Which Planet Are You From? Inside the Mind of Men and Women
“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” Males and females have as much in common as night and day, ranging from their physical anatomy to their preferences in hobbies. With men and women both from the same species, how are such various differences possible? When comparing the biology of the two genders, they are similar in body systems, providing essential support and repair to their lives. For instance, a man’s respiratory system has the same function as that of a woman’s for air exchange. So if one’s physical anatomy has no effect in making distinctions from one gender to another, what are the other related causes?
In a relationship between a man and a woman, the woman is often viewed to be more emotional and appeared to be blinded by love. For example, according to a “rejection-intrusion” pattern in distressed couples described by Napier (1978), it is typical the woman who seeks closeness and reassurancewhen the woman’s bids for affection are rebuffed, she feels hurt, rejected and misunderstood (Peplau& Gordon, 1985). This suggests women have the tendency to rely on their partners for emotional support in a relationship as they require confirmation from men and value their opinions the most. From this study, it appears that women are more emotionally attached and require comfort from their partner for a majority of the time. Based on this example, one can conclude that women are insecure with themselves and require the relationship that they are in to help them overcome that sense of insecurity. In the instances where women do not receive the support they expect, they may feel abandoned and unappreciated, resulting in feelings of being “hurt” and “misunderstood”. It is therefore acceptable for one to assume that women view relationships with a much higher value than their partner.
Whereas a relationship might represent care and commitment for women, men may see it from a different angle. For example, it was found that twenty-three percent of men’s new partnerships had included sexual activity within the first 24 hours; in another 14%, the couple had had sex within one week after meeting (Hollander, 2009). If men already have sexual activity with their partners after a short duration, how much would they actually know about their partners? This study indicates that men may prefer brief, casual relationships with women since they are more interested in sexual activity rather than spending time and effort to get to know their partner. It also suggests that men generally wish to be independent and try to avoid being tied down to a set individual. Thus, when it comes to the decision between their career and relationship, one can assume men would prefer career over the other.
With the different perspectives men and women have towards relationships, it is no surprise that opposing gender viewpoints have been a perennial problem for numerous couples. This issue has constantly emerged and eventually led to an end for couples across the world. In a study about the divorce rate in the United States, it has been shown that the divorce rate- measured as the number of new divorces each year on a per capita basis- has risen, while the marriage rate has fluctuated around a relatively stable mean (Stevenson &Wolfers, 2007). These results indicate there are more people getting divorced rather than getting married. It is possible that the trend for increasing divorce rate is due to the rising gap between men and women. By studying men and women’s individual expectations from a relationship, this study may provide insights about gender stereotypes and to promote healthier and longer-lasting relationships.
In addition, this study will investigate counterarguments to see whether the changing status of men and women in society play a part in causing relationship problems. As many people know, women have begun to raise their status in comparison to their male counterparts in the modern century and their expectations from a relationship therefore may have changed. Women today have achieved higher stature in society by becoming more educated and having their own careers in order to support the household. At the same time, they carry more responsibility as a result of their role at work and at home. They are expected to be just as professional at the workplace while also being able to maintain their usual housework. On the contrary, there are more men who work as “stay-at home-Dads” to take care of their own children. The traditional view of working in an office has been substituted by working in front of a computer at home. Instead of going to work donning the usual suit and briefcase, they are using a spatula and an apron to dish up a nice, warm meal for their hardworking breadwinners. They have become more responsible for domestic duties that were traditionally carried out by women.
In the study, it is hypothesized that when it comes to time for men to decide between work and relationship, men will choose work over relationship because work is a lifelong establishment. It is suggested by the study that men are predominantly concerned about the sexual activity portion of a relationship rather than wanting to be emotionally attached. Therefore, they will place the lifelong establishment over a brief, causal affiliation with another individual who they may not be interested in after a couple months. The study also hypothesizes that when it comes to time for women to choose between work and relationship, they will prefer relationship because they are more emotional and they believe relationship will result in marriage, which is where their ultimate “career” is established. By looking into the minds of men and women, it allows us to test the validity of these hypothesis and understand the difference in each other’s thoughts.
Method
Participants
Forty University of Southern California students between the ages of 18-30 were randomly selected to participate in the study. Participants included50% females and 50% males, with a total of 40 participants.85% of the participants were from the Los Angeles area, with 10% out-of-states, and 5% Hong Kong international students. Among the participants, there were 40% Caucasian, 30% Asian, and 30% other ethnical groups. Before the survey began, participants were asked about their age, year in school, majors and minors, expected future career, ethnical background they were associated with, states or countries where the participants were from, and whether they were undergraduates or graduates. All participants were volunteers.
Materials
Two sets of survey questions wereused to collect participants’ responses in the study. The survey set received by participants depended on their response to a random question asked in the beginning of the study. The purpose of this question was to keep both the participants and the interviewer from knowing the survey set that the participant would receive in the study, where the participant had the same probability of receiving survey 1 or survey 2. There were a total of 10 questions in the survey with a mixture of situational questions, yes/no questions and rating questions (see Appendix).
In one of the situational questions, it was about a couple who had been in a relationship for over two years. The couple was serious about the relationship and they cared each other very much. The man had recently received a job opportunity with higher salary and position but was asked to relocate out of the country, and he had to decide between work and love. In survey set 1, the man decided to go after the job offer and break up with his girlfriend. In survey set 2, the man decided to stay with his girlfriend and rejected the job offer. After the situational question, participants were asked whether they agree or disagree with the man’s decision in the scenario. It was followed up by the participants’ response if they were in the man’s position and what factors participants considered in the decision process. The two scenarios differed where the man decided to remain with his girlfriend in one survey set while the man decided to leave in the other. The purpose for the man’s different decision was to see whether participants would agree more to one decision as opposed to the other and see the participants’ reaction in the different scenarios.
In the rating questions, participants were asked to rank among work, family, friends, love, and materials such as money to see whether males or females would value one feature over the other and how participants would respond overall. They were asked to explain their answers and see if there were two features that were equally important but rank one over another due to personal preferences. Also, participants were asked if there were any past experiences that may affected their decision. In the yes or no question, participants were asked whether they agreed with statements such “do you think love is blind?” and “will you find a partner who have equal or higher social economic status for marriage?”
The independent variable for the study is the irrelevance of the situational questions involved in the survey set, where one group would receive scenarios where the man chose relationship over career whereas he chose career over relationship in the other. The survey set participants received were randomly assigned based on their answer to the question asked in the beginning of the study, and it was not affected by the participants’ age or ethnical background. Another independent variable in the study was the participants’ gender. The participants were either born to be male or female, and their participation in the study would not change anything about their sexuality. The dependent variable for the study was the people being selected to participate in the study and their attitude toward love and career.It was possible to assume female would feel more negative to the situational question where the male decided to end the relationship for a better career while the males may feel more positive to the decision.
Procedure
The survey was conducted near the school library on a school day at the University of Southern California, main campus, once during the day and once in the afternoon. Students who were walking by the library were asked to fill out surveyto share his or her views towards the current stereotypes of males and females.Participants were recruited based on their gender and age;50% of the participants were female and 50% were male. Each trial began by asking participants their majors, ethical background and whether they were undergraduate or graduate student.
The different survey sets were assigned to participants based on their answer to the question whether black or white was their favorite color. When participants selected “black”, they were assigned to survey set 1 where the man left his girlfriend for the job offer. When participants selected “white”, they were assigned to survey set 2 where the man decided to stay with his girlfriend and rejected the job offer. All responses were recorded on paper. In analyzing the data, responses from males and females were compared aside from the groups who decided to stay or leave in the situational question.
Data analyze
The truth however is that some women have a dominance of some features commonly associated with men. For instance, not mall women will prefer relationships over careers. There are women who love independence and will not want to put their career lives behind a relationship. They in fact see a change of environment to be better and save them from monotony. This is the reason why some women will be willing and ready to leave their families behind to pursue careers or even further education. On the other hand, there are men who are so much attached to their families that they would sacrifice their career ambitions just to stay close to their women. The decisions that will be made by both man and women especially in relation to career and work depended mostly on whether they were in stable relationships or not. If the relationship is stable especially involving marriage and children, it will affect the decisions that both parties will make.
Differences displayed by men and women may differ with age and status in the society. As women grow and relate with others, they tend to adjust to the environment and even change the perspective at which they look at things. This may also depend on the environment in which they were brought up in. the difference between men and women come from the aggressive nature of men who are naturally independent and risk takers. For the women it is all about their self-image and the other people they have to show care and concern. In as much as it is easier for men to be self-centered, women realize that there are some responsibilities attached to them, which they have, cannot avoid. For instance, when it comes to family, women are required to take more responsibility than the men do. For women, their family responsibilities become their life, they feel that family, compared to career is something more permanent, which will not be subject to change. Even though men are also obliged when it comes to families, they may not be so much attached like the women. When they have a woman or an alternative where they can leave their families to, they will not have a hard time choosing their careers. Man also feel their responsibility is more of providing and hence going for opportunities that will make them bread winners.
Results
The between subject 2 x 2 ANOVA was used to test the hypothesis whether different genders had different expectations from a relationship. Equal variance assumed -.592 lower; .690 upperEqual variance not assumed -.660 lower; .757 upper
One variant was the male and the other was women, they were assigned a responsibility that involved was risky, involved prompt action and whose result would both affect their relationship and status in the society. The test was set to ensure that the result would improve either their relationships or status in the society. The two independent variables, which were relationships and status, were realized to play an important role between the different genders. The differences were realized in the way they reason out on decisions basing on what they will achieve in terms of relationship and status. Women scored high when it comes to making decisions that will positively influence their relationships compared to men who scored higher in decisions that pertained to improving their status quo.
Analyses of covariance (ANOVA) for each dependent variable were conducted as follow-up tests to the ANOVA and specific group comparisons were executed using the formula and the results from the tests conducted. Gender IV F (.031) =.861, p>0.05. Stories IV F (1.996) =.163, p>0.05 Gender IV *stories iv F(.988) =.324, p>0.05. The following formula was used;
The experiment was done according to age group and marital status as follows, the age was considered as >25, <25>35, <35>45, <45. Marital status was done in terms of the number of years the couple had been married as follows, >5, <5>15, <15. Those who were married and the children were also considered. It was revealed that 95% of single men >25 will choose career over relationships compared to 80% of women in the same bracket. The results for the men who were between the age 25 and 45 was similar with 75% choosing career over relationships. When it can to women, we realized that women between 25 and 35, most of whom were married, 60% chose family over career. For the men above 45 years, 45% choose career over family while women in the same age group, only 10% choose career over family. The percentage differed for the men and women in the same age group who were married. 80% of men who were married and were below the age of 25 choose career over family while 75% of women in the same group choose relationships over career. Married couples who were married for over ten years were 50-50 in making their choices. 50% of men chose career over relationships while 80 % of women chose family over career.
The results reveal a significant difference between men and women. Despite the similar biological features shared by men and women and the similarities in their origin, they are psychologically different. This is because of their sexual orientation that defines their hormonal balance as well as the responsibilities they take up in the society. Men and women are obliged to behave according to expectations of the society as well as the roles they played. Men are culturally brought up to understand that they are the sole providers of the home and that they need to be concerned with anything that will put them above the women. Hey are required to think more and display a more aggressive character. The difference displayed by men also has to do with their ego and the need to be recognized as superior beings. Men are also prompt when it comes to making decisions and will not reason with their environment as women do. Once they realize the benefit that comes with making such a decision, they tend to overlook other drawbacks and simply attempt it.
It is realized that when a man and a woman are given an opportunity to work away from their homes as long as they get good compensation, men will be excited about the benefits that come with the package. They will therefore make a decisions basing on that without having to think about how that will affect them and their families (Napier, 1978). On the other hand, women are analytic in nature; they will not just accept the offer without giving it a second thought. They will look at what they are benefitting and what they will have to loose in the process. They will weigh between leaving their families behind and whether they will be safe without them. It is only after weighing this options that they will make a decision to either accept or reject the offer. The results also reveal an important feature about men and women. It has been considered that men reason with their mind while women reason with their emotions. This implies that women put their emotions before every action they take unlike the men who will act basing on the results.
Discussion
The differences displayed between men and women are vital in facilitating balance in the society. We realize that men and women complement each other in a number of ways and that is probably why they are able to stay together for longer. It is because of these differences that people tend to think that men have a very different origin from men. Some of these features are always ignored or taken for granted until when this opposite people make a decision to stay together. They realize that how they take things is different from each other and hence being a source of conflict. It reaches a time in a relationship where a man feels they are right and so is a woman (Stevenson &Wolfers, 2007). This becomes difficult for them to make decisions where they have to agree on one thing. One of such areas is what to adopt first as a family asset. A man will choose to incest in a classy car, while a woman would rather get a good house for the family. For a man, a car is more important as it will uplift his status in the society. A woman on the other hound will consider a house more necessary as it will provide them with a sense of security.
Men care more about their status in the society and how they are viewed by other people. Even though women care about how they are also viewed b their society, their feelings come from how secure they are and personally feel about themselves (Peplau & Gordon, 1985). A woman’s confidence and self-esteem comes from the foundations they have set in their lives and what they can do to retain them. For the men, it is what they acquire and how much more they can acquire. It does not matter their achievements, all it matters is how the achievement rank them in the society and what more the can do acquire a higher status.
Men are not afraid of taking risks and they would rather fail in the process rather than never having to make the decision. For women, they tend to think that if a risk must be taken, the it has to be calculated. Women also look at the process that will take for them to overcome such a risk just incase it happens and thus not taking it up. It is because of this that men are considered to do things faster while women take time but does it well. This implies that before a woman decides to do something, they will look at both sides and way the outcome basing on the challenges they would encounter. This feature makes women more prepared for a task compared to men who will chose to face a problem as it comes. The conclusion of the discussion can be said that men are good at taking the first step while women are good at implementing their decision.
References
Hollander, D. (2009). Sexual partnerships in Britain: Characteristics differ by gender and predict likelihood of condom use. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health,21(1),64-65.
Napier, A.Y. (1978). The rejection-intrusion pattern: A central family dynamic. Journal of Marriage and Family Counseling, 4, 5-12.
Peplau, L.A. & Gordon, S.L. (1985). Women and men in love: Gender differences in close heerosexual relationships. In V.E. O’Leary, R.K. Unger, and B.S. Wallston (Eds), Women, Gender and Social Psychology (p.283-284) New Jersey: Psychology Press.
Stevenson, B. &Wolfers, J. (2007). Marriage and divorce: Changes and their driving forces. Journal of Economic Perspectives-V 21(2), 27-52.
