The essay “McDonald’s Environmental Commercial” is a captivating essay that criticizes the environmental commercial by the McDonalds Company. The introduction clearly explains the rationale of the advert. After the introduction is a brief paragraph that explains the advert, then the writer develops an argument from the advert in the other paragraphs. The essay exposes the hypocrisy in the commercial whereby McDonalds display themselves as champions of conservation. The organization of the essay enables the reader understand the arguments for the writer even if he has not seen the advert himself. The writer is satirical in his explanations and uses vivid descriptions of the advertisements in his arguments. He even draws an example from his personal life to support his argument against the McDonalds commercial. The essay has a brief conclusion that states the position of the writer in the McDonalds advertisement.
The essay has a great introduction. However, the introduction fails to have a concrete thesis statement. The last three sentences if the introduction paragraph fails to state the position of the writer on the advertisement. The writer should use a brief and direct statement to summarize the opinion that he develops in the essay. In the third paragraph, the writer fails to show ways in which McDonalds pollute the environment. The writer focuses on the nutritional value of their products and fails to show their relationship to the environment. The writer could develop an argument of how poor nutrition in their products eventually harms the environment. The conclusion paragraph is short and fails to summarize the arguments in the essay effectively. The writer should lengthen the conclusion and ensure that it contains a brief summary and a decisive statement of the arguments in the essay. Generally, the essay is direct and easy for all readers to understand.
Works cited:
Breuch, Lee. Virtual peer review teaching and learning about writing in online environments. Albany: State University of New York Press, 2004. Print.
