Introduction
Amy Madden’s harrowing memoir Stolen Beauty: Healing the Scars of Child Abuse takes the reader through her terrible history of child abuse at the hands of her stepfather, Ed, and the effects it had on her future relationships. In the meantime, she also reveals her own ways of coping with said abuse, from finding her faith in God to learning how to forgive her abusers and understanding their own fears and anxieties. The book is a haunting tale of control, power, abuse and family, as Amy goes through many different stages of trauma that continue even into adulthood. Examining Amy and her story through the lens of Bowen’s Family Systems Theory and other psychological/sociological perspectives, it is possible to get a little more insight into the roles that each person had in Amy’s development, as well as the stages of her own self-discovery and catharsis.
Murray Bowen’s theory of family systems is one of the earliest and most comprehensive theories that define the functioning of family units (Brown, 1999). Taking a systems thinking approach, the Family Systems Theory takes a close look at the complex interrelations within a family, from its emotional connections to the way family members affect each other’s thoughts and actions. The network of approval, abuse and interdependence that forms must be understood in order to fully comprehend how each person functions, and what motivates them to do what they do; the Family Systems Theory explores this network. There are eight interlocking concepts to Bowen’s theory – Emotional Fusion/Differentiation of Self, Triangles, the Nuclear Family Emotional System, Family Projection, Emotional Cutoff, Multi-Generational Transmission, Sibling Positions, and Societal Emotional Process (Brown, 1999). All of these patterns develop in order to reduce familial anxiety and keep social interactions as smooth as possible.
Amy Madden is the central character of the book, taken from the author’s own experiences; over the course of her childhood and early adulthood, she is exposed to a tremendous amount of sexual, emotional and physical abuse on the part of her stepfather Ed, her husband Tom, and others to a varying degree. Much of the book centers around the sexual abuse and molestation that she experiences at the hands of her stepfather, Ed. Ed, Amy’s stepfather, is the chief abuser of Amy – from the start of the book, the reader learns about Ed’s nearly sadistic control and power over his stepdaughter, forcing her to do what he says, molesting her regularly and rewarding her with less abuse. As a child, she feels as though she does not have the power to overcome Ed’s own strength, and is quickly intimidated into submission by the thread of killing her mother.
Differentiation of Self
In a way, Ed’s behavior falls in with Bowen’s concept of emotional fusion and differentiation of self, in which “individual choices are set aside in the service of achieving harmony within the system” (Brown 1999, p. 94). By having her submission to Ed’s advances be responsible for keeping her mother alive, Amy assumes that role upon herself. She takes a completely submissive role to Ed in order to protect her mother and to keep him from hurting her further. Despite Amy knowing very strongly that she does not want to have Ed do these things to her, she says nothing in order to maintain the family unit in whatever way she can.
Triangles
Triangles are a concept in Bowen’s Family Systems Theory in which “the inevitable anxiety in a dyad is relieved by involving a vulnerable third party who either takes sides or provides a detour for the anxiety” (Brown 1999, p. 96). Looking at Amy’s abuse as a result of this, she may be the ‘third party’ in the story of Ed and her mother’s relationship; Ed does not receive the sexual needs he requires from Amy’s mother, due to his appetites, so he takes it out on Amy and her sisters, as well as other little girls.
The mother is depicted in the book as being relatively distant from Ed, which represents the withdrawal that would facilitate the seeking out of a sense of validation. Triangles also occur in Amy’s subsequent relationships with her boyfriend Keith and second husband Tom; in the case of Keith, she seemingly withdraws due to her perceived affection toward other men, which causes Keith to forcefully pull her back to him. With Tom, he continually withdraws into his work in order to avoid the fact that he and Amy were growing further apart, which led Amy to frequently try to reconcile with him. In all of these relationships, there is an external force that one party withdraws to, which leads the other to pull towards them, leading to triangling.
Amy’s mother, despite her lack of active abuse of Amy, was complicit in her abuse through ignorance, as she was never able to be present enough to protect Amy against Ed. Despite the pernicious abuse that occurred under her roof, Amy’s mother never did anything about it, a fact which leads Amy to write, “I believe that Mom was living in denial on many levels” (Madden 2007, p. 7). There were moments of deflection, in which Amy’s mother would attempt to “divert [Ed’s] attention to herself,” but these subtle strategies would not work (Madden 2007, p. 22). It is ambiguous how much Amy’s mother could have known, but it is possible that she merely put blinders up and prevented herself from seeing it in order to avoid having to confront it, or having to disrupt her own life.
Family Projection Process
One of Bowen’s concepts of Family Systems Theory is the Family Projection Process, in which “children develop symptoms when they get caught up in the previous generation’s anxiety about relationships” (Brown 1999, p. 99). Applying this to Amy and her relationship with her mother, the mother’s withdrawal and refusal to see the abuse was possibly a move to maintain the perceived closeness of her marriage; to acknowledge the abuse would be to disrupt it and break the family apart. Even after Amy’s father comes to pick them up and take them away from Ed’s place, the mother returns to take them back. After Amy is raped and impregnated by Dave, Amy’s mother convinces her that an abortion is the right thing to do, at least partially because she could not afford to feed another child (Madden, 2007). These actions reveal a certain emotional cutoff with Amy’s mother; she wishes to involve herself in independent goals in order to keep harmony within the household (Kozlowska & Hanney, 2002).
Environmental Theory
Environmental theory is a sociological concept in which (in the context of child abuse) the family unit and its surrounding life conditions, such as income, housing, social circles, etc., are said to result in a lowered capacity to care for children (Belsky, Steinberg, & Draper, 1991). In the case of Amy’s family, this is most certainly the case; the familial environment is not a solid one, with an unstable home, a broken marriage, and dire financial straits (Amy’s mother cannot afford to purchase Amy a doll she wants, and constantly reminds her of their poor finances when she won’t buy something that Amy wants). Their finances and environment also affect Amy’s perceived ability to open up about her abuse; when she confides in her friend during their sleepover, only to face stares from her classmates after having been told, this reveals a school system that was ill-equipped to care for Amy’s problems (Belsky, Steinberg, & Draper, 1991). While these things do not wholly excuse Ed’s behavior or Amy’s abuse, it contributes to an environment in which Amy is not able to get the help and support that she needs.
Social Learning Theory
Another lens by which to view the abuser/abused relationship is the social learning theory, which posits that child abuse is something that is learned by one’s environment (Burton, Miller, & Shill, 2002). In Ed’s case, this implies that he learned how to abuse children because of his own upbringing, which is a perspective Amy herself seems to take: “What about the crimes committed against him when he was a child?” (Madden 2007, p. 116). Ed’s role as Amy’s primary abuser puts him in a position of power over her, and as such exhibits a great need for control within his family unit. This is explained by the hierarchical integration of families, which is yet another component of family systems theory known as the multi-generation transmission process (Cicchetti & Howes, 1991). It is heavily implied that Ed’s father was an absentee alcoholic, and that his mother was an abusive and critical woman who may have led him to have an empty childhood. Amy’s memory of Ed’s mother supports this cultivation of a prudish, sex-obsessed attitude which might have led Ed himself to abuse, particularly early in the book when Ed’s mother criticizes Amy’s hair by saying, “This is heathen hair.Only sluts have long spaghetti hair like this” (Madden 1999, p. 4). She provides the earliest known link in a familial cycle of sexual abuse, which is supported by the social learning theory.
Because of her clear need to exert control over those who fall under her responsibility, Ed learned in his childhood that he needed to force that sense of control as well: “Control is a powerful tool. When used to cripple an individual emotionally, it can have lasting effects, especially in children” (Madden 2007, p. 69). As Dodge, Bates and Pettit (1990) state, the cycle of violence leads abused children to “acquire deviant patterns of processing social information, and these may mediate the development of aggressive behavior” (1678). This helps to explain Ed’s wanton aggression as learned by his mother.
The impact of this transmission process varies greatly, and Bowen’s focus on three generations of the family in order to provide a comprehensive link is a helpful indicator of how to view this relationship (Brown 1999, p. 98). As Ed’s mother teaches Ed that sexuality is wrong, while simultaneously infantilizing him and criticizing him, Ed passes on that emotional abuse to Amy through his sexual proclivities. While Amy herself learns not to abuse, the things she thinks about herself are definitely a byproduct of the dehumanization she experienced.
Social learning theory states that, when women have mothers who are abused by men, they then look to men who will abuse them in turn (Burton, Miller & Shill, 2002). This may explain her predilection toward men who are several years older than her, as both Keith and Tom are nearly a decade older than she was when she was with them. Keith and Tom both become abusive people, but in much different ways; Keith is possessive and codependent, almost to the point of violence, while Tom is simply withdrawn and critical (a more passive-aggressive approach). In this way, Ed’s abuse of Amy led to her subsequent attraction to men who would somewhat follow in that controlling fashion, always looking for a more authoritative figure to save her from herself.
Sibling Positions
Amy was the middle child of several siblings, bringing into play yet another of Bowen’s Family Systems Theory concepts – sibling positions. With this concept, the position of children in terms of age and hierarchical power in the family helped to determine people’s interactions with others later in life (Brown 1999, p. 99). While being generalized, these traits imply that older children are more apt to become responsible, younger children show a greater comfort with dependence, while middle children are somewhere in between. In Amy’s case, Ed’s abuse places her firmly in a submissive position, but she is able to manage elements of agency and responsibility, such as when she sticks up for her friend who is about to be molested by Ed, or works with her brother Mike to get their father to rescue them from Ed. Even in her adult life, Amy wrestles with being both submissive and in charge of her own wants and needs; the abuse she received as a child taught her that having her own thoughts and feelings was wrong, but she maintains that sense of independence as best she can anyway.
Pinkelhor’s 4 Predilections
One supplement to the Family Systems Model is the Pinkelhor Model of Four Preconditions, a multi-factor model which explores the individual and community/environmental factors that can lead to child abuse (Browne & Finkelhor, 1986). These preconditions are motivation, internal inhibitions, external inhibitors, and resistance (Brown & Finkelhor, 1986). All four of these factors are found in the sexual abuse of Amy by Ed.
In the case of motivation, there are three different motivators for sexual abuse – emotional congruence (where child sexual contact fills a profound emotional need), sexual arousal (where the abuser is specifically satisfied by young children), and blockage (where other ways to be sexually gratified are cut off). In the case of Ed, his motivation is purely sexual arousal; he is depicted as having a pathological taste for young girls that he molests. He even wishes to share his urges with other men, as evidenced by his parading of Amy around his friends and his attempt to get his friend Bill to do it because “you told me you liked young chicks” (Madden 2007, p. 30). He is not specifically deprived of sexual contact with adults, nor does he have a special emotional connection to Amy; he merely needs “some pussy,” as he regards Amy in a later chapter (p. 67).
Another precondition is internal inhibitions; these are the personal factors that may stop him from abusing. These may include social taboos or other inhibitions about violating someone, which might give them pause in their abuse, as most people would have (Browne & Finkelhor, 1986). Ed appears to have very few inhibitions apart from risk of being caught; the only times in which he stops himself from hurting Amy or others is when he is in danger of being discovered. This happens once when he is stopped by Amy’s mother coming home, and other times by the threat of Amy telling others as she stands up for herself. Apart from that, however, he has no social qualms about abusing children; he merely needs it as a measure of control. This means that he does not have internal inhibitions, only external ones – forces outside his control that stop him from abusing (Browne & Finkelhor, 1986). Physical proximity and opportunity are the primary external inhibitors that must be overcome in order to successfully abuse a child, and Ed’s proximity to Amy makes her a prime target in his eyes.
The final precondition is resistance – the ability to overcome a child’s resistance to their sexual abuse. This involves more than mere physical fighting back, as it can involve the threat of telling others or reporting them to the police (Browne & Finkelhor, 1986). With Amy, Ed wore down her sense of resistance through his tyrannical sense of control; he constantly would make her feel as though she had to “earn” any good things through her submission to his abuse (Madden 2007, p. 34). This was a deliberate tactic meant to reduce her resistance, as was his various threats to kill her and her mother; while she was never fooled into thinking she liked the abuse, she was traumatized into thinking she deserved it. Looking at all four of these preconditions at once, it is easy to see how a person of Ed’s personality was able to perform these terrible deeds; he had the motivation and opportunity, including nothing (even Amy herself) that could stop him.
Conclusion
The story of Amy Madden in Stolen Beauty follows a deeply entrenched system of family abuse and complex relationships, as examined through the lenses of Family Systems Theory, Environmental Theory, Social Learning Theory and Pinkelhor’s Four Preconditions. Amy (and to some extent, her mother) both go through a differentiation of self throughout the book, as their individual needs are supplicated in the name of family stability due to Ed’s domineering presence. Emotional cutoff is experienced by Amy’s mother, Amy’s husband Tom, and others in order to chase their own independent goals, such as work or freedom, in lieu of maintaining closeness with their significant other. Environmental factors including the family’s poverty lead to a scenario in which Amy’s molestation is facilitated, and social learning theory establishes a pattern of emotional and sexual abuse by Ed’s mother which makes him carry on those values into adulthood. Ed’s behavior overcomes the four preconditions for child abuse, as he finds a vulnerable target with little resistance, is motivated by his sexual arousal, and has no internal or external inhibitors to stop him. By examining Amy’s harrowing experience through these lenses, it is easier to understand the ways in which these experiences affected her, as well as how they came to be.
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