in our daily lives and excel in winning them. It is a book that educates people on becoming better human beings, speakers; become more likeable and influence others to our way of thinking without being aggressive, argumentative or rude. The book is published by Simon and Schuster, Rockefeller Center, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020 and bears the ISBN code O-671-42517-X.
Purpose. The book is meant for a cross section of audiences. The book is useful to family members, businessmen, sportsmen, celebrities and politicians, alike. In fact, the book addresses many ideas that help people interact and work with others. For instance, as a salesman, it will help one understand customers better and deal with complaints better. As a leader in politics it will help in increasing popularity and make them more likeable. Even for relationships within family members, the book can act as a guide to strengthen bonds, by practicing basic courtesies and making people want to do what you want. In the corporate world and workplaces, it will help in building collaborative relationships with co-workers and bring harmony. It is written in a very matter of fact, informal manner and it provides many stories and examples from the life experiences of many renowned corporate leaders, salesmen, presidents, generals, common individuals and so on. The Table of Contents relates to the benefits that the reader will get, once the ideas in the book are understood and practiced in real life.
Theme. The theme of the book is about inculcating and practicing new behaviors to help understand people and also to make them agree to our view. The book brings to life many of the mistakes and misconceptions we have in dealing effectively with other people. It is a self improvement book which motivates by providing key examples in supporting the core idea – on how to manage other people effectively. The book is quite forceful and provides new thoughts and ideas around human behavior and ways to be looked upon as empathetic, encouraging and motivating. Title: How to Win Friends and Influence People, General Subject Matter: Human Behavior and Leadership, Theme: Ideas to help understand people and manage effectively
Thesis statement. Active listening, to understand customer pain points will help in formulating marketing and messaging strategy. It can help innovate on new products, make design and process changes and help grow business.
Critique. The book is a descriptive and argumentative analysis of some of the wrongly held perceptions on human behavior and the ways to address them in a positive way. The author cogently describes these ideas one after the other in an orderly fashion, as he unveils the core thoughts and insights. Many of the ideas in the book, though not new or unheard of, are described in a very interesting way with clear descriptions, supporting insights and tries to convince the reader of the advantages that can be derived, by the effective use of these principles. The book begins with a quote from John D. Rockefeller who said “the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee.” “And I will pay more for
that ability, than for any other under the sun” (Carnegie, 1981). The author contends that though these ideas are often quoted and practiced by many eminent men and women, there was no attempt to bring all these ideas together and make it into one coherent whole, to educate people on the merits of effective people management. The ideas and theories are supposed to be not just that, but practical day-to-day advice on how to deal with people. The author describes his ideas succinctly, giving them a situational context and then providing real life examples of how other eminent people have dealt with these situations with remarkable results. In one of the chapters, the book talks about the idea of the futility of criticism and reveals that criticism does not lead to any lasting change, but to more resentment. It cites the story of George B. Johnston of Enid, Oklahoma, a safety coordinator for an engineering company, who wanted his workers to wear hard hats. He initially “forced them to wear the hard hats and spoke with authority” (Carnegie, 1981). The workers never complied. However, he changed his stance later and asked spoke to them about their problems with the hard hats and convinced them that it is for their protection. The softer approach worked (Carnegie, 1981). Another principle the author quotes is to not judge others. In an example, quoting the former President Abraham Lincoln, who said, “Judge not, that ye be not judged”; he narrates a story of how Lincoln was furious with General Meade for not obeying his orders during the battle of Gettysburg. Lincoln wrote a very strong letter which expressed his disappointment but never sent it to General Meade. According to Carnegie (1981), when dealing with people, it is important to realize that human beings are “creatures of emotion, with prejudices; motivated by pride and vanity, and not creatures of logic”. The next chapter talks about making people want to do things. This is really relevant in the area of Marketing. Messaging and communication strategies need to work along the lines of what consumers want to do. No new product flies off the shelf, without the consumer understanding its use and how it will benefit them. Therefore advertising has to be used to communicate the need and how the product or service satisfies that need. The author quotes Owen Young a noted lawyer who said, “People who can put themselves in the place of other people who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them (Carnegie, 1981)” William Winter once remarked that "self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.” So we need to arouse people’s enthusiasm to make them want to do it. This is also evidenced by campaigns and efforts in cause related marketing, where messaging is used to arouse emotions and enthusiasm to take action. Another idea that is raised is to nourish people’s self esteem and appreciate their work sincerely. While the author attempts to bring home this point through examples like that of J.D Rockefeller, who instead of criticizing Edward Bedford for losing a million dollars in a bad buy, praised him for saving 60% of the money invested. Again, this approach was probably the right one to help motivate and nourish the self esteem of Mr. Bedford, but in today’s scenario, where every CEO is accountable to his directors, employees and shareholders, one wonders whether such a concept can work in reality in today’s world. One more core idea expressed in the book is about empathy – putting oneself in other people’s shoes. One good example is a quote from Henry Ford who said, “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own (Carnegie, 1981).” In another instance the book talks about the importance of being genuinely interested in others and smile at people we meet. Carnegie, quotes many examples of how using these simple ideas have helped people like Theodore Roosevelt who was adored by even his servants. Another idea professed by the book revolves around the benefits of remembering names. It quotes many examples of how that is a very important trait that needs to be embraced if we need to be liked by people. It describes instances when President Roosevelt went out of his way to address people by their names. This is important in Marketing where personalized communication leads to better results. Expressing yourself with a smile is one way for people to like you. According to the author, “happiness does not depend on outward conditions, but on inner conditions” (Carnegie, 1981). This is relevant to marketing too, since happy ads are often more effective than those with other forms of emotions. Two other ideas expressed by the author are about the ability to listen to other people and being aware and putting others’ interest before ours. The author cites the examples of Charles Eliot, former Harvard President, who opined that “listening is important for a business meeting and it is not silence but a form of activity” (Carnegie, 1981). According to the author, making people feel important is another key way for people to like someone. Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire said, “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours (Carnegie, 1981).” This is true in the marketing world – because most successful strategies bear fruit if the marketer has talked to customers and listened intently during qualitative research. Another idea that the author expresses is about avoiding arguments. He quotes Ben Franklin, who mentioned, “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will (Carnegie, 1981).” This is also critical for marketing since we should treat customers as kings (and queens) and an argument loses the loyalty of the customer forever. The next advice from the author is to not prove others wrong. That is a sure way to make enemies. “As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so”. This is really important and the author gives many examples to prove this point. Another advice that the author provides is to admit mistakes when necessary. "By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.” This is very important advice to marketers too. Brands often face the wrath of consumers due to quality defects and other challenges. In such situations of crisis management and communications, it is important to admit the mistake and proceed. Consumers are more forgiving in such cases. Making friends out of enemies and practicing the Yes Yes approach are 2 other insights that the author professes. He quotes Lincoln who said, “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” The Yes Yes approach also refers to talking to people to get a Yes response. This is very helpful in Sales since the technique can help customers see your point of view and be favorable to the products you are selling. The author also quotes a Chinese proverb – “He who treads softly goes far.” The next approach the author speaks about is to let others talk. This chapter deals with ways in which complaints can be handled. It also helps in understanding customers better. Getting others’ cooperation is another important aspect of human interactions. The author quotes many examples, one being, Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg who commented: "Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.” The next idea and insight provided by the author is to be sympathetic to others ideas. He quotes the story of a young girl who had beautiful long fingernails and how her teacher sued sympathy to force the girl to trim her nails. Another idea the author writes about is to dramatize the truth. Dramatization works well even in product marketing. Many ads do show the dramatized effects of a stain remover or an instant beautification lotion. The next chapter deals with the idea of challenging people to excel. This is critical in organizational behavior and motivation. Giving people new challenges will help them double their effort and produce more. He quotes an example of Charles Schwab, who used to visit the factory floor and write the production number with a chalk on the floor. This told the under-performing workers that they needed to produce more. The author also quotes many examples on the art of criticism and opines that beginning with praise and then criticizing often helps. This is evident in common HR performance review practices where managers are taught to praise the employee and then get into a discussion on areas of improvement. The author also contends that talking about one’s own mistakes first and helping protect others’ reputation are two other aspects which are critical in managing relationships.
Conclusion. The author has expressed his views on ideas that come across as simplistic but are often ignored in our day-to-day life. He has managed to bring these ideas to the forefront and tried to convince people by quoting relevant examples. The ideas, though fundamental, need to be set in the context of life, as we experience it today. Broadening the scope and vision of these ideas would be necessary in today’s context. For instance, birthday reminders through social media are common and are an essential tool to social etiquette in today’s world (Brenoff, 2012). Social media has changed the way we ‘smile’. Our interactions are on social platforms and use of smiley’s and emoticons/emojis are common in communication (Seiter, 2015). Similarly the other ideas expressed in the book relate more to the 1930s and the narrative is sometimes not relevant to how the world operates today.
References
Brenoff, A. (2012). Facebook Birthday Wishes Are An Important Social Tradition. The
Huffington Post. Retrieved from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/facebook- birthday-wishes_b_1235564.html?section=india
Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win Friends and Influence People. New York, NY: Simon
and Schuster.
Seiter, A. (2015). 7 Reasons to Use Emoticons in Your Writing and Social Media,
According to Science. buffersocial. Retrieved from:
https://blog.bufferapp.com/7-reasons-use-emoticons-writing-social-media-according-
science
