There have been conducted numerous studies on fantasies experienced by men and women. The human mind can be named sexually dimorphic, that supposes that we consciously realize the difference between “man” and “women” fantasies. Thus, Balbus (2002) and Chodorow (1991) discuss the ideas that women and men have different types of fantasies. Balbus` work “masculinity and the (M)other” reveals the mothering theory that seems to explain how that come that females are more likely to suffer from the narcissism of the “ideal object” or to defend against the anxiety of separation from the mother that can be called fantasies of “ecstatic union” (Balbus, 2002, p.216). Balbus came out with the result that all for grandiose narcissists were men and seventeen out of twenty four idealizing narcissists were women (Balbus, 2002, p.219). Men are likely to be self-esteemed by the women while females more often esteem men. Balbus` strong beliefs in difference between male and female narcissism influence the different fantasies between men and women. Thus, the narcissistically idealizing man tends to find the safest connections and his need for others takes the shape of a need to be taken care of him. However, Balbus emphasizes the necessary role of the father too. A friendly father is necessary for the internalization of material tendencies into a male individuality. In the real life men from this point of view, men try to pursue higher career positions while women seek men with higher positions. It is always understandable that there are the solidarities across different male and across different female and the construction accounts for the inequalities in each gender. Thus, a lot of men seek women who have status in their lives and who are successful and women sometimes find better to take care of men who are not trying to pursue good status.
In Chodorow’s evaluation, if the father become more apparent and take bigger role in family life, the emotional attitudes within man and women would get off (Chodorow, 1991, p.75). Especially interesting is that men, attempt to deny their needs for love and become intolerant of
those who can express the need for love. The author feels that women have richer inner lives than men because women have supported a close regognition with their mothers. Chodorow states that women fall in love less romantically than men because the affective side of their natures has not been restrained. This becomes the basis for men aggression against women. It is obviously that more aggression in the family comes from the man. This happens not only because stronger physical health of the man, but because of the way of upbringing from the very childhood. Chodorow reflects the difficulty in finding a persuasive solution for the strong male anger, fear and indignation of women and bellicosity against them. The same is the core on the ways in which society spots value on female for “being” while men are estimated for “activity.” In society the woman is accepted as an object while the male is accepted as a subject. It can be agreed with the author, that woman development is more complex than man development owing to the female’s durable recognition with her mother. In many societies, women become determined by their bonds to others yet endorse a sense of identity as women. Chodorow suggests that women’s romanticism is an emotive and ideologic cover for their dependence of economical issues (Chodorow, 1991, p.74). For example, the reason for women starting divorce increasingly nowadays is due to the income available to them, to decline striking men jobs as much as women jobs, and to the feminist movement expeling the disgrace of divorce. Judging by Balbus` (2002) and Chodorow`s (1991) views, one can come up with the opinion that women and men can be related to absolutely different fantasies which are forming during their upbringing, social relationships and other life factors. Thus Balbus (2002) explain the narcissism between men and women. However it cannot be taken for 100 per cent, because the role of father is absolutely necessary. Chodorow (1991) is proceeding the opinion about upbringing and in her views there are different explanations on why, for example, women are more romantic than man and why men are accepted with physical strength and aggressive manner.
References
Balbus, Isaac D. (2002). Masculinity and the (M)Other: Toward a Synthesis of Feminist Mothering Theory and Psychoanalytic Theories of Narcissism. Masculinity Studies and Feminist Theory. Ed. Judith Kegan Gardiner. New York: Columbia University Press, 210- 234.
Chodorow, Nancy. (1991). Feminism And Psychoanalytic Theory. New Haven, Yale University Press.
