In legal parlance, divorce is the process of matrimony dissolution or termination that culminates in separation of fiancées. Reasons for divorce to take place are multiple, with marital breach resulting from infidelity, jealousy, financial instability and other contributing factors. Never a pleasant process, divorce does have consequences for both fiancées and their children, if born in wedlock. Children are virtually forced into watching their once loving parents battling each other during legal proceedings, court hearings, and custody fights over who will raise them and who will pay alimony, to say nothing of contractual demands, rising from clauses provided in marriage contracts sometimes concluded by the wedding parties. It is exactly the time when children’s fragile world is about to be ruined with their parents’ own hands and gets ruined as a results of parents’ divorcing, causing them to follow the same example in their future marriage life or shun getting married at all.
According to Matthews, human development specialist, (n.p.), the reality of divorce is such that 2 out of 5 children endure parental separation before reaching the age of 18. It is displayed by statistics that 25% of all children spend some time being reared in stepfamilies. In the USA, divorce estimates are in the region of 1,2500,000 cases annually, with about 1 million children being engaged in their parents’ legal separation. That people regardless of societal standing, income, personal values, and religious convictions file for divorce is the chief thing to know about the act of legal separation, with children involved in the process (Matthews n.p.).
Jargon (2004) claimed that parents tend to fight through their children when it comes to “custody battles” (qtd. in Eisenberg, n.p.). According to Dr. Eisenberg, Ph.D. in social psychology (n.p.), divorcing process is much needed when family life is plagued by conflicts and disaccord. Divorce should be authorized, if impossible to avoid, when there is no mending what has been utterly destroyed and every way possible should be sought to avoid further re-aggravating children’s psychological trauma. It is a well-accepted fact that not until parents get officially divorced do children regain composure. There is a chance of children’s starting to feel better following divorce, with no quarrels and fights at home any longer (Eisenberg, n.p.).
According to Bender (n.p.) and Roman & Haddad (n.p.), in order that negative impacts of divorce might be diminished it is recommended that parents should resort to “joint custody” (qtd in Eisenberg, n.p.). In Journal of Family Psychology, Professor Bauserman, US Department of Health and Mental Hygiene member, asserts that such type of legal solution facilitates children’s adjustment as well as improving their psychological and physical wellbeing, with children in sole, mostly maternal custody, showing little social adjustment abilities, when socializing with their school peers (qtd. in Eisenberg, n.p.). Bauserman admits that in Europe and North America, courts grant women the right of custody and very seldom is judgmental decision passed in fathers’ favor, which critically reduces their involvement in children’s upbringing. Bauserman (98), citing a research conducted by Amato and Gilberth back in 1999, admits that amazing is the fact that fathers’ involvement, mutual pastime as well as “authoritative parenting” enable behavioral adjustment (qtd. in Eisenberg, n.p.).
Amato (n.p.) asserts that co-parenting is of great benefit to children, since being supportive and devoid of confrontation. According to Hetherington and Stanley-Hagan (n.p.), a quarter to a third of parents manages to reach common ground on mutual custody, which may be observed in co-planning, sufficient communication, and coordination of timetables and activities (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 16). Pryor and Rodgers (n.p.) are inclined to believe that making relationship following separation happen makes it possible for contacts with a nonresident parent to happen successfully and without a breach of continuity (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 16). Trinder, Kellett, Connolly, and Notley suggest that 27 out of 61 families succeed in co-parenting, with commitment being shown, parental skills being well-developed and family functions being properly shared (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 16).
Still, the aforementioned legal procedure does not always stand good chances of ending in a peaceful resolution of co-parenting. McKay (n.p.) suggests that the legal procedure of divorce may be for months in the making, with parents yet to be separated changing a great deal during the process. Family members are reported to sometimes live together for years before the litigation is finally over, which means children have nothing to do but adjust to witnessing family disputes for as long as a legal procedure drags on (McKay n.p.).
However, what evoke particular stress for children are family changing, the loss of attachment, the fear of being abandoned, and hostilities that transpire in parents’ relations (DeBord, n.p.). Professor of biblical and systematic theology, Wayne Grudem (n.p.) believes that after divorce children get deprived of family structure, with family being “scaffolding” a child ascends from infancy to adolescence while ripping it away from them means they are no longer capable of implementing psychological, emotional and physical climbing to maturity, which produces horror as to present and future. According to DeBord (n.p.), parents’ splitting brings changes about in the matter of how children will have to adjust to new schedules and routine activities, how their share of responsibilities will change. Besides, they may no longer be able to spend enough time with their friends and relatives, family they used to know being changed for good. Divorce also has its influence on how often they socialize with their relatives, creating the feeling of loss of attachment to their loved ones if they are short of such contacts.
Losing one parent may create a hunting suspicion of losing the other one sometime in the future. Nor will blaming oneself for what has happened as well as feeling unlovable cease tormenting child’s soul anytime soon (DeBord n.p.). It is also suggested that, after divorce, children experience a tormenting feeling that there might be more mishaps to come (Grudem n.p.). Children to have heard their peers talking about parents’ divorce may have fear of family breakup possibly befalling their family terrorize them in the aftermath. It is not seldom that enmity and hostilities erupt in families that are on the verge of splitting, rendering most children angry and frustrated. Parents may sometimes play mind games, manipulating their children, trying to make them choose whose side to take. Finding themselves in the middle of family tug-of-war, children experience the feeling of loneliness and bitter confusion because of having to make so hard a choice (DeBord n.p.). According to Grudem (n.p.), children fall into despair, fearing lest they should look disloyal in their parents’ eyes, being consumed by the feeling of betrayal. In such situations, what parents would better do is let children make a decision on their own (DeBord n.p.). Buchanan (n.p.) and Hetherington (n.p.) believe that children whose parents suppress conflicts, without having them witness quarrels, slightly differ from those raised in families with low conflict rate, if at all (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 16). Overall, psychological issues never cease to transpire at later stages, in the wake of divorce.
Rogers and Pryor (n.p.) opine that, unlike their full families peers, children who stem from separated families are raised in households with lower family incomes and housing, being ridden by behavioral issues, showing worse performance at school or gaining fewer educational qualifications, abandoning both school and home at a young age, falling ill up to requiring medical treatment. Children to feel the effects of divorce are also reported to prematurely become sexually active, pregnant or a parent early. They are prone to depression, resulting in early societal deviations when they may be seen smoking, drinking and abusing drugs, when reaching adolescent age or during adulthood (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 7).
According to Grudem (n.p.), entering adulthood and embracing adult commitments may be difficult for those having endured parental divorce, as patterning their lives after their parents’ image, absorbing knowledge of relationship and behavioral modes readily. Grudem (n.p.) thinks most children to be afraid of “crossing the Rubicon into adulthood”, with infidelity and betrayals being practised as well as untrustworthy relationships being established, if that river of doubts is finally crossed. Divorce may have even deeper ramifications because children may lack ambitions and actual life direction. It is well-documented that over a third of the youth between 19 and 29 has little-to-no life direction to follow. Having no goals makes them drift without any good purpose at all (Grudem n.p.).
Still some argue this opinion, furnishing proofs in favor of divorce, describing family separation as having a positive effect on child’s wellbeing. Booth & Amato (n.p.) and Jekielek (n.p.) suggest that, in separating from each other, parents sink their long-lasting war of words along with physical solutions to family disputes that would be practiced before multiple times (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 8). According to Videon (n.p.), parents who have actual problems rearing and socializing with a child may no longer be in permanent touch with their children, which puts an end to poor quality relations (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 8). Moreover, Amato (n.p.) admits that daughters’ attachment to their custodial mothers gets developed with time (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 8).
Speaking of positives of family separation, blended families are thought to give children comfort after being shaken by parental divorce since they let these children regain a full family. Such a category of families is becoming more widely-spread in America with every passing day (Garcia n.p.). Approximately 50% of children in the USA are raised in blended families, with 1300 new stepfamilies being born every day. The second decade of the new millennium will see the number of stepfamilies rising, one third of the children before the age of 18 will live in blended families in America. Interesting fact about such kind of families is that the risk of conflicts is high enough and children cause them to collapse in 50% of cases. Children are stressed and grieved, having to change their environment, such as school, friends, neighbors, church, and being separated from one of their biological parents. The feeling of being unwanted by stepparent is coupled with tensions, rising between biological parents, especially during holidays and family dates when controversy is not an uncommon thing. There appears a great competition between stepchildren and their new parent. Difficult as it is children’s getting used to living in new families, being step-parented by strange adults, there is a room for opportunity for them to live a happy life. All a new parent needs to do is let their new kids lament over their loss and do everything not to jeopardize original bonds. Respect, cooperation, patience, compromise and agreements are highly recommended for such families (Garcia n.p.).
Whatever the pros and cons of parental divorce, it depends how each and every single child acclimatizes in a new family and if this process goes smoothly. Chase-Lansdale & Hetherington (n.p.) and Rodgers & Pryor (n.p.) suggest that parental separation problems start waning with the course of time; however, according to Amato and Keith (n.p.), these issues tend to persevere, with some children having them escalating (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 8).
Unfortunately enough, but emotional burden is not the sole problem that either precedes or follows divorce. Many a times do financial problems surface in litigation costs of suing, the service of lawyers, and child’s upbringing costs that is put on the shoulders of a single parent. Following that logic, plenty of parents have hard times rearing their children, so thinks Shouls (n.p.) who states that as many as 70% of lone parents, as it stands, are in sore need of money while Evans while Harkness and Ortiz (n.p.) think those being short on money to be dependent on welfare benefits (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 12). The chances of children’s health and educational achievements thin down dramatically. Carlson and Corcoran (n.p.) note that stable and controlled income makes up for family separation that does not take such a heavy toll on children (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 12). Conger, Elder, Lorenz (n.p.) conclude that economic strain pressurizes families, deepening marital conflicts, which cannot but culminate in hostility children are treated with, “coercive parenting”, family relationship breakup as well as impacting children’s wellbeing and behavior (qtd. in Mooney, Oliver, & Smith 13). According to Grudem (n.p.), studies demonstrate that at least 80% of women have financial insecurities.
Works Cited
DeBord, Karen. The Effects of Divorce on Children. North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service. n.d. n.p. Web. 14 Oct. 2013.
Eisenberg, Jacob. Impacts of Parent’s Separation and Divorce on Children. Families, Father, & Friends. 2006. n.p. Web. 14.Oct. 2013.
Garcia, Jennifer. Children Living in Blended Families. Uhcl.edu. n.d. n.p. Web. 14.Oct. 2013.
Grudem, Wayne. What are the Consequences of Divorce? Waynegrudem.com. 31 July 1996. n.p. Web. 14.Oct. 2013.
Matthews, Wayne. Long-term Effects of Divorce on Children. North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service. n.d. n.p. Web. 14 Oct. 2013.
McKay, Dean. The Trauma of Divorce: Reducing the Impact of Separation on Children. American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. 1997. n.p. Web. 14.Oct. 2013.
Mooney, Ann, Oliver, Chris & Smith, Marjorie. Impact of Family Breakdown on Children’s Well-Being. Institute of Education, University of London. 2009. 1-24. Web. 14.Oct. 2013.
