Why Married Couples have Divorces
Marriage is not an easy task. Most of the couples even having good intentions end up their relation in divorce. There are many reasons married people get divorces. In this paper, major reasons are explained in detail.
Married couples have divorce because of extramarital affairs. AARP published report in 2004, in which it is mentioned that infidelity plays an important role in explaining the reason of filing for divorce. Spouse begins to cheat each other because of many reasons, such as emotional abuse, physical and verbal abuse, differences in interests, anger, unequal appetite for sexual relations (AARP). Physical, emotional, and mental abuse causes couples to fight, in which healthy arguments are not exchanges because of which people reach at their breaking point of their married life, and focus on seeking divorce. It is neither safe, not healthy for married couples to stay in an abusive relationship. In this regard, counseling plays a useful role to help spouses who are abused. Counseling helps them in decision making in bringing a positive and constructive change in their lives.
Further, financial issues are also responsible for the divorce of married couples. Money is a major element that plays a significant role in making life better or worse. If money emerges as a constant topic of disapproval or disagreement, the path to divorce is, however, certain. Additionally, unemployment of husband is also a major reason behind divorce (Sayer, England, Alison and Kangas). Lack of money paves the way to creation of marital problems that become so intense that they lead to filing divorce. However, a married couple who is facing financial issues and difficulties becomes victim of stress that becomes a cause of lack of communication and consistent arguments. Married couples, who do not control their spending habits, face strain in their married life that becomes a reason for divorce.
Moreover, incompatibility is also a reason of divorce in married couples. This is because of the fact that nothing remains the same as changes take place with the passage of time. Individuals, however, grow, change, and develop as time passes. Sometimes growth at individual level means staying away from spouse, and people emphasize on growing apart. When dreams, interests, preferences, and lives of both partners become incompatible, the marriage starts to suffer. Incompatibility is usually considered as a major reason of fining divorce (Cottrill).
Furthermore, unhappiness is also considered as a root cause of increasing number of divorces in married couples. Amato and Previti have regarded unhappiness as death toll got a marriage. Marital unhappiness is pronounced more in husbands (Roberts). Some people, however, get married, and after marriage, they realized that they are not happy with their married life, which ultimately culminates into divorce. Young age is also a factor that is linked with higher divorce rate. A marriage that is done at a young age paves the way to increase in the probability of divorce, particularly in the early years of married life. Divorce rates are high in couples who are married in their teen age. Mature people are able to make better decisions regarding marriages, and they are also capable of managing the decisions, and handling challenges that are associated with married life, but this is not the case with teenagers.
Less education is also a prominent reason of divorce in married couples. The divorce rate is higher in couples who are less educated. However, investment in education is an effective tool for building a better foundation for marriage.
Further, there are some personality factors that put individuals at risk of divorce. One of the personality factors is insecurity. People often feel insecure about their selves and also about their self worth. Insecure individuals are, however, unhappy in their life; they reach a point in their life where they consider divorce as a source of freedom and happiness for them. Another important reason for divorce is a lack of commitment in married people. Commitment is necessary for forming low-conflict relationship, which helps people to live their life in an effective manner. Even individuals who are not much satisfied and happy in their married life, but have higher commitment levels in their marriage can stay together for a long period of time, and can make things better instead of opting divorce to end the relationship.
Difference in parenting style also compels couples to seek divorce. With birth of child, lifestyles, preferences, and sleeping habits change. Both partners have their own viewpoints and ideas regarding the rearing of the child. For example, one parent is of the view that let a child cry, and other emphasize on lifting the baby in hands so that he/she stops crying. Such conflicting ideas become the basis of arguments, and finally they lead to filing for divorce. Further, unmet expectations, where one or both individuals in marriage are trying to compelling each other to do certain things that they do not want to perform for the happiness of their partner. All this creates disaster in marriage. When an individual is unhappy in an association or relationship, there is no harm in asking for change. But, if partner focus on bounding, then one should adopt a responsible attitude for his/her own happiness. Individuals have some expectations from their partners when they get married, but in some cases the expectations are not mutual, as a result of which people start maintaining distance from each other. People should communicate their expectations and wants before marriage in order to avoid problems in future. Moreover, differences in cultural backgrounds also become a cause of creating havoc in married life of people. At the beginning, people ignore the differences in religious beliefs and traditions, but with the passage of time, these topics become a reason to fight, and pave the way to divorce. Most couples are incapable of solving their disputes. Disagreements are a part of every couple’s life, but there is a key to solve the problem of disagreements. Ground rules should be formed. The formation of rules allows each partner to feel heard as well as respected.
It is essential that people should find the options to solve the problems of their marital life instead of seeking a divorce. Married couples should try to file for divorce only when the solution of the problem is not possible or when the behaviors in the moral boundaries of marriage are violated. This is because every person has the right to enjoy emotional and physical protection in a relationship. Society should play its role in this regard to ensure protection of moral boundaries that are around marriage, and to protect integrity, moral principles, and sacred nature of the institution of marriage. Society should consider its stake in ensuring well being of individuals, particularly of future generation.
References
AARP. The Divorce Experience A Study of Divorce at Midlife and Beyond. Rep. Washington: AARP, 2004.
Amato, Paul R., and Denise Previti. "People's Reasons for Divorcing: Gender, Social Class, the Life Course, and Adjustment." Journal of Family Issues 24.5 (2003): 602-26.
Jaffrey Cottrell. "Infidelity, Incompatibility among Highest Causes of Divorce, Says Poll”. Divorce Magazine 13 Feb. 2008
Roberts, Linda J. "Fire and Ice in Marital Communication: Hostile and Distancing Behaviors as Predictors of Marital Distress." Journal of Marriage and Family 62.3 (2000): 693-707
Sayer, Liana C., Paula England, Paul D. Allison, and Nicole Kangas. "She Left, He Left: How Employment and Satisfaction Affect Women’s and Men’s Decisions to Leave Marriages 1." American Journal of Sociology 116.6 (2011): 1982-2018.
