Children of divorcing parents often bear the burden of emotional and mental stress regardless if both parents try to make things lighter for the child. Sometimes, kids feel guilty about the situation, thinking that maybe they have caused their parents to separate in the first place. One thing that adults must consider in the face of a divorce is that the effects of divorce on children depends largely on a child's relationship with the parents and what the child witnessed before and during the actual separation. For instance, a child who has very good relations with both parents will feel emotionally devastated because of the impending changes within the family. The same thing when a child witnesses the fights between the parents, which could also result to breakdowns in the child's relationship with others and future relationships.
How Divorce Affects Children
Emotional and Behavioral Problems
Children typically develop emotional and behavioral issues especially after witnessing their parents undergo a divorce. As such, they begin to act indifferently, experience adjustment issues even in the presence of children their own age, have abandonment issues that could manifest even on their future relationships, and have tendencies to stay aloof and unfriendly. For some children, they begin to lose focus on their studies and even on hobbies that used to be of interest to them.
There are also instances when children of divorced parents become commitment-phobic – such that they cannot hold on to relationships nor have trouble maintaining one. The problem with this is these kids either could become too clingy in their future relationships or would move from one relationship to another.
In addition, it has been observed that the way boys and girls react towards their parents' divorce also varies. Boys display behaviors that are more aggressive and have certain "edginess" in them, whereas girls may become withdrawn, but resort to look for sexual relations in the hope of finding acceptance and a sense of belongingness.
Shock and Fear
Regardless of the child's age, witnessing how a once stable union breaks up can be a traumatic experience. Feelings of guilt, fear, and shock follow after everything has sunk in already. Because children are still too dependent on their parents for everything, trauma is much higher on them.
Illnesses and Imagined Pain
Aside from the emotional baggage that is common in children of divorced parents, their emotional pains also manifest through varied kinds of illnesses such as headaches, decreased immunity, and asthma. For some kids, trauma manifests through a child's inability to speak or a noticeable sudden speech impairment especially when the child was born without any speech defects.
Financial Issues
If a child is used to living a life of luxury, the possibility of having to give up opulence is not a remote idea, considering that from a two-income household, income could come from one source only. In addition, other aspects of life that has to do with money – education, food, vacations, and other similar needs may also be compromised.
Inadequate Time with Kids
Considering the many changes that happen after a divorce, it is only natural that the single parent will find a job while trying to maintain the house, raise the kids, and attend school activities. Because of this situation, the children may suddenly feel alone and left out – further adding to the emotional stress the child is already experiencing.
Adjustment Issues
If any of the parents enter into another relationship, kids may find it difficult to accept and understand the concept of "stepparents". Likewise, this could even trigger feelings of resentment and anger towards both parents and even the stepparent. If the child has a temper or easily experiences mood swings, the more difficult it is for the single parent to manage the child's demands. In such cases, it is advisable to establish a routine, whereby, the "missing" parent is allowed visitation rights with the child.
Coping with divorce is not easy. In fact, children have different ways of dealing with the situation. Even if a child shows some level of strength, there are long-term effects of divorce that children have to deal with including suffering from drug or alcohol addictions and faring miserably at school. As a result, parents must be extra sensitive to their children's feelings and reactions. Talking to them and assuring them that the love of both parents will not change can help evade the feelings of loss and insecurity.
