Effects of Domestic Violence on families and Marriages
It is evident according to the victims that leaving a marriage that is abusive is not an easy task. It is said to be a very critical and difficult decision that in most cases has to be made with the help of legal advice or counselor so as to ensure the children’s safety and that of the victim also. However, currently there are many available resources which are meant to protect domestic violence victims from cases such as loss of jobs, free counseling, financial aid, and provision of shelter temporarily not comparing to the story of Ruth in the book fried green tomatoes at the whistle stop cafe. However, as much it is realized that these programs have not reduced the fear in women who have faced domestic violence and they still contain that belief that the husbands might go on with the threats of either harming her or the children.
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle stop Café was written in 1987 by Fannie Flagg. This book has brought together lives of different characters both in the past and present which is mostly based through two characters known as Evelyn and Ninny. In this book the writer is able to display the life of another character known as Ruth. After marriage Ruth was being abused by her husband and this was never acceptable by the society. The abuse that she went through affected also those people around her and most especially those who loved her like family and friends. When loved ones feel or hear that one of them is undergoing through domestic violence, many of them react differently. Children have a different reaction and also others around the victim. Idgie for example is a character who was so affected by Ruth’s suffering and made a decision to go and take her away from her husband.
Domestic Violence has serious consequences to the family and the marriage as well. Take for example Ruth in the book Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Green Café who had to separate with her husband Frank Bennet. First, violence creates fear in the family and this also affects the normal routine of the family. Children are said to be highly affected by domestic violence. Flagg clearly demonstrates how domestic violence affects families either emotionally or physically. Young people or children who are subjected to homes with domestic violence show certain behaviors such as anxiety, aggressive behavior, reduction of social skills and display symptoms such as emotional distress and depression. Young people and children require growing in a nurturing and secure environment for their optimal growth. However, it is evident that a home with family violence is not a safe place for the children and young people since they are afraid of what might happen to those people who love them and also afraid of their own safety.
The tragic fact is that anytime a woman is abused by the husband or partner, it tends to affect the children so much in both subtle and overt ways. Whatever tends to harm the mother also harms the children. At some points the children feel guilty when their mother is hurt since they cannot protect her and some may even feel that they are the cause of the act. While the mother tries to deal with the trauma, the children feel neglected or abused also. It is said that the rate of child abuse is sometimes higher in certain families where the mother is abused by 6-15. Children who stay at homes where there is domestic violence may grow up knowing that it is okay to hurt others or to also allow other people to hurt them.
Domestic violence should be treated as a crime. We should fight the values of the society which reinforce the stereotypes that make men behave aggressively and use the form of violence when it comes to solving problems in the family mostly towards women with the idea that women should accept the male dominance since they are submissive and weak. The book has shown clearly that Ruth’s friends were not happy with the husband’s behavior and they took matters in their own hands since they felt the husband was committing a crime. Parents should therefore teach their children the non-violent resolution of conflicts at an early age. Love is replaced by fear, instability and confusion in homes where domestic violence reigns. Those women who are buttered by their husbands suffer mental problems and physical problems as well as a consequence of domestic violence. The single major reason for injury in women is battering and it’s more significant than muggings, rape and accidents.
Women who are subjected to domestic violence are also at a risk of losing their jobs due to the many cases where they end up absent as a result of the violence. In order to avoid violence battered women move so many times and this is costly thus interfering with their employment continuity. The women at some point end up losing their friends and family members and this in most cases is due to the batterer who keeps them away from their loved ones. In order to avoid the embarrassment being inflicted from them, the battered women isolate themselves from the supporting persons. Some women who are battered are also abandoned by the church and various groups while they separate from those who abuse them since some churches do not encourage divorce or separation. This clearly shows some form of societal discrimination for those victims who are facing domestic violence. The society instead should show concern and care towards them instead of such acts in the name of religion.
Those who cause harm especially husbands also tend to face the consequences of their actions. Take for example Frank Benett the husband of Ruth. After his wife left him due to domestic violence he felt frustrated and missed his son. At some point he decided to go and steal the boy and this is how he met his death. Those people who cared about Ruth so much felt that it is their duty to protect the mother and the child and without second thoughts they ended up killing Frank without the knowledge of the wife. This clearly shows how the author tries to show the various ways through which violence can affect a circle of people around the victims. Ruth’s family was highly affected, the husband, the friends, the son and the husband as well.
Many women who are battered undergo financial security during the divorce process in order to avoid more abuse after. They get more impoverished as a result as they continue growing old. Those children who are a witness of their mothers battering grow with behaviors such as disruption in sleep, stuttering, psychosomatic disorders and problems in school. Their school performance is highly affected and at some point these kids may drop out of school and engage in crimes. As adults, the boys who witness the behaviors of their fathers may also end up inflicting serious violence. It is evident that those girls who witness maternal abuse are more likely to bear with abuse when adults compared to those who never experienced the act.
In conclusion, domestic violence has increased leaving trauma and fear in those who experience it most especially children. Domestic violence develops fear, anxiety and disturbance among children and end up affecting them in their future. Most of the children may start performing poorly at schools; inflict abuse on others or even on themselves since they grow knowing that things should be like that.
Work Cited
Flagg, Fannie. Fried Green Tomatoes. United States: Random House, 1987.
L.Davis, Richard. Domestic Violence: Facts and Fallacies. United States: Green wood Publishing Group, 1998.
NCADV. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FACTS. PDF. Washington DC: NCADV, 2009.
U.S National Library of Medicine. Domestic Violence. n.d. 2012. 22 October 2012
UNICEF. Domestic Violence Against Women and Girls. PDF. Italy: Innocenti Reseach Centre, 2000.
