Cheating
Is there any explanation for cheating? Can cheating ever be reasoned? “I did it because ”. Living in a modern society the social patterns propose various trends and behaviors within relationships. However, the only difference between the modern society and the traditional one stays in the fact that nowadays the cheating is more acknowledged, more openly recognized than it was in the past when the society was more eager in maintaining specific social status quos. Therefore, if cheating exists since forever, what are the reasons for cheating?
This essay proposes to identify three reasons that lead to the cheating. Therefore the three reasons will be the causes and the act of cheating will be the actual effect of these three causes. The purpose of this exercise is not to encourage the cheating, but to understand what can lead to this effect, in order to correct such actions and to discourage the cheating, or just to acknowledge why the cheating is occurring.
One of the partners does not give sufficient attention to the other, being absorbed by work or by other personal things and is not involving the partner in his/her problems. One of the partners is careless of his/her looks and becomes inattentive with self-care, loses his/her self – esteem and starts complaining about everything, blaming everybody and everything for his/her incapacity or unwillingness to lift up and start over again. One of the partners feels attracted by some other person. There are three effects that might produce the effect of cheating.
Cheating – as an effect – this is a different way of perceiving cheating, but if we want to understand why it is happening we need to evaluate its causes. Therefore, the causes exposed above will be disseminated one by one in order to perceive each of its significance in determining one or both partners to cheat.
Second Best Cause for Cheating
If one of the partners is too much engaged in self-activities, concerning work or other personal issues and fails to involve the other in these activities, then the other one will feel isolated, left behind, not important for his/her partner. Moreover, if such a situation persists even after the partner who is ignored tries to get close to the one who is distant and self – concerned, might lead to the accumulation of frustrations for the ignored partner. Add to this a push back, a rejection from behalf of the distant partner and there it is – pushing the partner into cheating.
He/she might do this for several reasons in connection with the effect of ignoring him/her. The partner might cheat as a result of not receiving attention from his/her lover and he/she might try to search for attention and affection that he/she lacks from the partner, in somebody else.
In addition, in this situation the partner who is ignored might develop a certain anger against the one who pushes him/her aside from the problems that he/she is facing. The partner who is pushed away might feel rejected and hurt because of his/her lover’s attitude towards him/her. As a response to this rejection, he/she might consider that a solution could be cheating.
Moreover, just the idea of being ignored, not considered, not desired might result in also losing interest for the partner who ignored in the first place. The effect is of course, cheating, or even the brake up.
Third Best Cause for Cheating
Yet another cause that could determine the cheating within a relationship is the self-careless, the complaisance in a “laissez faire” style of life, when one of the partners is inattentive with his/her looks, does not take care of his/her image and appearances, or even of the self – hygiene. As a result, such a life style might also be linked with a low self – esteem and with a continuous tendency of blaming somebody else for his/her problems and for the fact that he/she cannot find the inner strength to get up and to come clean in mind and body.
Therefore, a primary reaction of such a behavior is the rejection of the partner. Probably the partner who is careless about the looks, image and the low self-esteem is also unaware of the fact that through his/her lack of self - care is determining the other one to become distant, not involved.
Since a person does not wash his/her hair for weeks, does not ware clean clothes, forgets or avoids to shave, because he/she feels comfortable like this or because is too tired or too lazy, a person does not try to look good, elegant in the society, or next to the loved one, a person is not fit or does not have energy, although it used to, all these could determine the person next to him/her to take a break from the relationship or to cheating.
Why cheating? In this case the partner who cheats would do that in order to look for the energy vitality, freshness, beauty, self – care and self – esteem that cannot be found anymore in the partner.
First Best Cause for Cheating
Then again, just think about it: you put on nice dresses or suits, you are always smart looking, always fresh, full of energy, you are close to your partner and share with him/her your personal challenges and troubles, your professional problems, you try to connect with him/her and to develop an active communication, but it still happens. The partner still cheats, as he/she feels attracted by somebody else.
What is to be done? How can this effect be prevented? It probably cannot be prevented, b because it involves chemistry. If the partner just needs something else, a change to revitalize the relationship, then cheating often occurs. However, for this cause (feeling attracted by somebody else), the effect should be the break – up.
Nevertheless, the partner who cheats might not have the power, or the courage to end up the relationship, or might realize that it is no use in ending a relationship for an adventure and might continue the relationship, knowing that he/she cheated.
Such an attitude towards the idea of relationship might become a ritual and the partner who cheats might just become very comfortable in having one or more relationships outside his/her formal one.
The idea is not to accept the idea of cheating and find excuses for the partner who did this, but to understand what you, the one who ignored, who was careless and always complaining could have done to prevent this from occurring. However, if you were the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend and you were still cheated because your partner needed something new, or felt attracted by somebody else, there is no need to bother with understanding why he/she did it. This is not something that you cannot control or correct, but something that he/she needs to manage on himself, without you in that relationship.
