Sexual addiction is one of causes of moral corruption among the people in our society today. The issue on this addiction is so broad that it could be seen in many forms: pornography, adultery, and more. Nevertheless, no matter what kind of form it could be, this problem is very serious with regards to its effect upon both men and women in the context of both the family and the society. If one would look at the statistics on how many people use the internet for pornography every day or on how many people turn their marriages into a ‘shipwreck’ simply because of adultery, the number is absolutely great. Now this paper is intended to make a discussion on sexual addiction, particularly its causes, its effects, and what should be done to deal with it. This discussion is inspired by a personal experience, wherein I have realized that my husband has been making affairs outside our marriage. And upon careful research and deep examination of the issue, I lay out in this paper the reality that lies deep within sexual addiction and also my conclusion on what should really be done in response to this issue.
First and foremost, it should clear to everyone that sex is good. It is, by nature, a part of being a person. Thus, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging one’s own sexuality – being a male and a female. And this also points out that having a sexual desire with a person of the opposite sex, especially with a person married to you, is not bad by itself. However, the issue here is sexual addiction. The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health holds that any person who engages in persistent sexual behavior and activity without any consideration of the negative consequences upon himself and others is considered a sex addict (Ley n. pag.). It refers to any sexual response done by an individual outside the ‘natural’ context of human sexuality. And according to Herkov (n. pag.), sexual addiction is a form of continual intimacy disorder, which is characterized by compulsive sexual fantasies and actions (Herkov, n. pag.). So in general, sexual addiction has something to do with the entire individual from within – which is the human mind – up to the outside being – which is the outward expression/application of such thought(s) conceived in the human mind. Overt sexual addiction can be in the form of exhibitionism, voyeurism, child molestation, or even rape. And we can always see that these things are greatly evident in the public. Particularly rape, a number of crimes can be distinguished with it. For instance, there are many records of many employers or bosses who use their authority to force their female workers to become their sexual satisfaction. Moreover, there are also many accounts of fathers who treat their daughters – especially those who are entering their puberty stage – in a way that is unbecoming for fathers. They commit child molestation. On the one hand, covert sexual addiction refers to the [unbecoming] thoughts of an individual when it comes to sexuality. This happens, for instance, when a person – upon seeing a large tarpaulin portraying a woman wearing a particular dress – thinks of having sex with that person. Another, this form is present when a person has in him or herself an excessive sexual desire towards other people – even those whom they do not know at all. For instance, a man could be sexually exhilarated when he gains even a simple physical contact with a woman. In this way, he gets easily drawn sexually towards that person, though he doesn’t know her at all. When this kind of thoughts ‘grow into maturity’ they show themselves as overt behaviors. As Robert Weiss (n. pag.) says, sexual addiction is being preoccupied with sexual fantasy in the mind, “often in combination with the obsessive pursuit of casual or non-intimate sex and pornography”. And what we must understand in these things is that sexual addiction is a process. At first, an individual may see himself having inner sexual thoughts and desires even outside marriage. Soon, he will lust for a more pleasurable means of that sex [outside marriage] and he will go into pornography. And sooner or later, if he still continues on that pattern of sexual thoughts and pornography, he will certainly find a more pleasurable means, which is the commission of sexual intercourse.
As mentioned earlier, sexual addiction is recognized today as one major social problem, which has similarities with the issue on drug and alcohol addiction (Ewald n. pag). Now we must go to how this particular thing destroys families and society. We have now understood that when a person continues even in the pattern of merely having sexual thoughts [outside marriage] and engaging into pornography, commission of sex itself will be the next to take place. Thus, we must discuss the problem upon the family and the society with commission of sex [outside marriage] itself in our minds. Now take for instance child molestation in the context of the family. When a father commits sex with a child – who is most likely his daughter – and she becomes pregnant, problems will occur. First, it will bring shame to the family. Everybody accepts pregnancy in a relationship of a married couple, not of a father and his daughter. Second, it will surely bring emotional despair upon the wife of the man, and even upon the daughter. In fact, having the daughter get pregnant and eventually have a child at a young age will greatly affect her life negatively. And we all know that. This, therefore, becomes the breaking/ruining point of the family. Another effect of sexual addiction is in the context of society. When a man who is a sexual addict commits sex with a woman, who is unwilling to have it so, only two things will surely happen: rape or death rape. Of course, death rape is eventually a problem. But there is also a great problem in rape especially when it results into unwanted pregnancy. If the woman is unmarried, no one will be expected to take care of her during her pregnancy. Today, the number of broken families, wherein the children are left behind without having complete parents or at least a father responsible for them, is increasing. And this is another social problem. Who then, will take care of the child that is to be born without the father? Such child is one of those who are more likely to grow without much wisdom, discipline, and virtue in life. Moreover, what would happen to the psychological and emotional state of the woman who got raped? In fact, many are said to commit suicide when they experience this thing. Lastly, there is another problem with sexual addiction, particularly in having multiple relationships. The problem here is evident through AIDS. And this greatly affects the person who has it and those whom he/she had sex with, and if this spreads serious health hazard will be upon the community. Therefore, with these examples, we can say that sexual addiction truly destroys families and societies.
Now psychology presents certain strategies that will free a person from being a sex addict. First, there should be a cognitive-behavior therapy. This suggests that the addict should find ways to redirect his/her thoughts into things other than sex. Second, there must be a group therapy. This suggests that the addict should work out with a group in order to see that such problem is not a unique one. In this way, they will altogether have the means to learn from each other’s experiences and even to have encouragement from one another. Lastly, psychology suggests that sex addicts should engage into medication – particularly in taking antidepressants. Research claims that such medication can help reduce any sexual obsessions. But these seem to be inadequate in some points. Taking the cognitive-behavior therapy may redirect your thoughts away from sex, but no one can put him/herself away from the things related to sex – especially in marriage. What talking to other sex addicts could do if they do not even know what lies deep in this matter? What could taking antidepressants benefit the addict if even his sexual arousal with his wife will be lost as well? As we all know, sex within marriage is not bad. Thus, all that I believe matters is the mentality of the person.
Sexual addiction is a form of insanity which begins with the delusional thought processes cultivated deep in the addict’s belief system (Carnes 15). Thus, what we should know is why people – especially the men – indulge themselves into sex outside marriage. First, sex outside marriage is accessible and easy. For instance, pornography doesn’t allow a man to work out the relationship with the woman in the pornographic video. Moreover, a man will only need enough money to enter night clubs and be entertained by the women there. Relationships involve work (Gilkerson, n. pag.). For instance, marriage requires them to work out their relationship when conflicts arise. But sex outside marriage is very accessible without much work. Second, ‘unbecoming’ sex is comfortable but marriage is stressful. In pornography or in night clubs, life seems to go all well. There are no conflicts since you get what you want the easy. Third, men feel ‘unbecoming’ sex as more exciting, since having been used to with their wives they already get bored. They think that having a variety of women makes their sex life more colorful and thrilling than having just one. Fourth, ‘unbecoming’ sex makes men feel more powerful since the women in their sexual fantasies, pornography, and night club never say no to them. In fantasies and in pornography, for instance, men can (though their minds) make the woman do whatever they want the woman to do that will satisfy their sexual appetite.
Nevertheless, sex addicts should realize that such things are not the reality. ‘Unbecoming’ sex may be gained easily but it will only provide temporary satisfaction. After the pornographic video or after getting out of the night club, problems in life still haven’t gone. Women in sexual fantasies and in pornography are not real; they are mere thoughts. In fact, they are nothing but for sex purposes alone. Unlike them, a wife can be everything to a man. She can be a supporter, a counselor, an inspirer, a helpmate, a financer, and so on. Furthermore, ‘unbecoming’ is only temporal. Women in night clubs will just be there only for sex, but when a man faces various problems they couldn’t help at all. In marriage, there is faithfulness. Sexual relationship becomes a freedom and a joy because both the wife and the husband are under life-time accountability and commitment to each other. And that’s what makes sexuality within marriage satisfying unlike in any other places and with any other person. This should be the mentality of men.
Psychology may define sexual addiction as this and that. But what really matters in this issue is the mind and heart of the person. Indeed, everyone has the tendency to indulge into sexual addiction; everybody can be and is tempted to do such thing. But what needs to be kept in mind and in heart is the love for the partner. A man may be tempted to go into night clubs to have affairs outside marriage, but if he truly loves his wife he will not do it – even if he is tempted to do so. Nevertheless, the most necessary quality a person dealing with this addiction should have is accountability. And one of doing this is through deep realization of God’s existence. There must be fear of the One who gave us life and also the partners that we have been married to. We are to be accountable to what has been given to us. Having a lifetime partner is one of the greatest gifts any person on earth could have. In fact, many single adults struggle so much with the reality of getting old without getting married. Therefore, what I have learned in this is that in order to deal with sexual addiction is through a changed mentality. The sex addict should realize that he is expected to faithfully love his partner even if many things around compels him to commit that which makes marriages fall.
Works Cited
Carnes, Patrick. Out of the Shadows – Third Edition: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Minnesota: Hazelden. 2001. Print.
Ewald, Roschbeth. Sexual Addiction. AllPsych, 13 May 2003. Web. 9 Dec. 2012. < http://allpsych.com/journal/sexaddiction.html>
Gilkerson, Luke. 4 Reasons Men Like Porn. Biblical Counseling Coalition, 5 Jul. 2012. Web. 9 Dec. 2012. < http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2012/07/05/4-reasons-men-like- porn/>
Herkov, Michael. What is Sexual Addiction? Psych Central, 2006. Web. 9 Dec. 2012. < http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/what-is-sexual-addiction/>
Ley, David. The Myth of Sex Addiction. Maryland: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers. 2012. Print.
Weiss, Robert. Hypersexuality: Symptoms of Sexual Addiction. Psych Central, 2012. Web. 9 Dec. 2012. < http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/hypersexuality-symptoms-of-sexual- addiction/>
