Different characteristics of living in the "fortress" that are discussed Counseling Military Families by Lynn K. Hall
The main characteristics of life of a military couple are frequent separations from relatives, geographical relocations, total dedication to the proposed mission of the county, early retirement, ability of the whole family to adjust to changes rapidly, feeling of detachment from the society and others. (Hall, 2008) While examining the military society, it becomes vivid that this group of people should be characterized as the warrior society, which has own rules and regulations of life. Living in the ‘Fortress’ represents the most frequent issues people face living with a military.
The everyday life of a military family requires the power of will, enormous responsibilities for the country, relatives and companions, total dedication and willingness to change the living place rapidly, obey orders and principles of military life. Unemployment, burden of care about the children, house and organizational issues often lay on the shoulders of a spouse, while the man is serving the country. In this regard, this is extremely complicated to put up with the pressure of life, changes and responsibilities laid on one’s shoulders. The government provides various military programs in order to keep the balance in the military families: financial support, meetings, therapeutic practice, etcetera.
Despite the fact that families face a lot of stress and responsibilities, comparing to regular citizens, it also affects them in a positive way. According to Hall (2008) they lead safe and orderly life, make new connections, meet people and friends faster due to constant relocations, communicate with surroundings in the easier way, military children accept changes faster, are intellectually brighter, families are resourceful and self-reliant. Nonetheless, the strongest and most powerful weapon of the military is the recognition of the fact that one serves the country, which is extremely honorable and prestigious. There are many cases, when being a military becomes a family tradition and even women serve for the country as they were raised in the best traditions of a military spirit.
Military spouses are often young mothers under 20s or in their late teens. (Hall, 2008) They are not aware of the military life, one’s husband just began to serve and they need a program, which allows to adjust to the life with a military faster. The main problem of a woman is isolation both from the spouse and society. While taking care of a child a woman cannot afford working. Even when children grow up, a woman can hardly find the job because of lack of education, skills and constant relocations due to husband’s service. A lot of changes should be implemented in order to ease the life of women waiting for their husbands: clubs of interests, meetings, job and educational opportunities. Nowadays people’s life has changed and woman no longer view themselves as only the supporter of a military man. Spouses conclude that they need own income, education and job, while some couple dozen years ago military family has been viewed as ‘two in one’, where woman was taking care of children, house, organizational questions and following the lifestyle of a housekeeper. (Hall, 2008)
Talking about the fellowship among the military, it is important to mention that officers and their enlisted subordinates should not make the friendship. (Hall, 2008) It is explained by the rank differences and a need to make a sole decision based on a cold mind, not taking into account any other relations. The same tradition still dominates among military spouses, despite the fact that officially there are no limits for their communication.
Despite the enormous stress and responsibilities a woman gets living with a military, therapeutics have indicated the strengths one gets: strong and profound relationship with the spouse, being open to new ideas, cultures, people, ability to perform father’s duties in the educational process for the child during the husband’s absence, willingness to take part in the new activities, programs and react quickly to the fast pace of own life. (Hall, 2008) The main concerns of the spouse are frequent relocations, lengthy deployments, infidelity, possible issues with the husband’s physical health, possibility of loss and unemployment.
Male spouses usually have a better educational background, skills and possibilities in the society. In fact, there are almost no supporting programs for the civilian male spouses, the majority of programs focuses on supporting married mothers with children or are of no interest for males. The main concerns of a male spouse are infidelity and comprehension of the fact that spouse might not come home from the current mission, which causes a lot of stress.
The situation in which two partners are military is even more complicated. Parents should figure out where to leave children and who would take care of them, how to organize meetings with children and each other (it is forbidden to serve together). All the organizational issues along with career plans and difference in the rank should be settled and resolved. In order to achieve these goals, both parents should focus more on communication between each other, respect one’s point of view, career prospects and plans, be ready to go for a compromise and be aware and responsible for own children, who may stay orphans after one of the parent’s missions.
In conclusion, living in the military family requires the moral strength and ability to cope with unpredictable situations and its consequences. Such stressors as the possibility of death, injury, mental disorders, deployment, total authority in the family might be obstacles on the way to happiness achievement within the family. Living with the military requires patience, obedience, possibility to cope with changes and challenges of life, faithfulness and respect of one’s principles, point of view and vision of life. The military mission is one of the most respected deeds a man can do, which both requires the total dedication and different way of life the military people lead comparing to civilians.
Reference page
Hall, L.K. (2008). Counseling military families. In G.R. Walz, J.C. Bleuer, & R.K. Yep (Eds.), Compelling counseling interventions: Celebrating VISTAS’ fifth anniversary (pp. 71-92). Ann Arbor, MI: Counseling Outfitters.
