Communications 525
Essay
Our paper examines the practice of polyamory in modern times. The term was coined as recently as the 1980s but the concept has existed in various forms like polygamy and polyandry for several centuries and in various cultures. At a very basic level it involves a consensual relationship between more than two people. It involves the exchange of love, companionship and passion beyond just sex with the implicit consensus of the parties involved. The paper reviews several aspects of polyamory, namely, society’s perception of such relationships, need fulfillment, establishment of trust and loyalty, importance of acceptance, impact of polyamory on women, and the need to educate people and children on this practice.
Polyamory, simply put, is the practice of many loves or having many lovers. Etymologically, “poly” means many whilst “amory” is related to “amore” or “amor” which is the Latin and Greek word for “love”. It sets itself apart, from extra marital affairs and sexual cheating in committed relationships, by being an open practice. Its practitioners are aware of the other partners and complicit.
The nature of polyamorous relationship means that in the modern world the parties must reject restrictive cultural standards (Williams & Prior, 2015). Although historically in several cultures this type of relationship has existed in the form of polygamy and polyandry, polyamory is predominantly an American phenomenon. It has grown in reach over the last several decades since the 1970s. In a culture where the dominant view of the socially acceptable relationship is marriage, polyamory is not viewed favorably. However a study showed that polyamorous relationships are seen as more responsible than swinging. While polyamory is looked upon as amoral when compared to monogamous relationships, such relationships seen as being more moral than cheating and extramarital affairs presumably because they satisfy the partners on other social and economic obligations as well .
Research also shows that polyamorous relationships are encouraged because it promotes more satisfaction and fulfillment to the parties. It also is empowering to women (Wheeler et al, 2011) because they are able to walk away from harmful relationships without losing a sense of security. Women also found it liberating to be able to speak freely about feelings for people other than their primary partners. But it is not to be inferred that polyamorous relationships have no boundaries. As Mitchell, Bartholomew, & Cobb (2014) found, the relationships are mostly independent of each other. A sense of privacy prevails which in turn enables trust and loyalty between the various partners. The study further showed that just as in monogamous relationships, trust is paramount in polyamorous relationships as well. However Wheeler’s study also noted that women who worked outside their home did not perceive an acceptance of their lifestyle in their workplaces. Which brings to light William & Prior’s research into the need for increased awareness in workplaces about polyamory.
Most social work education does not include polyamory as a natural relationship. Workers’ relationships are recognized as long as they are coded single, married or divorced. Although polyamory is prevalent among workers, employers may not view the practice favorably. This could lead to issues for clients and employees. Educating people about polyamorous relationships is key to ensuring an effective business environment. When the bias is removed, focus can shift to business. Similarly there is a need to include polyamorous relationships when teaching children about the concept of relationships. This growing practice which is redefining relationship dynamics is here to stay and its practitioners should be included in the “normal” social laws.
Within the limits of this paper the literature reviewed is not exhaustive. Also the research reviewed did not include certain demographic. It does not, for example, look at polyamory in same-sex relationships and how it would contrast with heterosexual dynamics/ While one of the studies reviewed looks at women and tries to understand the impact of polyamory on them, it does not look at the children involved. In the same vein the legal status vis-à-vis of such children and property involved has not been made clear. Social laws are built around inheritance and financial security whereas the legality of polyamory is yet to be established. It also does not explore the psychological aspect of managing multiple relationships at the same time. The research reviewed finds that women in polyamorous relationships may not find acceptance at their workplaces. It does not attempt a similar study in men by which to establish if workplace bias is simply an extension of gender bias or bias against polyamory only.
The literature also states that most studies are conducted on white people. Historically people from other cultures have practiced polygamy and polyandry for economic or social purposes. However the research does not include multiple racial profiles by which to establish how polyamory is viewed by these cultures in the modern times. While the research shows that partners are more satisfied even when sex may not be involved, it does not make clear the dynamics of the men involved apart from saying that men who try to dominate unduly may lose partners because women feel secure enough to walk out of abusive relationships.
The research posits that most people involved in polyamorous relationships are happy and satisfied. However it does not present of how unhappy people in monogamous or other types of relationships really are. And while the multiple relationships are open, they still place the demand of commitment upon the individuals (Cook et al, 2005). It remains unclear if ending one particular relationship has an impact on the dynamics of others. While the research shows that practitioners maintain privacy about their relationships, there is scope to explore how much of different relationships seep into each other. It would also be interesting to study if the partners within a set of individuals are all similar or have common traits which creates the attraction in the first place.
It becomes clear that while the practice of polyamory appears divergent from the normally accepted social relationships, its internal dynamics strive for the same stability and assurances that any relationship strives to build. The basis of both polyamory and monogamy is also trust, which is true for any relationship human beings create. Relationships flourish when there is trust and when mistrust creeps in relationships invariably deteriorate.
It is also quite clear that as a practice polyamory may soon become a prevelant and accepted social practice. Just as homosexuality has gained acceptance and legality in many countries, so too may polyamory become a legal practice. In that event it will become imperative to legislate the practice such that all the people involved are protected adequately by law and do not become victims of bias. This is a legitimate practice in society and must be practiced responsibly in order to promote the acceptance of polyamorous relationship practitioners.
There is plenty of scope in the study of polyamory and we hope to be able, through further research, to address the gaps that we have identified. Of particular interest are the areas of children, the psychological aspects, and the areas of commitment, loyalty, differences in perception by gender, race and sexual orientation, and also to study how the polyamorous families compare against the socially acceptable and long running family dynamics of monogamous relationships.
References
Cook, E. (2005). COMMITMENT IN POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS. Regis University. Retrieved February 28, 2016, from http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/library/e-text/Cook_Elaine.pdf
Hatfield, E., & Rapson, R. L. (2010). Culture, Attachment Style, and Romantic Relationships. New York: Routledge.
Kito, M. (2005). Self Disclosure in Romantic Relationships and Friendships Among American and Japanese College Students. Journal of Socioal Psychology 145(2), 127-140.
Malarski, J. (n.d.). Polyamory – Future Global Relationship Option? Retrieved from Academia: http://www.academia.edu/9857531/Polyamory_Future_Global_Relationship_Option
Matsick, J. L., Conley, T. D., Ziegler, A., Moors, A. C., & Rubin, J. D. (2014). Love and sex: polyamorous relationships are perceived more favourably than swinging and open relationships. Psychology & Sexuality 5(4), 339-348.
Mitchell, M. E., Bartholomew, K., & Cobb, R. J. (2014). Need Fulfillment in Polyamorous Relationships. Journal of Sex Research 51 (3), 329-339.
Wheeler, S. (2011). POLY-TICALLY INCORRECT: WOMEN NEGOTIATING IDENTITY, STATUS, AND POWER IN POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS. San Diego State University. Retrieved February 29, 2016, from
http://sdsudspace.calstate.edu/bitstream/handle/10211.10/1413/Wheeler_Sarah.pdf?sequence=1
Williams, D. J., & Prior, E. E. (2015). Contemporary Polyamory: A Call for Awareness and Sensitivity in Social Work. Journal of Social Work 60 (3), 268-270.
