Middle Adulthood Interview
One of the things that have been given much focus is the fact that I have given the participant an assurance of confidentiality of all the information that he is going to disclose. His privacy is going to be respected and that he has a right to answer or not to answer questions projected to him. It is up to my discretion to withhold all the information given because his privacy reigns paramount. It is also very important to establish a good rapport with him because then it will be easy to have a friendly talk and that the client can have trust in me.
I must also establish the facts as well as his feelings as this is very crucial. First, it is about his occupation. He tells me that he is a high school teacher and I implore him to give me more information about when he started working and for how long he has been a teacher. He says he has taught for about fifteen years in various schools in many parts of the country and that he has enjoyed his job as a teacher very much. Wanting to know why he had to move from school to school, he says that he really wanted to keep moving and explore new places as he derives joy from that. He says that his job has been awesome as it gives him satisfaction in the quest to instill skills and knowledge to young people.
Next, I really need to know how he perceives his job as compared to the kind of vision he had when he was younger. Surprisingly, he says that it is fulfilling as this is what he really wanted to do since he was a young boy. His job has been a source of inspiration to him and he has never wanted to look back. When I enquire about what he does for fun, he says he likes playing indoor games more especially table tennis. He says that it has been quite an experience playing it as this she does with his family and friends. He especially likes it when playing with his wife. He says that he does play it as a physical fitness exercise as it rejuvenates him and keeps him physically strong.
However, I think the most interesting part about him is his family. When I enquire about it, he says he has one wife to whom he has been married to for fifteen years and they have a ten year old son together and an adopted daughter who is eight years old. I try to know more about his family and that is when I ask him about marriage and how his idea of family life has changed over time. I feel that the participant has had a fulfilling marriage with a supportive and loving spouse as well as well behaved and hard working children. He says having his family by his side is the best thing that ever happened to him as he loves them so much
I implore the participant to give me any significant event in his life that has changed his life. He says that the arrival of his son ten years ago significantly positively affected his life because together with his son, his wife and he felt that was the greatest achievement of their five year marriage. The arrival of his adopted daughter also made his family happy and fulfilled. I enquire how this has been ever since, he tells me that he has felt like an accomplished man because he now has a reason to wake up early every morning to go out and work as he knows that his family deserves a good life. He sees his family as a strong pillar that has been very supportive of him as a family man and also as a career man.
I seek to understand the background of the participant better and I go ahead and enquire about his friendship patterns and how his friendships have changed over time. He is quick to answer that as a family man, he has always wanted to be friends with like minded people as him. When he was younger and when the responsibilities were few, he had friends who he could go out with, have fun with them for a whole weekend and at times never remembered to go back home till Monday morning when he was needed to report to work. But these days, he says that family responsibilities have forced him to always remember his family before going on to do anything. This is the sole reason why he has chosen to keep those friends that they can discuss matters family with and those who think positively about life. He says that he is very selective in choosing friends and that they are people from different walks of life and that he has acquired them over time.
The participant is also quick to note that these friends are not of the same sex. Most of them are those that he interacts with in all levels of life, from the church, at his workplace and in the neighborhood. He says that to a huge extent he shares the same friends with his wife because he cannot keep a friend who his wife and children are not comfortable with. He insists that his wife is free to make friends with the opposite sex and so he is. Both of them are free to make friends of any nature as long as both remember that they are best friends and all the rest are secondary. This has not jeopardized their marriage in any way. This means that both of them are okay with the kind of friends that they have regardless of their sex.
The participant has never given divorce a thought in his marriage. This is the perception that I am getting. I ask him what he thinks about divorce and he is quick to assert that it is sad that divorce is on the rise but he says that it happens only because spouses are not persistent enough in dealing with their problems. He also quips in that this should be the last resort for any marriage. According to him, he has never given divorce a thought in his marriage and never will and that this is what has kept him going in his marriage. I go on to ask him what the guidelines are for a successful marriage, he says love, affection, respect and trust are the guiding principles that keep marriage alive.
My participant is a very interesting man because he has a very interesting way of tackling problems in his life. I ask him about what he does and funnily enough, he is confident in himself and his wife too in solving problems in their marriage. He is quick to point that there are professional counselors out there but the best counselor for his marital problems is his wife and himself because they are always in the problem alone. When it comes to matters to do with sex, he says sex is only appropriate in marriage and that it should be kept sacred. When he was younger he says sex was a taboo subject but these days, it is an everyday subject that people don’t shy away from. He is saying that his views about sex have also changed with time.
He is surprised at my question about what he would love to change about his marriage. He only says that he wishes it could go back to when he got married so that he can start enjoying it all over again by bringing his wife a rose flower every evening he came back home. It is interesting for a married man to give such an answer. All the same, when I ask him about anything he has learned that he did not know twenty to thirty years ago, he says that he has learned to respect his wife and children and to be faithful and truthful always. I ask him the legacy or teaching that he will give his children when the time comes for them to get married. He tells me respect for a spouse, patience and remaining faithful at all times is the key to a successful marriage. One more question for him, what he would love to tell his spouse in absentia, he says that he will always love her unconditionally despite their differences and that he will forever remain faithful to her.
As I conclude the interview, there are lots of lessons that I have learnt from the participant and the interview itself. Most importantly is the fact that there are values that should be given priority in marriage in order for a marriage to last a lifetime. Some of them include love, trust, patience and faithfulness. I was surprised at how a successful marriage can be a good haven for spouses and children to live in. It is even more rewarding to have a successful marriage as both the children and spouse will love and respect you. I have learnt that if a marriage has to work, it takes effort from all parties.
During the interview, I felt that at some point I was bombarding the participant with a lot of questions. But the good thing is that he was very comfortable with all the questions and answered them truthfully. I also felt like I was getting more enlightened on how to make a marriage work in the wake of divorce rates soaring high up each passing day. Marriage can be fruitful and successful only if somebody chooses to make it so.
Initially, I used to think that marriage was a difficult ordeal that people struggle through. I used to think that marriage was only blissful at the beginning and that the arrival of children made things change. But one very important lesson I have picked is that the blissfulness of marriage can last for as long as the marriage is there with or without children. Before I used to think that love dies with time as it is shifted from spouse to children but now I know better. I have learnt that love can last forever if one chooses to give it room to thrive.
