WRITING IMPROVEMENT EXERCISE 6
Writing Bad-News Messages
Passive Voice: A major error was made in the report. (simply states that a mistake was made without “pointing the finger” at someone – softens the sentence)
Active Voice: We accept returned merchandise only when you provide a sales receipt.
Passive Voice: Returned merchandise is accepted only when a sales receipt is provided. (by taking the people out - we & you – the focus switches to the things – merchandise & receipt)
Convert the following active voice sentences into passive voice:
- You cannot have a cash refund for merchandise that you purchased 30 or more days ago.
Cash refund is not allowed for merchandise purchased for 30 or more days.
- We can’t allow you to attend the conference because our budget has been cut.
Attending the conference is not possible due to the budget cut
- I am unable to accept your speaking invitation because of another appointment.
Acceptance of a speaking invitation is not possible due to another appointment
The order was not shipped because the mailing address was incomplete.
The gold card account could not be awarded due to low credit ratings.
Use a friendly tone and emphasize keeping this customer’s business. Items in red required to avoid receiving 0 points.
Background information: The mower was purchased 15 months earlier. The purchaser has had difficulties with it for some time and submitted with the claim a statement from a local repair service verifying the difficulties. The writer’s reason for refusing is evident.
Message: Your May 12 claim for defective workmanship in your Model 227 Dandy Klipper riding mower has been reviewed. After considering the information received, I regret to report that we cannot refund the purchase price.
You have had the mower for 15 months, which is well beyond our one-year guarantee. Even though your repair person says that you had problems earlier, he is not one of our authorized repair people. If you will read the warranty you refer to in your letter, you will see that we honor the warranty only when our authorized repair people find defects. I think you will understand why we must follow this procedure. It is not our fault that you did not follow directions.
If you will take the machine to the authorized service center in your area (Buskirk Lawn and Garden Center), I am confident they can correct the defect at a reasonable charge. We will not be responsible for this.
Answer
P.O.BOX 00100-456,
Texas.
Dear Sir,
RE; Claim Of Defective Workmanship.
This is in response to the 12th May claim for defective workmanship in the Model 227 Dandy Klipper riding mower. The case was carefully reviewed and was the claim the refund the purchase price was regrettably denied.
The conditions that led to this final decision were based on the warranty offered for the mower model. The warranty only covers any problems experienced within a span of twelve months; however the claim was made fifteen months later. It is also advised once the problems are encountered; the mower should be checked and fixed by authorized repairer from our authorized dealers. This is not the case, because the complain states that the mower was repaired by another repairer.
Even though the claim has been refuted, kindly visit the authorized dealers to have the mower properly checked and repaired at a fee.
Thank You.
