Adultery and divorce are the factors that require great consideration because they affect the lives of most of people. In the cases of the adultery and divorce the counselor plays a significant role. Proper guidance by the counselor can help in saving the relations and lives of many individuals. In this paper, the counseling options and effective addressing of the situation involving adultery and divorce cases are discussed in detail from a counselor point of view.
In an adulterous relation, people loss their family, job, dignity, trust, self respect, relationship with families and God. The commitment and the loyalty of spouse that is having an affair are questioned. In this situation, instead of blaming anyone, it is necessary that the counseling of the couple is done in an appropriate manner. This is because it is a natural process that the opposite sexes attract each other, so if either the husband or wife is attracted towards someone else they should not be subjected to the mal-treatment. They should be guided in a proper manner, their emotions and mental condition should be considered, they should be told about their responsibilities, and given sometime so that they can understand each other and arrive at a final conclusion. Sometimes giving an adequate amount of time results in positive consequences, in a way that the partners create awareness about the missing aspects of their life and they also start working on these so that they become capable of spending a happy life with each other.
Moreover, in the starting days of the affairs, the association and relationship between people is non-threatening and harmless, but this relationship gets stronger with the passage of time, so proper counseling at that time can help in the prevention of the affair. Being a counselor, I would address this situation by advising both the partners to adopt patience, they should try to rebuild commitment, love, and trust, they should or the partner that is involved in the adultery should try to avoid spending the time with opposite sex individuals, they should try to act only on the feelings of attraction of spouse, and should refuse to the feeling of attraction, they should also avoid sharing the details of problems associated with marriage with the member of the opposite sex.
The spouse should be considered as the top priority, the problems and concerns should be discussed, both husband and wife should work together in order to solve these problems and concerns. The attitude towards marriage should be changed. Too much exposure to the outside environment and influence should be avoided; particularly the parties and events where drinking and smoking etc., are involved that promotes infidelity. Trust, acceptance, and respect should be developed in a relationship, husband should trust and love his wife, and wife should also trust and love her husband, because love increases in the relationship that has respect, love, and acceptance.
Further, they should not adopt the option of demanding the divorce, every relationship needs a time, time is required for building a relationship and also time is required for terminating a relationship. Moreover, God hates divorce; He has scolded Israelites for divorce, considered divorce as sin, and ordered to remain loyal with the wives (Kruis, 2001). Such decisions are taken after considering many several aspects, the responsibilities, and the commitments should be considered before taking any serious step. This is because it is the responsibility of a good husband to serve his wife, and give her freedom to exercise all of her rights; the wife is also responsible for for fulfilling all her duties towards her husband.
Being a counselor it is my duty that I should tell people to live their lives according to the teachings of God, and apply the words of God in their life. An individual while committing sin should consider and ask from himself whether he is doing right or wrong, because if idolatry and fearing of God is present in his/her hear, he/she will get the answer. Additionally, idolatry is present in the heart of every every individual associated with besetting sin, which helps him/her in revealing the idols of life, understanding the deceitfulness of the sins, and getting real happiness in the life (Fitzpatrick, 2001). I would consider all the aspects and facts regarding their married life, and if there is no big issue then I would try to convince them to adopt a positive attitude in their life, and leading a life according to the teachings of God, will help them to get rid of all the problems that they are facing.
Further, after finding that male is involved in adultery, I would try to convince him to leave the adultery as it is a sin and explain the facts from the Holy verses. For example, adulters will not go to heaven. Those who deceive, have immoral sexual relationships, drunkards, swindlers, and slanders will remain deprive of the Kingdom of God (Kruis, 2001). Further, I would advice that males should take every step with great care because even their lustful look at women is considered as adultery. They should be aware of the seductive women because they distract men from the path of remaining faithful with their wives.
Married couple should not decide to remain far apart from each other, the betrayed spouse should remain patient so that the matter can be sort out in an effective manner, because it is quite possible that the person who is betraying does not want to leave, and the betrayed person because of his/her anger may lose his/her partner. It is believed in Christianity that after marriage, man and woman become one, they do not remain two (Edwards & Edwards, 2009).
However, separation is not an honorable and reasonable option in the relation where commitment and high values are involved, because it would become a matter of the whole life, not just a matter of few minutes. The decision taken in anger may lead to ruin all the remaining life, so such such matters should be solved with calm mind. Further, being a counselor I would not adopt any frustrated and harsh attitude towards people, even towards those that are involved in adultery because most of the religions including Christianity have focused on adopting humble attitude towards other, even with the criminals. But, people should be told clearly about the moral and ethical boundaries that are suggested by the God for every individual so that he/she remains protected from the sins.
They should try to protect their relation because relationships are considered as the power entities, and in the case of the marriage two people are linked spiritually and physically. Husband and wife are, however, bound together, till the death, which is the only source of separating boith of them (Kruis, 2001). So, husband and wife should consider weaknesses in their spirit as well as in their physical relations, and these weaknesses should be converted into the strengths so that the enemies should not take advantage of these weaknesses. The weaknesses should be considered on time before it is too late that the relationship came to an end and enemies become successful in their plans. The husband and wife should not take any serious step if they come to know about the unacceptable activities of their spouse. They should sit and discuss the matter; both should give a chance to speak so that both become capable of putting forward their opinion, which make the solution of case easy.
But, if a spouse such as wife considers that he cannot live with her husband anymore then she should do what is best for her. As it is indicated in Scriptures that an unbelieving spouse who wishes to depart, he/she can do it and the believing spouse should seek guidance and counseling (Kruis, 2001. But, if she has child or children then she should also think from the perspective of the future of child. Only self-interest should not be considered. This is, however, true for husband and wife that they should not just consider their own self interest but also take the future, education, and the basic needs of their children who are dependent on them and separation of their parents can also ruin their life. When the married couple is having kids, then getting a divorce due to adultery is simply shortsightedness and selfishness. Though, Jesus has allowed divorce in the case of adultery, but it is not favored by God, so it should be avoided to the maximum possible extent. So, instead of making the situation worse, it should be tried to find the solution so that all the matters can be solved in an effective manner paving the way to the new beginning.
Moreover, being a counselor, I would also care for the souls of people. This is because care of soul paves the way to the support as well as restoration of an individual’s well-being in his/her totality and depth regarding a specific concern for the inner life (Benner, 2003). Caring for soul, however, represents caring for individuals in such ways and methods that not only consider them as individuals but also address and involve them in the profound and deep aspects of their lives associated with the humanity. However, the caring of soul should be considered as a main priority of the psychological and spiritual aspects of the inner world of an individual. Additionally, the care of soul is only possible if an individual maintains a distance from the actions that compel him/her towards sin, he should abstain from the sins such as adultery if he/she wants purity and cleanliness of his/her sin.
Further, being a counselor, I would try to heal, sustain, reconcile, and guide people associated with the case of adultery and divorce so that caring of their souls can be ensured, and the relation between the couple can be maintained. Healing comprises of the efforts aimed at overcoming impairment and moving towards the wholeness. However, in this regard spiritual as well as physical healing can be considered, but the emphasis is on the complete person, holy and whole.
Sustainability indicates the acts of caring that are designed in order to assist an individual who is hurt, so that he/she can endure the situation where convalescence and restoration is improbable or impossible. Reconciliation, however, indicates the efforts that are done for re-establishing the broken relationships. This method of is a representation of individual as well as communal soul care (Benner, 2003).
Moreover, being an Christian counselor, I would try to make several concepts clear to the married couple who are opting divorce because of the adultery. I would made this fact that God has allowed the maintenance of the sexual relations just with wife, and also wife should mainatin sexual relations just with her husband. Maintenance of the sexual relations with other males and females instead of maintaining with the husband and wife is not acceptable as it is included in adultery and adultery is a sin. Dillow and Pintus (2009) emphasized that if women follow the rules and regulations designed by God and the teachings of Scripture then they can become capable of spending their married lives according to the design and pattern of life suggested by God.
Further, the psychological insights of people should be considered, because consideration of the psychological insights paves the way to a successful and healthy life. The important psychological aspects represented by Jesus Christ that should be considered include the call to to the action, self-mastery, and power of relation (Bruno, 2000). In order to solve the cases of great importance such as divorce and adultery the self mastery of an individual at the collective and individual level should be analyzed so that his achievements in fulfilling the real aim can be considered, and by considering them an appropriate decision can be made.
Moreover, an individual should be taught about the call to action in which Jesus has emphasized on love; he has suggested people to love one another in the same manner as he has loved people, so that by love people become able to represent that they are disciples of Jesus Christ. Further, Christ has also taught about getting rid of every bad behavior so that people are considered as pious. Further, Jesus has also emphasized the new doors open for those who remain thoughtful, free from sin, and polite. I would explain the married couple that becomes victim of adultery and divorce that Jesus had taught a life of love and forgiveness, so they should just adopt the principles taught by Jesus, adopt love and forgiveness as a part of their life in order to spend a life of satisfaction and contentment. But, this does not mean that one partner remains involve in the unethical acts such as adultery and other partner continues to forgive him/her.
Bad and unethical behaviors are not acceptable in any manner; every individual should stay away from them. But, if someone commits such acts unintentionally and agrees to avoid such acts in the future, then there are chances for forgiveness, permanent conduction of the unethical practices that are not permitted in the religion are not tolerable in any way and the individual not ready to leave such activities should be punished.
Moreover, I would also facilitate mediation; this is because both the partners get a chance to say whatever they want to say. Mediation provides an opportunity to both the parties to talk and present their views in a safe environment and consider the difficulties and practicalities that emerge because of the separation. The session may last for an hour, depending on the complexity of the issues and the relations between husband and wife.
Mediation help both men and women to put forward their opinion, they are heard by others, they can express their feeling without any argument. The mediator will, however, explain the legal principles in the light of the religious teachings, and try to identify and explore various options for both of them. The major objective of mediation is to strengthen communication between the parties and helping them in making their own informed and well-versed decisions. However, proper counseling is necessary in the case of adultery and divorce because adulterous behaviors result in the fear, sickening of the heart, and intolerable agony.
The couples have to face challenges in the real life in case they opt divorce and separate life. But, they can remain protected from these challenges if they consider love and think about starting new life in a new manner with their life partner. The counseling protect people from the destruction, they face less destructive effects because proper counseling helps the couple in making suitable decision that is best for both of them.
But, it is also a fact that adultery can be painful sometimes for the couple, but breaking up and divorce is not the answer to the problem. This is because there is some love and emotional attachment between the husband and wife that is still present. Though deception and betray lead shatter the trust but proper counseling, guidance, and explaining the facts can help a couple to think once again about their relationship and before seeking divorce. Moreover, the effects of adultery can be overcome by a committed love based on no divorce, which facilitates people to continue their work in order to grow their real and healthy love.
In a nutshell people should avoid the bad behaviors are forbidden practices such as adultery that can pave the way to divorce, which is also a sin. In case an individual has committed adultery he should seek proper guidance and counseling so that his/her married life can be protected. It is the duty of a counselor to consider religious principles while describing the facts to the married couple. The couple should be explained about the teachings of God regarding the adoption of the activities that lead to sin, and the suggested punishment should also be described so that they think before committing and associating with the sinister acts. However, husband and wife should give a chance to each other and try to develop love, cooperation, and loyalty so that such evil practices can be avoided in the future. Patience should be adopted in such cases, the counselors, the adulterous, and the one who is betrayed should remain patient so that the case can be solved in an effectual manner leading to positive consequences in which sin like divorce can be avoided. The couple should try themselves to avoid divorce because it is not the real solution of any problem it is just a sin that lead to several other problems.
References
Benner, david G. (2003). Strategic Pastoral Counseling: A Short-Term Structured Model. Baker Publishing Group, Michigan
Bruno, Thomas A. (2000). Jesus, Ph.D. Psychologist. Bridge-Logos Foundation, Florida
Edwards, Brain H., & Edwards, Barbara. (2009). No Longer Two: A Christian Guide for Engagement and Marriage. Day One Publications, Herefordshire
Fitzpatrick, E. (2001). Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone. Presbyterian & Reformed Publishing Company, Kentucky
Kruis, John G. (2001). Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling. Baker Publishing Group, Michigan
